Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-08-29

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  • Gathering strength. #
  • Amazing talk about storytelling by Chimamanda Adichie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9Ihs241zeg #
  • Song of the Beast – Carol Berg: The parable of the prodigy–brilliant, destroyed, reborn with purpose rather than talent. With dragons. #
  • Transformation – Carol Berg: Let the betrayals begin. I've come to expect to trust nobody in her books, but in a good way. #
  • Made chimchurri beef sirloin and zucchini cake last night. Today: chimchurri-bedecked bruschetta #
  • I think I'm working on the wrong project today. #
  • Smoke and Mirrors – Neil Gaiman: Propose new word, not pathetic, but pathotic, a kind of psychosis of sadness. #

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Posted on August 29th 2010 in Uncategorized

Big Books…done dirt cheap!

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One of the many conveniences I’ve noticed about my e-reader is that it makes the largest of books seem just as weighty as the lightest.

Witness:  Neal Stephenson’s Anathem.  This is a book that I purchased shortly after it came out in hardback and never read.  From time to time, I would look at the book and say, “I should read that; however, I am going to take a bath/going to go out to a restaurant/going to take a trip with limited packing space, and this is too freaking big to handle conveniently in such a situation.”  I checked it out from the library in ePub format.  It now weighs just as much as anything else I read on the ebook.

I’m wondering whether ereaders will change not just the way or the times we read, but the length of what we read.  I’m pretty sure there will be a resurgence in short stories, with feeds that load onto your reader every time you’re within WiFi range.  And I really hope there are more novellas; I like them.

But regarding long works:  I’ve heard stories about books that had to be split into two or three parts, turned into trilogies, because the publisher couldn’t afford to publish them all of a piece.  I wonder whether that practice will continue for ebooks.  It probably will for a while, as people continue to buy a lot of bound books.

On the other hand, I’ve been seeing a lot of bundle deals for series.  Perhaps the series editions of these books that were originally intended to be a single book can be formatted so the book is more continuous for the reader.

Posted on August 27th 2010 in Uncategorized

How to POV

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Please understand that this is a snapshot of what I know now.  If it doesn’t work for you–nevermind!

Who tells the story, controls the story.

Obviously, that means you, the writer.  You get to pick which stories you tell and how you feel about them.  This seems obvious until you start thinking about things like, “Japanese internment during WWII.  Who was right?  Discuss.”  Or how about “The tale of Jack and the Beanstalk.  What if it were called Death of a Giant?”

An excellent clip of Chimamanda Adichie talking about how you almost have to have multiple stories from multiple POVs to get at the truth of a thing is here.

So when you’re contemplating writing the next big Good vs. Evil story, consider that whichever side you pick to be the good side is the good side, but you could easily switch, as long as you do the work necessary to make the bad guys look like good guys.  (A note on that–the main villains in the Lord of the Rings saga aren’t the Bad Guys, as counterintuitive as that may seem.  I mean, how much time do the characters actually spend fighting Sauron?  Face to face?  Versus how much time do they spend fighting each other or people who used to be their friends or who people who used to seem like their friends?  Or themselves?)

The main types of POV used in fiction:

  • First person
  • Second person
  • Third person limited (I’m going to call this third person tight)
  • Third person omniscient (I’m going to call this third person narrator)

First person.

This is a story told from the POV of “I.”

This is someone talking to you, telling you their* story; it’s the second-least distant POV.  The reader is limited to only what the POV character can sense and think–the whole world is perceived through the mind of the POV character.

So your POV character had better be able to communicate well and interestingly.  They might be a natural storyteller, the kind of person you cannot shut up and can’t help but listen to.  Or the silent type who keeps up a running conversation in their own head (that is, like most writers).

I find this POV particularly easy to write; I tend to see my stories from within the characters’ heads anyway.

It takes a lot of empathy with your character to write from first-person POV.  Conversely, characters with whom you have little empathy are tough to write from first person POV.

You can do multiple first-person POVs in one novel; however, make sure you clarify for the reader who’s speaking.  I’ve read authors who use chapter breaks headed by the name of the character who’s speaking in that chapter, and not breaking POV for each chapter.  Switching characters in third-person POV is easier to be clear about; you just use the POV character’s name in the first sentence of the new section.

With first-person POV, it’s easy to omit and distort the truth, but a little harder to lie–because with a lie, the truth has to come out, and why would the POV character admit something like that?  The story is distorted through the lens of a single character; seeing things through one person’s eyes–unless the character is supposed to be inhumanly objective–is, by its nature, a distortion.

Second person.

This is a story told from the POV of “you.”

People always say it’s hard to sell a second-person POV story.  In fact, I have a second-person POV story out in the mail right now, and I get a lot of rejections that say, “It’s really hard to sell a second-person POV story.”  However, pick-your-path books (including mine!) tend to be told from the second-person POV, and they sell from time to time.

Huh?

Second-person POV is the least distant POV, asking the reader to become the character.  A book takes the reader away from their ordinary lives; you’d think the reader would want to be someone else for a while.  As it turns out, that is generally not the case.  It’s easy to sneak a value judgment into a story with a little bit of distance in it; the reader can pretend that the judgment has nothing to do with them–it applies to someone else.  But write a second-person POV story, and suddenly the reader is like, “But I’m nothing like that!  I am so offended!” even if you’re writing a story that’s obviously about someone else.

Human nature.

The reason pick-your-path type books work, I think, is that the main character is usually an everyman–and the reader can make their own choices, which gives them back a little distance.  Okay, realistically, the reader might not make either of the choices provided, but it’s like a personality quiz:  you pick the one that’s close enough.

Not that I’m going to stop submitting my second-person POV; it’s a horror story.  It’s pretty horrible being in someone else’s head when you can’t control anything.

Strangely, I find that it’s hard to lie in second person.  Distortion, omission–sure.  But out-and-out lying to yourself (“You didn’t kill Sam.  Someone else killed Sam.”) takes a lot of work–which could be the whole reason for a second-person story, I suppose.

Third person tight.

This is a story told from the POV of “him” or “her”–but in such a way that you could take out the character’s name and/or pronoun and replace them with “I” and it would make just as much sense:  ”He never thought of himself as a bad man, as such, but the kind of man whose purpose in life was to make the difficult choices.  Being good is all about easy choices.”  Imagine that with “I” instead of “He” and there you go:  third-person tight POV.

I used to get thrown off-track when people called it “third-person limited POV.”  It means the same thing, but for some reason I would blow it off as unimportant.  It’s limited, huh?  So what’s the point?  I don’t want to be limited…

This POV is, I think, the best POV for most commercial fiction.  Readers pick up commercial fiction because they want plot, not because they want to explore a situation from multiple aspects.

(Good literature tries to capture the fact that there’s more than one way to look at a situation, that there might be no “right” and “wrong” perspectives in a situation.  Good commercial fiction tells a good story.  The two are not mutually exclusive, but a matter of priorities.)

Third-person tight POV is both close and distant enough that you can choose how much you want to empathize with the characters.  A lot of commercial fiction readers want to imagine they’re in a different world, like they’re on a particularly interesting vacation.**  Writing as though the reader is in yet not in the character’s head seems to give the reader room to empathize with the character (during the fun parts) or not empathize with the character (during the torture scenes, of whatever stripe).  It’s like going to China on vacation and being able to pretend going through the red tape is happening to someone else, while walking along the Great Wall while making out with the hot tour guide is happening to you.

Third-person tight POV also lets the writer switch POV characters fairly easily–make an easily-recognizable division in your book (a chapter or white space in the text) and start off with the name of the current POV character in the first sentence, and you’re golden.

Lying in third-person tight POV is easier, but the POV character usually thinks about that fact that it’s a lie.  D’oh!

Third person narrator.

This is a story told from the POV of “him” or “her”; however, the person actually telling the story is a narrator.  The narrator can be defined as a character (and, in fact, can take a part in the story) or not (and get forgotten about by the reader).  The narrator of a story, even if invisible, is rarely the author.  This is the most distant POV.

This is the POV most often used in the past, from Jane Austen to JRR Tolkein.  My best guess is that it’s an oral tradition thing.  Back when stories used to be told out loud more often than not, there was someone telling the stories–a narrator, a storyteller.  When people started writing stories down, they wrote down what the narrator said, and the narrator spoke in third-person narrator POV, naturally enough.

Storytellers comment on their stories, as they tell them, often because people tend to not shut up during the telling, and sometimes it’s best to get the answers to their questions out of the way before the questions are asked.  ”Once upon a time, there was a girl [what was her name?] nevermind her name, who asked a lot of stupid questions.  [Why did she ask a lot of stupid questions?] She was a foolish girl, just like you.”

Also, storytellers in the oral tradition, as far as I can tell, never told stories for just one person, but for a large group of people that weren’t all of the same kind–all kids, all adults, all horror-story enthusiasts, all romantics, etc.–and were therefore required to entertain them all at the same time.

Take that and shove it up your genre!

That thing where kids’ cartoons have inside jokes for the adults?  It’s probably not new.

When you try to include elements of multiple types of stories or references for multiple types of audiences in a first-person or third-person tight POV, it can come out as gibberish:  ”I’m an eight-year-old kid.  I’m a detective.  I’m an eight-year-old kid detective, just like Perry Mason.”  Er, eight year olds know Perry Mason?  (I don’t really even know Perry Mason.)  I’m not saying it can’t be done.  But third-person narrator comes out so smooooooth:  ”Sam was an eight-year-old kid who worshiped detectives like Chet Gecko and Max Ernest.  But if he’d been born when he was supposed to, he would have idolized Perry Mason, the way the writers of Chet and Max obviously did.  The kid was a classic.  Shame he was born too late.”

The problem with third-person narrator, for modern audiences, is that it tends to be a lot of blah blah blah.  The commercial fiction reader often just wants to see things from the POV character’s POV and doesn’t want to waste time on all the extra commentary and in-jokes implicit in a third-person narrator’s POV.

But if you can pull off a good narrator, you’re golden.  Some of the best-loved books are told by narrators whom we love, whether told from a straight (that is, invisible) third-person narrator POV (Pride and Prejudice), or from a narrator who is in the action of the book, either in the tale or a frame story (The Princess Bride), or from a first-person narrator who isn’t the main character in the book (Bridge of Birds).  There’s something inherently trustworthy and soothing about a good narrator.

Conversely, it’s really, really easy to lie in third-person narrator POV.  I mean, ridiculously easy.

A note on switching POVs:

Don’t switch POVs without clarifying the switch for the reader.  Your system of clarification is up to you, but use it consistently within the story.

*If “he” can mean both male and female, then “they” can mean both singular and plural.
**Huh. I might have to think about that some more, with regards to description.

Posted on August 24th 2010 in Uncategorized

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-08-22

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  • I find myself judging other people by the quality of their book recommendations…but dammit, they READ. #
  • On the way home from Dave & Margie's, the DMB song "Too Much" came up. Appropriate. #
  • @doycet Huzzah. Good post. #
  • Craving soup to eat with my croutons. I'm thinking a tomato-basil bisque. #
  • You know, if I don't get at least one good block of Internet wanderlust a week, I feel sad. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0409847/ #
  • @doycet Heh! in reply to doycet #
  • Earworm: Moving to the country, gonna eat a lot of peaches… millions of peaches, peaches for free! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvcohzJvviQ #
  • @jasummerell Homemade insect repellant? What's that? in reply to jasummerell #
  • @jasummerell It probably smells very good, too. in reply to jasummerell #
  • Ad Hoc at home – Thomas Keller: Recommend for beginner+. Typical home cooking at a superlative level. #
  • @jasummerell I was so wrong! in reply to jasummerell #
  • The Pleasure Is All Mine – Suzanne Pirret: Solo cooking, refined, with the female version of Anthony Bourdain. Saucy. #
  • An Edge in the Ktchen – Chad Ward: Knife skills book inspiring me to get a Japanese waterstone (actually, two). #
  • @jasummerell Off does make me nauseous. Good thing I live in non-bug territory. in reply to jasummerell #
  • @Dabeak RIGHT NOW I am busy. How about I watch it later? Or will the shiny wear off? in reply to Dabeak #
  • The Vengeance Quilt done. "If anyone would use last rites to accuse someone of murder, it was Eileen…" #
  • @doycet But keep in mind, Bukowski lived in a thunderstorm. in reply to doycet #
  • @doycet True that. Ah, Hank. Sometimes the great ones are freakin' idiots. in reply to doycet #
  • @JuliaRAllen I have totally forgotten what we were talking about. Proust? Feehan? So sorry, my Lady. in reply to JuliaRAllen #
  • The Zombie Apocalypse site is up! http://www.doompress.com/ #
  • Only two rejections over the weekend. I'm waiting for the mail truck with just a touch of dread. #
  • The good news is that I have twelve stories out right now; somebody's got to like ONE of them. #
  • I should eat something. [Looks at belly roll.] Maybe not any more Lil' Debbie snacks. And after yoga. #
  • @DaphneUn Thank you :) in reply to DaphneUn #
  • Cirque du Freak – Darren Shan: Tiiiight YA adventure. Not especially deep, but fun and fast. Not if you hate spiders, though. #
  • Help! Is playing WoW/online MMORPGs considered "nerdy" among high school students anymore? #
  • I'm reading a friend's ms. and he's acting like it's on same level as DnD in the 80s. #
  • Trying to save a beloved character from an abandoned short story… #
  • Using Google maps to drive along a street seems a LOT like playing Myst. #
  • @Rarnabybudge There's a link for that. in reply to Rarnabybudge #
  • Re-draft of Paid (time travel story) done: "I decided to start at the present and work my way backward; it’s weird but it saves work." #
  • @JuliaRAllen Oh! In that case, take two madeleine cookies and a six-pack of abs and call me in the morning :) in reply to JuliaRAllen #
  • "My mother-in-law's a travel agent for guilt trips." -Quote from anon contributor to writing exercise at PPW Write Brain w/ Deborah Coonts. #
  • Excellent Write Brain. Left with inspiration to turn a standalone into a series. #
  • Good thing I haven't written the proposal for that yet… #
  • @Three_Star_Dave Ray watches Total Drama X too…yeah, the patina of fiction somehow makes it more acceptable to SNARK. in reply to Three_Star_Dave #
  • Dreaming of a manga-type YA series… #
  • @simmertilldone Thank you :) in reply to simmertilldone #
  • @JuliaRAllen Bows. in reply to JuliaRAllen #
  • Off to the post office. #
  • Zombie campfire songs, from Celina: http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/lists/1harkin.html "He's got a whooole femur…IN HIS HANDS!" #
  • Sat down for a few minutes to find something in a box. Now it's noon. #
  • Does anyone else find it hard to get rid of stuff that's a kick in the gut? Really? I wanted to remember THIS? #
  • Scrapbooks: an excuse to keep one of something and get rid of everything else. #
  • <—-Mental today. Flee! #
  • @RuroRemy Very brave :) #
  • Revolution Girl Utena seems closely related to the Dark Tower series (the ending) and Kate Bush's Hounds of Love (theme). #
  • @jasummerell I'll play the cowbell :) in reply to jasummerell #
  • Heard 30-yo woman bitching about how easy kids have it. Ray 2.5 hours of homework and karate…While 30-yo had time to whine on the radio. #
  • Nevermind; that was UNCYCLOPEDIA. Damned funny, though. #
  • Sent proposed characters for murder mystery expansion pack (for Lei'd to Rest at Freeform Games). Pleeeeease can I do these ones? #
  • Wait, it's NOON? #
  • @jasummerell That would be a dangerous wish to vocalize in front of your four year old. in reply to jasummerell #
  • Starting the pork. Ohhh yeah. Four batches of ropa, 1 green chili, 4 BBQ, 1 cubano! #
  • BLT with havarti. #
  • I had a post-wedding-cake sugar apocalypse. #

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Posted on August 22nd 2010 in Uncategorized

How to Get Rejected

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…As a short story writer, that is.

I am making a serious effort to get better at short stories; a novel is a novel is a novel, but when I want to get into the fine edge of fiction, I read short stories.  I love them.  Especially horror short stories.  My favorite work of horror is still Stephen King’s Night Shift.  I buy short story collections on a semi-regular basis.  The thrill of reading Greg Egan or Ted Chiang stories for the first time.  Ahhh.  The tragic worlds of Michael Chabon.  Oooooh….

So here I am, writing one short story a week…AND getting a metric assload of rejections.  Psychologically speaking, that is.

There are a lot of things that I’m not feeling to professional about at the moment, but tell you what, I can talk ALL DAY about how to get rejections.

Here are my current stats on the project (begun in earnest on 1 July):

Thirteen stories in the mail.

Eighteen rejections, seven of them personal.

It seems to be snowballing; this month to date, I received seven rejections and sent ten stories out (the seven rejections plus three new ones).  Turns out, more stories = more rejections.  Now that I can announce that I have a book coming out, I include that in all my cover letters; however, this has not appreciably increased my success rate.  Either they like your short story or they don’t, or you’re Stephen King and your crap stories are better than my best ones anyway so who knows whether the name has anything do with it or not?

So here is my (current) set of advice on how to get your short stories rejected.  Perhaps, someday, I can tell you how to get them accepted; I suspect it’ll be doing more of the same until you get good enough at it to talk editors into whatever crazy stuff you can come up with.

1) Write.

Sit down and write.  Take a quick scan through the rest of the post; you notice where it doesn’t say “edit” or “revise”?

Let’s call “editing” the cleanup process–typos and grammar fixed, red shirt in scene one/blue shirt in scene two errors fixed, all words actually mean what you used them to mean, and everything scans well (both out loud and on the sheet of paper).  The kind of thing a copyeditor would do, only without any tact.  Yes, you have to do this; you have to act like a professional if you want to be treated like one.  Try to get to the point where it doesn’t take as long or longer to clean up copy as it does to write it.

Let’s call “revising” the continuing education process of the writer–getting opinions, considering them, making changes to character, setting, plot, etc.  Writers do need continuing education–but if your story doesn’t need it, don’t screw around with it.  It’s a waste of time to fix something that isn’t broken, or THAT WORKS OKAY EVEN IF IT ISN’T PERFECT, SHEESH ALREADY FOUR YEARS ON THREE-THOUSAND-WORD STORY?  WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU???

But I’m not bitter.

There’s nothing wrong with revising, but the focus should be on writing.  You should spend most of your time–not 51% most, but 90% most–on writing new material.  There’s only so much you can fix a bad story while you’re learning to write.  You learn a little bit from revising; you learn a lot more from writing a new story while swearing to get better at whatever sucked in the last story.  Sorry if I told you differently before July, but it’s true.

And once you get better at writing stories, you can go back to your old stuff (if you can stand it) and fix it in no time flat; you’ll be able to see what’s wrong with it and whether it’ll be more worthwhile to fix it or write it from scratch (or write something else).  Juvenalia.  Everyone has some.

2) Format.

Format your story professionally STARTING WITH YOUR FIRST DRAFT.

It’s a hoop through which you, as the trained seal, must jump if you want your fish.  No hoop, no fish.  It’s no more demeaning than wearing shoes rather than bunny slippers to work.  Oh, shooooes, you whine.  Who cares what my shoooooes look like.  Shut up.  You could have written and mailed another story in the time it took you to whine about having to format your story.

This includes your cover letter, if any.

Here’s my favorite:  http://www.shunn.net/format/story.html

But if the market wants the story in a different format, I say give it to them.  A lot of short story markets are working on a shoestring and a prayer, and don’t need to spend billable hours TAKING OUT THE TABS AND DOUBLESPACING YOUR STORY.  Jerk.

And why with the first draft, you ask?  Because the time you spend reformatting your story is time that you could be writing, dumbass.  And when you’re writing a lot, you’re starting a lot of first drafts.  And when you’re sending out a lot, the last thing you want to do is accidentally send out the wrong–unformatted–draft.

A word on file names:  Number your revisions, even if you don’t plan to have any.  TitleofStory_1.doc works nicely.  Then create an archive file in the story folder for any outdated revisions AND FILE THEM.  ”If only I’d sent the right draft…the one that wasn’t completely retarded.”  Mistake-proof your process NOW.

3) Send.

I recommend Duotrope’s Digest for finding markets.  Use the submission tracker.

Send the story the day you’re done editing (that is, cleaning up, which you shouldn’t do until after you’ve done any revisions, if any).  Do not send more than one story to a market.  Do not send one story to more than one market.  Do not post your story on your website.

I haven’t decided what my particular rejection threshhold is.  I have one story with, uh, sixteen rejections, I think.  When I do hit my threshhold, I’ll consider publishing as an e-story.  More on that later, I guess.

But keep your story in the mail.

The day after it gets rejected, send it out.  (I find sending it out on the same day is sometimes problematic, as even looking at my e-mail makes me want to throw myself off a cliff.  But no longer than two days, if it’s over the weekend, even if you feel like shit.)

Snail mail:  Buy a BOX of 9 by 12s and a BOX of standard envelopes for SASEs.  Keep stamps on hand at all times.  Staple NOTHING as nobody likes to rip open a finger when opening mail.  Use paper clips, not binder clips to prevent excessive lumps in your envelope and on the editor’s desk.

A note on writing for a market vs. writing whatever the hell you feel like, then sending it to a market:  I highly recommend getting in the habit of writing for yourself while keeping a reader in mind (not a market).  If you know who likes your stuff, you can deduce your markets from them.  ”Is this for my sarcastic-but-romantic sibling or my evil cousin the accounting detective?”  Someone who is NOT you.  Sometimes you can’t help yourself; “Ohh, this has Weird Tales all over it.”  What happens when it gets rejected?  Death by paper cut?  Pfft.

4) Track.

I recommend a spreadsheet and the submission tracker on Duotrope’s, and a paper file for the snaily stuff.  SAVE all e-mails.

Rejections = tax deductions.

I am not qualified to give tax advice; however, if you plan on taking deductions for your postage, supplies, home office, etc., don’t paper your bathroom in rejections as it may be somewhat embarrassing to have to invite the IRS auditor into your home.

The more stories you have out, the more complex it becomes to determine who has your story, when you sent it (did they forget about you?!?  It’s happened to me before), and, when you get rejected, who you can send it to next without pissing them off because you 1) already sent them that story or 2) already sent them a different story that they haven’t rejected yet but are pretty much guaranteed to reject now.  ”Look, you greedy bastard, wait in line like everyone else!”  ”Ooops…”

On that story with sixteen-ish rejections, I wasn’t keeping track, because I was bound and determined to get that story accepted before I wrote or submitted another one.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I’m PRAYING that I don’t send it out to someone who’s already had it, or that it’s been so long ago that they’ve changed slush readers and/or records system.  I’ve changed the name of the story several times, too, so that doesn’t help.  I was being an idiot.

Be smarter than I was.  Shouldn’t be hard.

Posted on August 20th 2010 in Uncategorized

How to Talk to a Writer

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This is not how to talk to me.

These are tips I’ve picked up on how to talk to other writers.  Although I’m sure the same tricks would work on me.

Okay.  Keep in mind that writers are people first, readers second, and writers third.

What?  Writers are readers before they’re writers?  Even Anne Rice is a fangirl: “Favorite wish as a True Blood Fan: To do a silent cameo: me and a long haired velvet clad vampire tete a tete in a booth at Sam Merlotte’s” (from Facebook).

Yeah.  Every writer was inspired to write by first reading; every writer has a few heroes before which they would stutter, stammer, and otherwise lose their minds.

So:  here are the three ways to talk to a writer:

1) Make normal, ordinary, everyday conversation.  Like, “Would you like something to drink?” or “The bathroom is that way.”

I know, this is frustrating; you want to make some kind of connection with this person who is probably (at least somewhat) living your dream life:  writing books for a living, or at least writing books and selling them.  However, have mercy on them.  Writers are generally somewhat shy, at least around people they don’t know.  They have public faces that they can pull out in a split-second that allow them to talk to just about anybody, at any time, but these are their public faces.

There are only so many things that writers will talk about when they have their public faces on.  Mostly writing stuff, like how they got published, found their agent, came up with the idea for their book, etc.

2) Talk about books.  Like, “Have you read Book X yet?  SQUEEEEE!”

Or book recommendations, like, “What were the books that helped you survive high school?”  ”Do you have any books that you associate with important moments in your life?”  ”Was there a book that changed your life for the better?”  ”Have you ever literally thrown a book across the room?  What was it?”

I have participated in many happy hours of conversation with writers, talking about other people’s books.

3) Talk about trivia.

This digs straight into the heart of any writer.

Where do writers get their ideas from?  People ask this, I know, and there are all kinds of answers, from the general to the particular.  But, to take the question at its most general, the answer is, “I collected a bunch of facts and ideas and something in my brain went ding.”

By talking about trivia, you are dumping extra facts–that is, extra story material–straight into the writer’s brain.

This is what writers talk about with each other.

Something to keep in mind:  prefixing any comment to a writer with “You are so awesome” will generally shut off most of the writer’s brain.  I can’t swear to this, but I would generally say that most writers secretly don’t have the best self-confidence in the world.  –If they had, they wouldn’t be writers; they’d do something with a reasonable chance of success, like engineering.  Instead, they (we) need at least intermittent reassurance that we don’t suck.  Ironically, they (we) don’t trust this reassurance (which is why we need more of it).

“You are so awesome” is a button that, if pushed repeatedly, starts a crazy feedback loop of “Thanks!” “Wait…if this person really knew me, they’d know how non-awesome and ordinary I am.”  ”I can’t stand being non-awesome!”  ”Somebody tell me I’m awesome!”  ”I don’t deserve it…”  ZZZT.

Instead, mention a particular thing they’ve written and say you liked that.  Don’t analyze the book or ask highly-involved questions. (Are you there to impress the author with your insight into their book?  Lame.  Are you there to make them uncomfortable by trying to make them remember something they haven’t thought about for two years?  Lame.)  However, if there’s something that’s been bugging you that isn’t unreasonably picky (like, “X was wearing a red shirt in chapter 1, how could X be wearing a blue shirt in chapter 2 you fool?!?”), you can ask that.  Like, “I always wondered whether book Y was supposed to be a metaphor for Z.  It made me rethink my ideas about Z, at any rate.  So did you mean it?”

Be prepared for a “Huh.  Maybe so, but I didn’t do it on purpose” kind of answer, though.  I’ve heard it a number of times.

Posted on August 16th 2010 in Uncategorized

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-08-15

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  • C42 Chance done: "His voice sounded strange in his own ears; he wasn’t sure whether it was his voice or his ears." #
  • Six more chapters… #
  • @mknippling Good luck to you and your wonderful wife :) in reply to mknippling #
  • Wait…one whole Monday went by with no rejections. That's okay, I just got one this morning. #
  • C46 Chance done: "He found himself singing the alphabet song under (obviously) his breath. No, that wasn’t right." #
  • Florida Roadkill – Tim Dorsey: Poorly-disorganized, nonlinear plot that was brilliant when all pieces known. Probably better in next book. #
  • Also, some brilliant murder weapons. #
  • All good citizens show up early to collect their children on the first day of school. #
  • Ray and I are not sure about her new teacher. Seems to state obvious things in a triple-underscore tone. #
  • Last Chance day! For the first draft, anyway. Then on to Ray book #2 and a murder mystery party game. #
  • Done with first draft of A Chance Damnation! "Aloysius squatted down next to Jerome. Damn, that kid was going to be tall, he thought." #
  • @maureenjohnson Rhapsody in Blue makes excellent sandwich music. in reply to maureenjohnson #
  • @DaphneUn Woot! My experience with boy babies usually involves extreme headbutting, as in them and my glasses… in reply to DaphneUn #
  • @DaphneUn But the good news is that KK will not have her clothes stolen, which could be a major deal-breaker. in reply to DaphneUn #
  • Feeling lost and unsure of what to do until it's time to pick Ray up. What? Answer e-mails? Pffft. #
  • Think I'll make a trade-in run at a used bookstore and drop off the rejects at Goodwill or the ARC. The Bug is PACKED with donations. #
  • I find giving things away very satisfying. Not, like, uplifting or noble or anything. A sense of closure with unwanted STUFF. #
  • I had a terrible nightmare about not being able to find an unimportant phone number. #
  • Ayah, another rejection on Alien Blue; she suggested I send her an urban paranormal. Chance Damnation is a RURAL paranormal… #
  • @ianthealy Maybe I'll pitch the post-WWII one with mechs as "historical-urban-fantasy-steampunk" just to confuse the issue. in reply to ianthealy #
  • 2:15. Time for your regularly-scheduled rainstorm. #
  • @jasummerell Small God of Hangovers! in reply to jasummerell #
  • @jasummerell Or was that the Oh God of Hangovers? I forget. in reply to jasummerell #
  • @ianthealy Nancy Drew Dieselpunk, that's what it is. in reply to ianthealy #
  • @jasummerell I recommend you stay away from Greek temples as a method of birth control, then. Or is that parthenonogenesis? in reply to jasummerell #
  • @doycet Um, be careful about the contexts in which you say the word "blow." in reply to doycet #
  • @doycet By the way, I just found myself doing a victory lap around the house. "Doyce liiiiked it, Doyce liiiiked it." in reply to doycet #
  • Ray: "Whipped cat, now that's weird. Like whipped cream, only cat. Meow! Meow!" #
  • Eating pears with hot-cocoa-flavored whipped cream. #
  • The cat is safely alive, on the couch. #
  • Listening to La Bamba on harp at Three Margaritas. Oddly appropriate. #
  • Ray got her orange belt! #
  • @inkgypsy I'm thinking about giving them humanoid mech suits, actually. in reply to inkgypsy #
  • @Rarnabybudge Hm…The character that springs to mind for that might make it seem like settling for what she can get. I'll think about it. in reply to Rarnabybudge #
  • "Vengeance Quilt" done. "Claire, especially, reminded him of himself in seminary; she chased down technicalities like a dog after a rabbit." #
  • This is the first short story I've written for a previously-invented world; it's the same world as "Chance Damnation." #
  • Why is it that all the supermarket blackberries have especially sucked this year? #
  • Author Allegra Gray signing at the Briargate B&N TONIGHT at 7 p.m. Book: Nothing but Deception. #
  • Ray's sick…Lee's sick…I abruptly feel like shit. This does not bode well. #

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Posted on August 15th 2010 in Uncategorized

Urban Fantasy

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I just got another rejection on Alien Blue from an editor; it was the best rejection I’ve ever received, because it was both true and flattering.

The editor said she liked the book–but there was no market for it now.  THEN she said I should think about writing something with series potential in the urban fantasy realm, which I’m going to take as, “If you should just so happen to write such a thing, send it to me and remind me I suggested it in the first place.”  Not quite a request, but a sly whistle.  That’s how I’m taking it, anyway.

As it so happens, I just finished the first draft of A Chance Damnation yesterday.  I have a mystery game to write, a chapter book for Ray to write, a WFH book to write…and then I’m not sure.  Those things might take me through to December; none of them are very long and will be about 70K altogether.  So I’ve been kind of noodling around for the next thing to write and/or polish up (that is, from my stack of NaNoWriMo drafts, all but one of which were written before I had a clue how to plot and thus need major work).

I have a YA urban girly fantasy set in Japan, a rural fantasy set in 1890 South Dakota, and a historical-steampunk-rural-fantasy set in post-WWII Iowa.  Not to mention Chance, which is 1960 South Dakota rural fantasy (no relation).

I’m probably going to send her a proposal for one of the above and try to start a new trend.  I’m thinking the Iowa book; there are mechs, and I never finished that one (although I wrote 58K on it).  The one that got away.

So I was in the shower thinking about it, and I had an ah-hah moment about the nature of urban fantasy.

My Iowa book doesn’t contain any sex with the natives.  Clearly, it won’t work as an urban fantasy unless I change that–or at least create the potential (and attraction) for this to occur.

Here’s the basic template for an urban fantasy, at least as it seems to me:  Person in an ordinary setting meets a person of a mythical species and is EXTREMELY attracted to them.  The relationship causes we-do-it-this-way/No-we-do-it-THIS-way issues, is considered at least somewhat disturbing/kinky by straights, and promises that any progeny will be a pain in the ass to raise, even if they’re raised as either all-human or all-other, not being informed of the mixed heritage.

So, as I see it, urban fantasy is the mythicalization of mixed-race relationships.  Even more than that (and this is what made me laugh in the shower), it’s the mythicalization of Western civilization integrating with other cultures.  You cannot be treating another culture with respect if you can’t imagine them as sex partners.

It isn’t necessarily a sublimation of racism/antiracism; I’ve felt for a long time that racism has very little to do with the color of your skin (other than as a marker of your probably culture and mores).  I have a friend (hi, Julia!) who is writing a book about a liberal human and conservative vampire, for example (that I can’t wait to read; the snippets are painfully funny).

So now I’m trying to rethink the Iowa book in terms of making the other culture something…sexy.

Sexy, sexy, sexy.

They’re asexual gremlins right now, that mate kind of like amoebas, mixing genes here and there, but mostly via the whole squish in half thing.

NOT sexy.

I keep breaking down in giggles trying to think of a way to make those guys sexy.  The current love interests in the book are a paraplegic Val Kilmer (who gets the world’s best mech; two of them, rather) and a sky pirate modeled on my husband.  No gremlins, though.

So, if you have any suggestion on how to make gremlins sexy, let me know; I’ll totally give you credits in the acknowledgement section and name a character after you if you want one.

Posted on August 12th 2010 in Uncategorized

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-08-08

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  • Cribbage and ribs yesterday. A good day. We ended up with extra girl, though. #
  • Lee is becoming an espresso master. The sucky foam-producing capabilities on the machine are limiting his foaminess, though. #
  • And this was the best rib sauce yet. #
  • I get most of my news off Twitter now. Weird. #
  • I'm thinking about getting a WiFi-only Nook. Any thoughts? #
  • I got a Nook yesterday, and read about half of "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo." #
  • I put it in a ziploc freezer bag and took it with me in the bathtub. #
  • The plot didn't start until page 95–a big no-no that nevertheless worked. #
  • I also read about 1/4 of a free small-press book that had no conflict (all non-dramatized backstory/world explanation) for 50 pages. #
  • Sadly, I very much wanted to like it, given the beginning, but I had to let it go. #
  • Mmmm…lemon thyme bread. #
  • Currently attempting to navigate library ebook system. Sllllow. #
  • Back to work! #
  • Damn it, I wish I'd known this word a week ago: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence #
  • C30 Chance done: “I would like something bad to happen to the priest,” he said. #
  • @JuliaRAllen He's thwarted, for the moment, and he's already humiliated the guy. in reply to JuliaRAllen #
  • Come on, 5K words… #
  • 5K done! C31: “Good bread, good meat, good God, let’s eat!” #
  • Dwight V Swain in the morning. #
  • @kimseverson Lobster Envy would be a good name for a book…or my feelings right now. in reply to kimseverson #
  • Waiting for this, too, to pass. Waiting with my boots on. #
  • And my legs pumping. #
  • Researching labyrinth-retreats in CO for story: http://www.benethillmonastery.org. I might actually go there for an afternoon. #
  • Dwight V. Swain, as usual, kicks my ass in a most informative way. #
  • I think I'm finally to the point where I can write this story today and not have it suck. #
  • Irreverently, I want a "Bride of Christ" t-shirt with a flying-hat nun in a "Bride of Frankenstein" pose. And neck bolts. #
  • @AccidentalKate Great. Now I want peanut butter pie, too. in reply to AccidentalKate #
  • @richardbamberg Yes. Please utilize anti-splitting measures. in reply to richardbamberg #
  • @richardbamberg Spiritual labyrinths, the kind with only one path. in reply to richardbamberg #
  • @richardbamberg You said you had a splitting headache! in reply to richardbamberg #
  • I suck at titles lately. #
  • Ray's orange belt test is today at noon. Tooth seals (clap clap) at 9:50. Feeling like at-home limousine this a.m. #
  • The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo – Stieg Larrson: Good stuff. A reminder of how messed up sex is. #
  • @ApexBookCompany You don't happen to know how I could subscribe to mag via Nook, do you? Just got one. in reply to ApexBookCompany #
  • My face is a grease-pit this morning. #
  • Ah, another rejection. [Whimper] #
  • @Three_Star_Dave Thank you. I'm building rejection endurance. Two a week is my tolerance, and that was #3 in reply to Three_Star_Dave #
  • Bees have become a beautiful insect, like a butterfly, since the Great Bee Deaths. Ray: "Oooh, a bee!" I remember fleeing in terror. #
  • I have started to use the appearance of bees as an indication of a minor miracle in my writing. Twice, now. #
  • Damn it, I keep typing "she" for "it." This story is a pain in the ass. #
  • @Three_Star_Dave Indeed. in reply to Three_Star_Dave #
  • Ate lunch at Wholly Crepes at the mall…mmmm. So authentic I could barely follow the chef's French, and it was all words I knew (food). #
  • I had one with Brie, walnuts, honey, lettuce, & vinaigrette…Ray had bananas and Nutella on FIRE. #
  • Heh. If prison and aging trends continue, the Boomers will be the first generation with minimum-security retirement homes. #
  • The Resignation, done: "It laid on the ground under the hydro on its elbows and looked at the window through the scope." #
  • Readthrough tomorrow. As usual, I feel that the story is much better now than when I was stuck in the middle, when it sucked. #
  • Not sure how accurate this is: http://www.angel-guide.com/names-angels.html #
  • Ascotts aren't solely the province of Fred of Scooby Doo: http://www.elitetuxedo.com/gray_ascott_dots.htm #
  • Shoot. This means I have to answer my e-mails now, doesn't it? #
  • Oh frabjous day! Calloo, callay! Prop 8 Struck down – http://bit.ly/ahb1Fc #
  • Awesome valedictorian speech: http://www.sott.net/articles/show/212383-V…aduation-Speech #
  • Hm…I wonder why I haven't had as many sinus infections this year. #
  • I get to annouuuuunce things later today…but first I have to get my work done. #
  • C32 Chance done: "What with one thing and another, he wasn’t sure that he had survived until his head broke water." #
  • @JuliaRAllen You're excited? I'M excited! in reply to JuliaRAllen #
  • @Three_Star_Dave Poor bebe. in reply to Three_Star_Dave #
  • C33 Chance done: Lost, lost, lost, breathe. Lost, lost, lost, breathe. #
  • I didn't get caught up on chapters, but I did almost 5K again today. Heavy stuff. #
  • Now I will do yoga. THEN I will prep announcement…I am disciplined, yes I am. #
  • @jasummerell Why, thank you :) in reply to jasummerell #
  • @Three_Star_Dave Final headcount=2. Arrive Sat and prolly stay over. Is it okay if we're there early? in reply to Three_Star_Dave #
  • @ianthealy Your 7 yo's hijinx promise fun times ahead. in reply to ianthealy #
  • @ianthealy You should be so lucky he waits that long. in reply to ianthealy #
  • @jasummerell Coooool :) in reply to jasummerell #
  • Kitchen Confidential – Anthony Bourdain. Rock on. #
  • Hey, I want to start reading Tim Dorsey. Which book do I start with? Sounds like timeline/book order is confusing. Florida Roadkill? #
  • @leahcstewart Dude, small children ARE Sisyphus. "You missed me! Not dead yet! NA NA NA!!!" in reply to leahcstewart #
  • @kknippling As soon as they let me show you the cover art, eh? :) in reply to kknippling #
  • @leahcstewart They're not rugapes; they're Coyotes. in reply to leahcstewart #
  • Ayah, I seem to be about half-and-half with personal vs. form rejections lately. #
  • C34 Chance done: “You’re the expert,” Aloysius said. “Amazing what a fat lot of good that has done me,” Sebastian said. #
  • Chapter 48 should be The End of Chance Damnation, by the way. #
  • I keep wondering when I'm going to hear ANYTHING back about Ray's "Menagerie" book from a publisher. Hopes up? No hopes up? What?!? #
  • @jasummerell Plan ahead for your bulbs? It's a good think I suck at gardening, or I'd be totally obsessed. There's logic for you. in reply to jasummerell #
  • @Three_Star_Dave Hey, do you have ginger beer for a Moscow Mule? If not, I'll pick some up. in reply to Three_Star_Dave #
  • @Three_Star_Dave That'll work. in reply to Three_Star_Dave #
  • C38 Chance done: “Impossible,” the red-stripe demon said. But Aloysius could tell he was lying. “Summon demons? Here?” #
  • I think I'm going to set everything else aside for the next few days and finish Chance. About 17K to go. #
  • @Three_Star_Dave Okay, guy, we're almost out the door. in reply to Three_Star_Dave #

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Posted on August 8th 2010 in Uncategorized

Announcement: The Mysterious Book!

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I got permission from the publisher, League Entertainment, to announce this yesterday. Greedily, I sat on the news for a while, savoring it all my lonesome.

(Actually, I told myself I had to get my work done for the day before I could send it out, then beat my head against the wall for several hours, and decided I had to spend some time with my family after that before they killed me, then decided I was too tired for to be anything but grumpy and disagreeable and read in the bathtub for a few hours instead, which is my version of a recovery tank a la The Empire Strikes Back. How sad is that? I’ve been harassing these guys for months to let me spill the beans.)

But here I am this morning, back in the saddle, as it were, ready to either a) make my announcement or b) babble.*

The book is called Choose Your Doom: Zombie Apocalypse (due out October 26, 2010). It’s a pick-your-own-path kind of book, only every choice upon which you embark ends in your death, often in comically gruesome ways. Being a zombie book, death doesn’t always equal the end of the story; you just switch sides. But eventually, you get what everybody gets at the end of the road: death.

Muahahaha!

Perfect for me, eh?

As I write this, my beneficent overlords haven’t put the book up on their site yet (hint), and I can’t release images, so I’ll just have to post an update when it’s up. The book has just made it into rough galleys and is going out to some utterly awesome people for blurbs, but I don’t want to jinx anything (or be inaccurate due to last minute changes which my kind publishers may be too swamped to inform me of), so I’ll just cross my fingers and hope.

I love this book. I wish someone had written this book when I was a kid. I would have been all over it. I used to love reading (and trying to figure out all the alternate endings) to Choose Your Own Adventure books when I was a kid (although I hardly remember them now; the only thing I remember was the one about the pyramids and getting turned into a mummy), but I never cared for the happy endings.

The guys at League (Ken Chapman and Johnny Atomic) have been great to work with (as in, they set me loose on this awesome idea, and then when I turned stuff in, picked apart the stupid and vague parts and made me fix them, which is a mark of greatness in my book), and Ana Bruno did awesome art. I chortled over the whole galley; right now, I feel like my writing is just the excuse for the concept and the art. I like working with people who are more talented than I am–I feel like I’m getting away with something, so just try to stop me.

I am lucky to be working on this project, you know?

*Or c) both, apparently.

Posted on August 6th 2010 in Uncategorized

More rejections than you can shake a stick at!

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I finally got caught up on my short stories in my spreadsheet today.  Bad writer!  Bad!

Here are the short story rejections I’ve received from April-present:  12*

Here are the stories I’ve finished since April (8), when I started purposefully doing more of them:

  • The Cargo of the Gods (SF)
  • People Juice (Crime)
  • The Cliff House (F)
  • Murder God of West Branch (F)
  • Winter Fruit (F)
  • Uvlechenie (SF)
  • Miracle, Texas (F)
  • The Procrustean Mirror (F)

I should be done with “The Resignation” (SF) tomorrow.

I have two more stories (old ones) out for submission, “Abominable” (H) and “Things You Don’t Want” (H), which makes:

  • Science Fiction: 3
  • Crime: 1
  • Fantasy: 5
  • Horror: 2

The next one should be a mystery, n’est-ce pas?  Of the genres that I like to read, I haven’t written any mysteries.  Sure, the other genres have elements of a mystery story, but they aren’t actually mystery stories.

I’ve submitted to eighteen different markets since April.

Rejections to date this week:  3.

Most rejections received on one day:  5 (including novel rejections).

General cockiness level:  Not terribly.  But it’ll take more than this to cow me!

*Which makes it look a lot less painful. Except I keep getting novel rejections at the same time.  But more on that later.

Posted on August 4th 2010 in Uncategorized

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-08-01

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  • What if you couldn't hire an accountant if you were bad at taxes? #
  • What if you couldn't hire a decorator unless you knew your color wheel? #
  • What if you couldn't hire a secretary unless you could prove you were a PowerPoint master? #
  • I don't expect the clients to be able to communicate through writing. I love people who are looking for "writters," because I can help. #
  • If one task you're hired for is to communicate professionally, should your clients have to jump through hoops to prove their skills in that? #
  • So…http://queryshark.blogspot.com/2010/07/166.html #
  • Pathfinder – Laura E Reeve: I sense This Is Not Over. Ending went by too quickly. #
  • Jane Austen's Fight Club: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2PM0om2El8 #
  • In a heroic effort to get caught up, I wrote almost 10K today. Five chapters. I'd feel better about it if I weren't so stunned. #
  • @doycet Grats on the job offer! #
  • How to boil an egg: http://www.b3ta.com/links/502106 All I need is a chainsaw… #
  • Another personal editor rejection. Siiiiiigh whee! siiiiiiiiiigh. #
  • Elya took some fantastic pictures of me yesterday. Also some dumbass ones, but those were TOTALLY my fault for making faces. #
  • Half Moon Investigations – Eoin Colfer: A master of character. High (personal) stakes for a middle grade book. Liked it. #
  • After dog highjinks today, I want to take my day, throw it on the ground, and stomp all over it. #
  • Okay, moving on with my day. #
  • Actually got Ox to obey for [drumroll] thirty seconds today. Hard-won victory. #
  • The Great Plains is like that ALL OVER. RT@slashfood Fertile Mississippi Delta region a 'food desert?' http://bit.ly/bssO7X #
  • To write a short story within a few hours, have a viable story idea (for you) B4 starting. A good idea isn't enough; *you* have to love it. #
  • Painful lesson, perhaps learned, perhaps not. #
  • I know, I know. It's too boring being in the same room as a working writer. #
  • @ApexBookCompany SevenNationArmy earworm good :) in reply to ApexBookCompany #
  • @ApexBookCompany Lucky you. in reply to ApexBookCompany #
  • For someone who tears up every time she watches Pride & Prejudice, you'd think it wouldn't be so hard to write the love (not "sex") scene. #
  • Okay, this week's story is Not Ready to Write; I only had half the idea. Last week's story is done now, though. WHEW. #
  • Uvlechenie done: "Space. It was the biggest small town in the universe." #
  • I defend your right to say what you like…but I don't have to let you bring me down, so na na na, bye! #
  • Up for today: Chapter, silly food show, short story, brainstorm murder-mystery characters, movie! #
  • C29 Chance: The demon tilted its head to the side. “Keep killing us. We’ll keep coming, but there’s only a couple of thousand of us.” #
  • If you have to ask, "How hard could it be?" the answer is maniacal laughter. #
  • @ianthealy What's that from? @dknippling<—-HUH? in reply to ianthealy #
  • @ianthealy You're the one who sent it! in reply to ianthealy #
  • Remind me again why I'm putting up with more adolescents than I have to. #
  • @ianthealy Ahhhhhhhh. in reply to ianthealy #
  • Just so. Anne Rice refuses name "Christian."
    news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100729/ap_on_en_ot/us_books_anne_rice #
  • I can't wait. @jasummerell It smells like October. #
  • @maureenjohnson Word not save: Copy all, paste into e-mail, send, reboot. Too many track changes? in reply to maureenjohnson #
  • @ChuckWendig Careful, you've almost gone into Dark Tower speech there. in reply to ChuckWendig #
  • Friday is rejection day. Two so far… #
  • Three, three rejections! HAHAHAHA! #
  • Watching a cable TV show off the Internets for research. Really? How do people stand to watch TV without Bejeweled? #
  • Wow. There are a lot of Dibs out there. #
  • @saucy_dryad Quick, go shopping. in reply to saucy_dryad #

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Posted on August 1st 2010 in Uncategorized

I have a member blog!

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Things are getting closer with the League Entertainment book.  Check out the “Member Blogs” section…

www.leagueent.com

And, soon…

www.doompress.com

Posted on July 30th 2010 in Uncategorized

Story alienation

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A few days ago, I had a breakthrough with my latest novel, currently called A Chance Damnation.  I had been plugging along with more or less success, turning the occasional nice phrase, moving the plot along, etc.

Then, suddenly, I had no connection to my characters.  I couldn’t feel them, couldn’t imagine what they were doing.  I couldn’t hear their voices in my head.  Every line was pulling teeth.

But when I went back and read those days, I found the writing was, if not pretty, compelling.

Today, I wrote almost 10K.  It took a while, but it all came out.  Again, not as pretty as the earlier stuff, but I found out things I had no idea were in my brain…and yet had set up in previous sections.

What happened?  I have no idea.  Usually, when this kind of thing happens, I throw my hands up in the air and cry “Yield!  Uncle!”  Since I started doing NaNoWriMos, I’ve cut back on that kind of thing, but this one was pretty severe (admittedly, they all feel pretty severe).

Posted on July 26th 2010 in Uncategorized

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-07-25

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Posted on July 25th 2010 in Uncategorized

A few Taltos guesses.

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During the course of a pretty bad month, I managed to finish the rest of the Taltos books out to date.  I ended up with some guesses; don’t read any more if you don’t want to hear anybody else’s thoughts on the matter.

  1. Tiassa: Khaavren will be in there. (Yay!) We will find out that Pel is still around, and, in fact, HAS been around for quite some time, right under our noses.  The Demon?
  2. Pel is behind most of it. I’m not sure why; something’s wrong with him. He probably went to the Jenoine for more power or something.
  3. Laszlo has been around for quite some time, and is an Easterner. Vlad will find out how this works.
  4. Zerika is going to start falling apart, my guess is over the death of Laszlo, at the hands of Verra.
  5. Zerika will break the cycle (somebody will).
  6. Norathar won’t make it. If B. is being particularly ironic, she’ll get sucked into a Great Weapon which Cawti will then bear.
  7. Vlad will, briefly, take the orb, through some twisted logic of being the next Dragon heir, by blood (a lot of unexplained blood swapping happens, you know?). Not sure how he’ll go after that.
  8. I don’t know how the Tekla/Easterner thing is going to work out.  I really don’t.  Vlad is going to do something cataclysmic about it, acting instead of reacting, as it were.  I suspect war against the Jenoine.

No proof, just speculation.  And incomplete speculation, at that.

Posted on July 24th 2010 in Uncategorized

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-07-18

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  • Time to pry Ray out of bed. #
  • Made it back from SD again. Just exhausted. #
  • Trying to get through my e-mail, but people keep sending me more. [Head spins.] #
  • Looking Glass Wars by Frank Beddor – one of the better retellings of Lewis Carroll; inventive but not especially whimsical. #
  • Darkly Dreaming Dexter by Jeff Lindsay – 3 gory thumbs up (not mine). Ending went too fast. More scenes, less cute on the epilogue, 'kay? #
  • Uhhh…this story turned out better than I thought it would. An experiment in world-building. #
  • The Cliff House: "That’s power, all friendship and sudden threats." #
  • Want: http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts-apparel/womens/8a70/ #
  • @doycet That's a good one. in reply to doycet #
  • @chizinepub Reading Choir Boats. The first page grabs already. #
  • Get free @chizinepub PDF book Choir Boats, by Daniel A. Rabuzzi: http://news.wowio.com/2010/07/book-of-the-month-choir-boats/ #
  • @ianthealy Should not be afraid greatly: Some are the birth are great, some achieve greatly, and some have are pushed greatly in them. in reply to ianthealy #
  • #shakespeareinengrish FTW! #
  • Going through the motions today. I need to figure out how to get from this attitude to somewhere better. #
  • …And "Just wave your magic @#$%^& wand" ain't gonna cut it. #
  • These kinds of day are a lot harder when you don't do lots of caffeine. But you get so many more of these days when you do. #
  • I need to watch more movies. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QEY6_jcrzI8 #
  • Writing with an outline is like drawing the edge of a fractal using a few simple rules. #
  • Just so. RT @wwbhjd Little Gods http://nblo.gs/5RsNk #
  • Okay, okay, the Old Spice Guy is brilliant already. #
  • @ApexBookCompany I am easily amused. in reply to ApexBookCompany #
  • Click send! Out the door. #
  • @DaphneUn I have a significant number of cousins I have never met. I have nth-degree cousins, though. in reply to DaphneUn #
  • Cliff House is out: "I’ve grown so used to dirty bread that I would miss the taste if she didn’t drop it." #
  • @DaphneUn My family is close-knit. There are just HUNDREDS of them. in reply to DaphneUn #
  • @ChuckWendig Mandolines also punish you if you do something stupid. It looked like I flipped off the wrong guy for about a month. in reply to ChuckWendig #
  • Coming down with a cold, I think. Time for some juice. #
  • @HumanTextuality That was a pretty funny linking error, actually. in reply to HumanTextuality #
  • Odd & the Frost Giants – Neil Gaiman: charming but…give me Diana Wynne Jones's Eight Days of Luke instead. #
  • We Have Always Lived in the Castle – Shirley Jackson: Real horror, not the jumpy outy kind. A masterwork. #
  • @ApexBookCompany Sheesh. Calm down, will you? Windup Girl is next. in reply to ApexBookCompany #
  • @catvalente I'll be your huckleberry—zzt, beta reader. in reply to catvalente #
  • @lablib Always glad to bring someone else over to the Ox side. in reply to lablib #
  • @ChuckWendig @laurakcurtis I loved my mandoline and it done me wrong! in reply to ChuckWendig #
  • The inside of this tea mug looks like a tobacco stain. The dishwasher cannot defeat the tea. #
  • Goodbye, my fair friends. When next we meet, I will have finished a chapter. #
  • C14 Chance done: "But her father could send her out to pick flowers for the altar in January and she’d come back with *something.*" #
  • Hungry. Peach salad with fresh mozz and prosciutto. Wooo! #
  • Sorcerer's Apprentice mentions Tesla and has the guy from How to Train Your Dragon. I might have to see it. #
  • C15 done. "He was pretty proud of himself until he realized he couldn’t find the switch to open the damned door." #
  • @DaphneUn I like strange names, like Aloysius. in reply to DaphneUn #
  • @Dabeak Near…Far! in reply to Dabeak #
  • Song for the Chance soundtrack: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0eQL5R3bw4 Yes, it's from True Blood. I didn't know that at the time. #
  • Another: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCsHS6ZYfHE Ukuleles and girls with sweet voices. And yet I still hear Tom Waits in it. #
  • C16 Chance done: "He was yelling at the top of his lungs and his heart was pounding so hard he couldn’t hear himself." #
  • Another song for Chance: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6Z_So76zhU Not a big Nirvana fan, and the lyrics don't work, but the tone is perfect. #
  • @DaphneUn "Mature" MG readers have to read up to YA. The difference between MG and YA seem arbitrary, a market rather than a natural split. in reply to DaphneUn #
  • @DaphneUn Or that could be an area of useful agenty advice. in reply to DaphneUn #
  • Okay, time to do yoga and prepare myself for my NOSH experience this evening. Think hungry thoughts… #
  • Personal rejection from Orbit. Mixed feelings :) #
  • I think I just burnt the bottom of my foot on a piece of dark-painted metal. #
  • Quizzing glass: single magnifying lens on a handle. http://www.candicehern.com/collections/04/eyeglass.htm #
  • YESSS! Choir Boats mentions "Tlon, Uqbar, and Tertius Orbis." #
  • @ianthealy Alien Blue to Devi Pillai @ Orbit, 3 weeks ago, forwarded to Jen Watkins, rc'd July 13, full page, what else do you want to know? in reply to ianthealy #
  • @ianthealy "Interesting premise, story doesn't draw me in." in reply to ianthealy #

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Posted on July 18th 2010 in Uncategorized

Short Stories

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I’ve been writing a lot of short stories lately, pushed by something that Dean Wesley Smith said at the workshop – at one point, he wrote 44 short stories in a row, one a week.  Another thing he said:  if it takes more than a few hours to write a short story, you’re wasting your time as a writer.  (I have a feeling he said it better than that, but you get the point.)

Hell, I said.  If not now, when?

So I’ve been trying to write a new story every Tuesday.  That makes three new stories in three weeks.

I didn’t get it done until Wednesday this week, mostly because I was trying something new (deliberate world building), and I started with a setting before I had a plot in mind, and it thhhhhhbbbbt did not work.  I started over on Tuesday night with a plot, then (look over there!  Baby wolf!) sneaked it into the setting.  I don’t know why it made such a big difference, but it did.

What I’ve learned so far:  it’s not that hard, once you’re at a certain point in your skill set, to turn out a short story quickly.  What you need to know:

  • How to write quickly, no matter how badly. NaNoWriMo is good for this.
  • How grammar works, in general (nobody wants to do days of cleanup on commas, and short stories have to be just about perfect before you send them).
  • How a character voice works, that is, how to make your characters sound and act like themselves and not someone else.
  • How a plot works, that is, how to set up a beginning, middle, and end.
  • How to create a setting that reflects character voice.
  • How to open up and trust your instincts and your emotions (very difficult for me).  You don’t have time to think about it; you just have to have faith.

Sorry.  Simple statements of complex life lessons, as a writer.  But it’s not like you have to be a Master of the Short Story in order to start writing them, just have the (extremely complicated) basics down.  These last three stories aren’t great, but they’re not half-bad, either.  If I’d come across them in a magazine, I would have enjoyed them.

Also, no matter how bad you think a story is, finish it.  This last one, I was cursing myself for a fool and an idiot until I got almost to the end, and then I liked it.  For me, it has a touch of grace, a completely undeserved gift from a higher (if nastier) being.    Not a deus ex machina ending, but a mysterious judgement that the main character has difficulty accepting.  I like that.  Okay, there are a couple of points I’m still not sure about, but I’ll let a few rejection slips talk me out of them instead of second-guessing myself before I even send it.

The last thing is that the patterns that I find in the subjects I pick is slightly horrifying.  Not the plots, but the themes.  Really?  Is this what I think about?  But maybe it’s a type of therapy, burning out my issues in stories much like Picasso painted through his Blue Period, and when they’re gone, I’ll never be able to write this type of story again, so I may as well use them up while I’ve still got them.

So, total novels out:  2.

Total short stories out:  9.  Wish me luck; I’m on the short list on one of them.

I think my goal for next week is to write sci-fi with an actual what-if idea.  I don’t write much of it, mostly low (non-world-building) fantasy.  Fantasy set in a sci-fi world won’t count, I think, unless I get stuck on an idea, and that that’s what I get.

Oh, and a note:  if you start writing a short story, and it turns into a novel, and you’re not under contract for a short story?  So what?  The novel I’m working on now started out just like that.

Posted on July 15th 2010 in Uncategorized

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-07-11

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  • We are safely home in COS. Had pollo con crema to celebrate. #
  • I apologize; I'm waaaay behind after the SD trip. I'll get caught up ASAP. #
  • Done with Procrustean Mirror. Taking break to unpack. “What’s in the box?”
    “Your marriage.” #
  • Ambergate by Patricia Elliott – Beautifully flawed characters in character-driven plot, first of series. #
  • Sweet Myrtle & Bitter Honey by Efisio Farris – cover-to-cover Sardinian cookbook. #
  • I'm in a mood. Funny, it's not time for PMS, but it feels similarly wonky. I'll probably just go with it. #
  • I think I figured out where to send Chance Damnation – to ChiZine, not a NY house. I suddenly feel much better about the book. #
  • There's always free cheddar in a mousetrap, baby It's a deal, it's a deal: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxLAT2U1bCc #
  • A zorcico is a type of Basque music/dance. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tt-yWQEXeo #
  • @ChuckWendig Oh, God. I take back all the poo jokes I made this week so far. That's tragic. in reply to ChuckWendig #
  • @doycet !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! in reply to doycet #
  • @doycet I told Lee. He was less than comprehending for thirty seconds. in reply to doycet #
  • @doycet No, it was like, "What does that mean?" in reply to doycet #
  • C13 Chance done. "When a man runs away from the table, you don’t go looking for him, not unless you were his girlfriend or something." #
  • @chizinepub BLUSH. in reply to chizinepub #
  • @chizinepub True…but thanks for being around, eh? in reply to chizinepub #
  • @syrimne1 One "we don't take no steenkin ms" and one "thanks, I got your ms, will look at it later." Not from same house :) in reply to syrimne1 #
  • @syrimne1 You? in reply to syrimne1 #
  • The Spirit Lens by Carol Berg – gleefully read every word. Next book's not out yet, dammit. #
  • Finally made it to Trinity last night. Good beer, great food, wonderful company. #
  • @syrimne1 Sent out hardcopies to everyone I didn't otherwise hear from on both books, then an e-query to a new ed to replace the rejection. in reply to syrimne1 #
  • Working on a good project…but OW my head hurts from hitting the wall. Ungh. #
  • @syrimne1 There's nothing like a day of mailing out packages to give you incentive to finish that chapter you've been putting off :) in reply to syrimne1 #
  • @kknippling Send them both my keeeses. in reply to kknippling #
  • At the marina in Chamberlain in case anybody needs to know. (Knip reunion.) #
  • Sunset, river. #

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Posted on July 11th 2010 in Uncategorized

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-07-04

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  • Ungha. #
  • @ChuckWendig Woot! Congratulations on your new house! in reply to ChuckWendig #
  • C4: Any minute, the flames would spread to the dry grass outside the church, and all hell was going to break loose, if it hadn’t already. #
  • These chapters are running shorter than usual, about 1500 words to my usual 2000. #
  • Hm…is 72K too short for a horror/dark fantasy novel? #
  • Sometimes I love the unknowns implicit in an outline. "HOW am I GOING to pull THAT off?!?" #
  • C5 Chance done: "And thinking about Maeve maybe being pregnant when she’d died wasn’t making him any less nervous, either." #
  • Jasper Fforde's Shades of Grey: conffusingly enjoyable. #
  • Pondering how to make a predictable short story perversely enjoyable… #
  • All right. Ray's at karate camp. If I can get four chapters out by noon, I'm going out for lunch. Goodbye, my tweet! #
  • C6 Chance done. "It smelled bad, sour sweat and vomit, and he knew the demons would never find them where they had gone." #
  • C7 Chance done. "The gold-tag demon grabbed the Bible out of Sebastian’s hands and ripped it right down the middle." #
  • Dang it. Still midway through third chapter. Need food….maybe tomorrow. #
  • Ray passed her belt test and is now a high yellow belt! Woooo! #
  • Also, the first day of karate camp went swimmingly. When I came in, they were just finishing the plum flower sword kata, sans footwork. #
  • @syrimne1 Good article. in reply to syrimne1 #
  • @DaphneUn She says (graciously), "Tell her, I said thank you." So poised. in reply to DaphneUn #
  • @doycet Heh. in reply to doycet #
  • Ray's book has been sent out for e-subs to five eds. Still awaiting printer cable… #
  • @Three_Star_Dave She says,"Yay!!" in reply to Three_Star_Dave #
  • Ate at Tomo to celebrate belt test success. In a yakiniku-induced stupor. #
  • @kknippling Sent e-mail. You're welcome to hang out with us on the third, too, if we get things figured out. in reply to kknippling #
  • Tuesday. Short story and one chapter day. #
  • Just finished a creepy, horribly predictable short story. Heh heh heh. #
  • Lunch is OVER! Back to work! #
  • @kknippling Nope, to kateknippling@gmail.com. Is that NOT your email? in reply to kknippling #
  • Yay! Start work on an online story for the book tomorrow. #
  • @kknippling Okay, added your other addy to my contact list and forwarded to correct addy. in reply to kknippling #
  • Don't wanna! I'm not sure what it is that I don't wanna, but I don't WANNA. #
  • Mailing mailing mailing… #
  • @doycet Write first! #
  • @doycet Somebody mentioned that about Cage yesterday to me, too. Jinks! in reply to doycet #
  • The Drowned Life by Jeffrey Ford (ss collection): surreal whiskey shots, one per story. #
  • Sep 10 Analog: Pupa, Eight Miles (is that steeeampunk?), Spludge, Red Letter Day, and stuff that didn't click for me. #
  • @ianthealy I think Spludge was more your style than mine, though :) in reply to ianthealy #
  • @doycet Or just now answer most of it at all, if you listen to Seth Godin too much. in reply to doycet #
  • Oooh, ten NIAs for $50. #
  • Today is doggy bath day. If you never hear from me again, that's what happened. #
  • K. To work. #
  • Ditto. @doycet Crochet "Robot Droid" Hat. Want. http://is.gd/dbqP1 #
  • C9 Chance done: “I don’t know. It seems more likely than that the demons want a little half-blood girl.” #
  • C10 Chance: "Saying you don’t believe in magic is like saying you don’t believe in miracles. It’s like saying you don’t believe in God." #
  • Hitler's Angel by Kris Rusch: Just so. I have trouble with that same question. #
  • Heading out of Kearney. Five hours to Soo Foo. #
  • Omaha. #

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Posted on July 4th 2010 in Uncategorized

Oregon Workshop Brain Twist

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I went to the June Novel Writer’s Workshop with Dean Wesley Smith and Kristine Kathryn Rusch from June 14-17.

It was good.  I’ll get to that.  But it was also incredibly sad, and even now it’s hard to write about it.

First off, what it was about:  it was a workshop for writers on the edge of getting published (or getting published but with an excess of frustration) to help them get their novel out.

But not to agents.  Directly to editors.

I’d been considering the idea for a while but wasn’t really sure how to go about it.  Does the ms need to be…perfect before I send it?  If an agent is supposed to make sure your book is ready for an editor, how…do you do that by yourself?  What do you send?  How do you find out where to send it?  What if, God forbid, the only guidelines for a publisher’s website say, “No unagented submissions.”  Most of them do.  What if I do something wrong with the editor, then get an agent–have I screwed the pooch forever?

Maybe I should just go the agent route until I figure out what I’m doing, I thought.

But I had this feeling that agents weren’t going to like my books, because I don’t have “bestseller” written all over me.  I write what I write what I write.

I ran into Kris’s Freelancer’s Survival Guide first.  It’s good; if you’re going to freelance part- or full-time (or are just thinking about it), read it.  (If you’re just messing around and going, “Someday I’ll [insert project here],” don’t bother.)

From there (gateway drug), I went over to Dean’s Killing the Sacred Cows of Publishing.  Scary stuff.  You’re on your own, baby, and if you think an agent/editor/publisher/PR/publicist/fan base is going to make it magically all better, you’ve got another think coming.  After several weeks of hyperventilating, I decided to sign up for this workshop:  if I could walk out of it knowing whether to send a novel to an editor or not and how to do so if I wanted to, it would be worth it.  An end to the endless cycle of anxiety–should I?  shouldn’t I?  I’ll just give up and do it the way people are telling me to do it–would be worth it, even if I found out the answer was NO.

In short, I loved it, really liked all the people involved, loved the area (it was like any given tourist town in the Black Hills, with the hills and an OCEAN, so funnily familiar), loved the hotel (a miniature House on the Rock), want to go back.

Now for the sad part.

At a certain point, it doesn’t matter whether the ms is perfect.  The agent isn’t a writer and can’t magically make my book all better.  Basically, you get a book ready for an editor the same way you do for an agent.  You make sure your query letter is perfect and your formatting is perfect:  they’re your interview suit for the best job ever.  And then you send it out.

There are more details, but I don’t feel like typing out two-and-change days’ of information.

You ignore the “no unagented submissions” part.

And then you send it.

There is no magic recipe, there’s just you and your book and your interview suit (no bunny slippers allowed).

I grieved over this.  Rationally, I knew it, but I didn’t believe it.  By the end of the class, I believed it.  I’m a writer; if I keep it up long enough, I’ll be a professional fiction writer.  Any failure is due to excuses and life events, which, since all writers have them, end up as excuses.

I really don’t care what anybody else has to say about it; I’ll be interested to hear other people’s views, but it’s not going to stop me.  I have two books out now, both to agents and editors.  I’m writing another book.  I wrote a short story in three hours yesterday, and it’s good.  And this on top of all the other freelancing I’m doing.  I could not have done this a month ago–rather, I could have, but I never would have considered it.

For some reason, the change was incredibly sad.  Goodbye, not being a writer.  I’m glad I was you, but I’m not you anymore.

Posted on June 30th 2010 in Uncategorized

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-06-27

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  • @dcawley I bow to you on your DnD goodness. in reply to dcawley #
  • @syrimne1 Three more eds, via e-mail. I will send out via snail next Sat a.m. if I hear nothing. in reply to syrimne1 #
  • Savvy by Ingrid Law was pretty good, a YA tall tale. Just excellent writing, although the plot was slow at times. #
  • Scavenger's Guide to Haute Cuisine by Steven Rinella: I read every word. Not something a speed-reader often says. Great nonfic storyteller. #
  • Got Shutter Island by Dennis Lehane at airport. Liked it until end, then wished to strangle author for bad science. ONE GUY is a study? #
  • I have too many library books at home. Can you tell? :) #
  • Finished outlining next book, feeling pretty hip. Time to do some yoga and get knocked down again. My dog does stretches better than I do. #
  • Grilled angel food cake for breakfast…mmmm….. #
  • @MsAllieD There are as many pro-life signs in South Dakota as there are wineries in Oregon. in reply to MsAllieD #
  • via @maleesha: Star Trek: Tik Tok http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZWaWrvJ7nA Awesome. #
  • Tim: Defender of the Earth by Sam Enthoven – another good book ruined by a transcendental (read: deus ex machina) ending. #
  • Things transcending life as we know it are problems, not solutions. He got it half right. Fun female lead though, especially the very end. #
  • Yesterday was a bad day. Today will be better, because I said so, and I can do things like that. #
  • The dog is eating my hose. It's all fun and games until you threaten my strawberries. #
  • @tafkae Yeah, she's full up. in reply to tafkae #
  • @tafkae She did really well with the first real instance – just about party wiped us, though. I will let you know if she changes her mind. in reply to tafkae #
  • Fatally Flaky by Diane Mott Davidson: Fun cozy read, good recipes, but I called the ending. I LIKE to be bamboozled by mysteries. #
  • Sea of Monsters by Rick Riordan: YA adventure. Not deep, just fun and easy to relate to. Not as good as book 1. #
  • Wild Robert by Diana Wynne Jones: Novellette? Not sure what the point of this was. Felt like a truncated novel. #
  • Almost cleared out overdue liberry stack…yesterday's bad day = a lot of reading done. Oh, well. #
  • I hate this McChrystal thing, but it's been a long time coming. #
  • I'm thinking of calling the new book, a dark fantasy set in 1960s South Dakota, "A Chance Damnation" – whaddya think? #
  • @syrimne1 How many eds are you planning to send to at one time? in reply to syrimne1 #
  • @ianthealy Heh. When I met Lee at an RPG, that was his character name. STORY OF MY MARRIAGE! Rrrrowr :) in reply to ianthealy #
  • Frames – Disappointed: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZdx9e3YdVY&feature=related First song on the new book playlist. #
  • @doycet Coooool. in reply to doycet #
  • @doycet Isn't that the truth about publishing, though? in reply to doycet #
  • C1 on Chance Damnation done: "Someday, he was going to marry her, and there would be problems." #
  • Heh. That quote probably made you think I'm writing a *totoally* different book than I really am. #
  • @doycet Whatever sound it makes, it certainly is very strong in the whiny "poor little publishing industry, can't make a buck" sound. in reply to doycet #
  • Ray and I are off to her belt test for high-yellow. Wish her luck! She has worked SO hard on this kata. #
  • Back from test – won't find out until next week. #
  • @doycet Re: publishers. I also bless copyeditors and artists. Dunno. Big suckage drives big innovation. You'd rather live now than 50 y ago. in reply to doycet #
  • @ianthealy @stryscribe No, you'd get *two* pro investigators laughing at you behind your back. in reply to ianthealy #
  • I am very witty, insightful, and productive when I'm avoiding something else. #
  • @doycet You don't want to be just starting this in 10 years. You want to be 10 years ahead of everyone in 10 years :) in reply to doycet #
  • @syrimne1 I'm putting together a package for a kids' chapter book. So the pressure to send to a bajillion agents is halved. in reply to syrimne1 #
  • @syrimne1 Er, editors. in reply to syrimne1 #
  • Somebody send me a deadline! #
  • @ianthealy Done with seven minutes to spare! in reply to ianthealy #
  • @doycet Yours is a little harder…backup to CDs? Write a story a week? Check on subs? in reply to doycet #
  • Time to give up on the submission to LCRW. They've had it for 10 months and won't respond to my "Hello?" inquiries. #
  • @syrimne1 I am not doing the art or hiring an artist – wow, Hadn't even considered it. in reply to syrimne1 #
  • @doycet It just seems weird for you to be upset about being on the frontlines of the change. "I was alive and I waited for this." in reply to doycet #
  • @doycet Like, dude, isn't that what you're supposed to be doing? What you were built for? in reply to doycet #
  • @syrimne1 I have to fight the urge to jump into sequels. Sell book one. Then write book 2. in reply to syrimne1 #
  • @ianthealy I'll let my honey do that. in reply to ianthealy #
  • @tafkae Er…I think the point of philosophy is that it isn't stupid. But then there were some of them that I wanted to beat up. in reply to tafkae #
  • @tafkae Except they were already dead. in reply to tafkae #
  • I am in love with Wanda Jackson. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pzJ3hiqsi0U&feature=related #
  • I finally found it! Tennessee Ernie Ford singing 12 Days of Christmas! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eu0uSQ_vbZw #
  • Now that's a bass. #
  • Johnny: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgK-1mpSljI&feature=related

    As a child, he had cried, as all children will. #

  • I'm having waaay to much fun looking up songs for this book. #
  • Muppets spoof of cooking shows: http://www.youtube.com/user/MuppetsStudio?blend=2&ob=1#p/u/5/2Qj8PhxSnhg #
  • @doycet I should have ditched the war analogy. Generally the opposite of stupid is stupid. in reply to doycet #
  • @doycet But yeah, see your point. And it's not like there are only two sides, either. in reply to doycet #
  • Leon on the Spitting Image by Allen Kuzweil – YA silliness with a lot of spit. Unexpected ending. #
  • Hello, Twitter. Goodbye, Twitter. #
  • C2 Chance done (new POV): "Theodore rolled his eyes, as if to say, There goes Aloysius, trying to save the world using his mouth." #
  • @kknippling Yay! Pretenders. in reply to kknippling #
  • @kknippling Google's nickname isn't "Skynet" for nothing. in reply to kknippling #
  • C3 Chance done: "Or maybe he was praying that Theodore wouldn’t kill him." #
  • Interestingly, if you burn a cow with anthrax, it may take up to three days to get rid of the carcass. #
  • That's a lot of wood. #
  • So I don't forget, Theodore has a garab knife. http://www.marcialtirada.net/filipino_weapons #
  • I have the next set of e-mail subs prepped (for Ray's book). Going to wait until tomorrow, scan over the one more time. #
  • Hardcopy subs have to wait until I get a new printer cable. With switch from old PC to laptop, I need a converter! #
  • Off to the farmer's market! Lee has to work today. #
  • Decided today will be a dreadful day, as in, I'm going to do all the things I've been putting off, or a good many of them. Like Quicken. #
  • Front yard trimmed, yoga done. Arms shaking. #
  • @syrimne1 If you are moved to write a sequel, it's not stupid. I promised to write a sequel for the chapter book after I'm done on this one. in reply to syrimne1 #
  • Quicken and hustling done. #

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Posted on June 27th 2010 in Uncategorized

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-06-20

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  • I want to take the day off, dammit! #
  • I enjoyed Karate Kid with Ray and her karate school yesterday. I had to laugh at inappropriate moments, though, like the crane kick… #
  • @senseihaynes I wanna see you do the upside-down crane kick. #
  • In Denver. #
  • Now in Portland! #
  • Virga: Rain or snow that evaporates before hitting the ground. Via A.Word.A.Day #
  • From Uncle Dan: The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi (?). #
  • Another from Dan: I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. #
  • @ianthealy For my Uncle Dan, they're not bad puns. They're AIR. in reply to ianthealy #
  • No more sleep. Time to walk the beach instead. #
  • Picked up a bunch of shell fragments that have been worn down into what look like teeth. And hearing aids. #
  • In Portland. Already missing the sound of the ocean. #
  • In Denver. Flight out at…9:30. #
  • @Daphneun This was a much better idea on the way out. Seemed like it, anyway. #
  • At concourse B, looking for my gateless gate. I think I passed it. #
  • @Daphneun My instincts say no. Unless the nostrils features burnt meat. #
  • @Daphneun Wow. Phone input bistro as what?!? #
  • Bored, bored, bored. #
  • Yay! Ray finished the end of her story and liked it. #
  • @syrimne1 I made it back safely :) #
  • @Three_Star_Dave Okay, here's the plan: instead of calling it "Ghiradelli's for breakfast" call it the no-pain pain au chocolate diet. in reply to Three_Star_Dave #
  • @doycet Fishy farm: I know, right? in reply to doycet #
  • Returned from trip. Cleaned out fridge. My squick for the week is over. Don't Lee & Ray EAT while I'm gone? #
  • That is, don't they eat anything out of the fridge? #
  • Ox wants to bring the pain down on the guys clearing branches from the power lines. He keeps huffing at me for keeping him inside. #
  • He thinks they're threatening the strawberries, I guess. WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP THE SQUIRRELS WHILE I WAS GONE, OX? WHY?!? #
  • My goodness! Where does the licorice go? #
  • @Knippling Freakin' teeter. in reply to Knippling #
  • @Dabeak What, was she digging? in reply to Dabeak #
  • @doycet If you want more talk on Twitter, you could start a pun war with me. Just saying. in reply to doycet #
  • Daily food lesson: Make crepes in two pans. Then, if one of them sticks, you can abandon that pan. Price: burnt pinky. Ow… #
  • Ray's not feeling well today, going to miss belt test practice. She's drugged up and eating a crepe now. #
  • I make all-healing crepes. Had nothing to do with the Motrin, I swear. #
  • Three more subs sent out. Glah…my mouth tastes terrible. Dear self: it's FINE. #

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Posted on June 20th 2010 in Uncategorized

Description Ah-Ha: First Impressions

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If all description is a part of character (that is, if all the description you put in a novel reflects your POV character or narrator), then a lot of description is the character’s first impression of a thing.  Not just “what would your character notice” about a thing, but “what would your character notice that he’s noticing?”

For example, Bill in Alien Blue would probably look at the front of my house and notice that it was red and yellow with a front lawn going to seed and a “Solicitors will be fed to the dragon” sign on the front.  But his first impression would be that the front yard was as scraggly as a hippie’s ass. —He would have met Lee before he walked in the door.

Posted on June 19th 2010 in Uncategorized

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-06-13

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  • I was thinking I hadn't had a rejection for quite a few days in a row and was feeling paranoid that I had only dreamed of submitting stuff. #
  • Luckily, I was rejected today, and now feel more secure in my place in the universe. #
  • Tra la, tra la. #
  • @ianthealy God paged me, you'll never see the light, who wants to see? in reply to ianthealy #
  • @rachelgoing What are buttermilk pies like? I haven't had one. in reply to rachelgoing #
  • @Knippling Congrats on your chinchilla bebe! in reply to Knippling #
  • My boss made me work a fourteen-hour day! Waaaaaaah! #
  • She did give me a manga break, though. #
  • @DaphneUn You're so subtle, you Catan addict, you. in reply to DaphneUn #
  • @Three_Star_Dave You should be mooning after M. I suggest using your new l33t phone to send her a snapshot :) in reply to Three_Star_Dave #
  • Yay! Going to be an awesome day today. #
  • Mandoline chopped off the tip of my finger because I was being an idiot! Not faaaaaiiir! #
  • To be honest, the asparagus ribbons were quite tasty, though. Maybe it was the blood spatters. #
  • @BPGlobalPR It was bound to happen. Satire is hard to understand when so many people are in denial. in reply to BPGlobalPR #
  • @ChuckWendig Stubborn beets = undercooked. in reply to ChuckWendig #
  • @ChuckWendig IMHO. I live at 6K feet, so I'm used to cooking them forever. I tend to nuke the bastards under plastic wrap instead. in reply to ChuckWendig #
  • @ChuckWendig No! Deny not the beetaliciousness! in reply to ChuckWendig #
  • Please check out the PPW critique corner! Several people are looking for groups. http://www.pikespeakwriters.com/critcorner/ #
  • The kids' book is done! Let me know if you have kids and I can foist a softcopy on them for comment (8 yo target audience). #
  • It's an adventure story with spies and magic. Warning, kids do get hurt (but not killed) in the story. #
  • Thrilled! Ray just read half the book. #
  • Also, she just put Bjork on her Pandora. #
  • CAKE OR DEATH! Ray's watching it right now… #
  • I @#$%^&* hate Open Office. It's worse that MSWord. #
  • @jonahofthesea Grats! in reply to jonahofthesea #
  • Brain dead. Need a break. Oooh, or chocolate. #
  • Paying jobs done! Now I need to finish my reading for the workshop… #
  • Working on the summary and query letter for Floating Menagerie. #
  • @doycet Sheeeeeesh. A difficult dream. in reply to doycet #
  • @ChuckWendig Team Fortress 2! Heavy and Medic FTW :) in reply to ChuckWendig #
  • @tafkae Yep, I have such a pan. in reply to tafkae #
  • Putting together a food-freelancing resume. Let me know if you have a restaurant or food-related website and want me to do some free work. #
  • @tafkae K. in reply to tafkae #
  • I think I write stories about the incompetency of THEM and the humor that ensues when normal people get sucked into taking THEM seriously. #
  • …or the tragedy that ensues, I guess. #
  • This is why, I think, Libertarianism, as a movement, irks me. Independents should not attempt to become a THEM. #
  • Finished reading Blink by M. Gladwell. My blink = the flip test. One paragraph, three random spots in book, I know whether I'll like it. #
  • I think prologues are usually so bad because the AUTHOR's not in love with those characters, either. #

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Posted on June 13th 2010 in Uncategorized

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-06-07

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Posted on June 7th 2010 in Uncategorized

Coming up with a setting to love.

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What makes a lovable setting? I don’t know yet.

Obviously, it’s going to vary from person to person; we all like to read different things. But people who like to read often talk about books they didn’t want to put down, because they liked the characters and setting so much. I have a handle on what characters I like, but I haven’t really thought about the settings I like.

The first thing I did was look through my handy dandy bookshelf to find books whose settings struck me as being good. (I arbitrarily decided not to use any visual media, like TV, comic books, or movies, in order to not confuse the issue.) I did not actually flip open the books to read how well things were described–I’m not at the point where I’m trying to find out how such effective (affective?) settings were built, just which ones I like the best.

They seemed to fall into three groups.

The first group was fantastic settings:

  • The Princess Bride
  • Discworld
  • Dragaera
  • Stephen R. Donaldson’s Mirror of Her Dreams books
  • Howl’s Moving Castle
  • Narnia
  • Tad Williams
  • Sandman
  • Tamora Pierce
  • The Neverending Story
  • Chronicles of Amber
  • Piers Anthony
  • Douglas Adams
  • The Eye of the Dragon

The fantastic settings were the settings that I tended to think of first as being good settings.

The second group was mundane settings:

  • Jane Austen
  • Dorothy Sayers
  • Sherlock Holmes
  • Janwillem van der Wettering
  • Agatha Christie
  • John D. MacDonald

But these were the books that I wanted to take down and flip through. Most of these were mysteries.

The third group was urban fantasy settings, that is, setting with magic in the “real” world:

  • The Circus of Dr. Lao
  • Artemis Fowl
  • Changeless
  • The Diamond Age
  • Sorcery and Cecilia
  • The Mysterious Benedict Society
  • Cherie Priest
  • Harry Potter
  • Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrel
  • The Club Dumas

I seem to have a fondness for books of manners with a dash of magic.

There were also some books that felt like they didn’t have a setting, the setting was so integrated:

  • Gormenghast
  • Lord of the Rings
  • Dumas pere
  • Jorge Borges

In this last set of books, I wasn’t wistfully thinking I wanted to read the books again so I could get back into the setting so much as I felt that those settings had been so thoroughly integrated into yours truly that I couldn’t actually leave. Having once read these books, my perceptions had been so changed that I couldn’t un-read the books.

I don’t know if I want to actually write one of these last books.

Posted on June 3rd 2010 in Uncategorized

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-05-31

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Posted on May 31st 2010 in Uncategorized

Book Review: Devices and Desires

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by K.J. Parker.

I love books in which the characters drive the plot. This is a book in which the characters are the plot.

The main character of this book, Ziani Vaatzes, is an engineer who makes the mistake of making improvements to “already perfect” specifications.  He’s condemned to death, but escapes–without his family.  Vaatzes realizes he wants his family back, and goes about making a machine to make this happen.  It’s not an actual machine; it’s a logical machine, made out of people, politics, technology, and probability.

Vaatzes will do anything to get his family back.

I’m going to go deep for a moment and say that the series–three books–describes a machine rather than a plot.  It’s interesting reading the chapters in which Vaatzes isn’t the main character, because in the first book, all the characters are cogs in a machine with only the appearance of free will.  Perhaps in the other two books, things will get out of Vaatzes’s control, and the story will turn back into a plot.  There are only a few places in which things do not occur as Vaatzes anticipated; he gets things back on track.

The intricacies of the machine–human beings and the way they work together–are fascinating, and the writing is superb:

They had told her that Orsea was in the arbor behind the chestnut tree.  She called his name a few times, but he didn’t reply, so she assumed he’d gone back inside.  Then she caught sight of a flash of blue through the curtain of trailing vine.  He  hadn’t answered her because he was asleep.

Like an old man, she thought, snoozing in the afternoon.  Orsea never slept during the day; indeed, he restned sleep on principle, the way people resent paying taxes.

Vaatzes is the embodiment of the idea that the ends justify the means.  He feels bad about what he’s doing and wishes he were someone else, so he wouldn’t have to do what he’s doing, but he isn’t about to stop himself.  I’m looking forward to the other two books.

From an interview with the author:

The Engineer trilogy started with a Bridgeport universal milling machine, a seventy-year-old miracle of engineering with which a competent machinist could make anything from an earring-back to a battleship. Its owner, who was teaching me to use it, spoke a strange language, where the words seemed familiar but had new and radically different meanings.

To him, ‘tolerance’ wasn’t an abstract. You could stick a definite article in front of it, or make it plural. A tolerance to him was the degree to which you were allowed to deviate from an unattainable ideal, and it was quantified in ten-thousandths of an inch. One ten-thousandth this side of the line was OK; the other side, and the thing you’ve been working on for two days straight turns into scrap and goes in the trash. It’s not often you get three complete books handed to you on a plate like that. All I had to do was go away and shuffle the words around.

Note: K.J. Parker is the pseudonym of an author who generally writes very different books but is keeping it a secret. How exciting!

Posted on May 26th 2010 in Uncategorized

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-05-24

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  • Yay! REALLY unusual words. http://users.tinyonline.co.uk/gswithenbank/unuwords.htm I've never heard of a bunch of these. #
  • @ChuckWendig Huh. I just made that last night, with mini dried shrimp. in reply to ChuckWendig #
  • I am freeeeeeeee! Fulltime freelancing has begun. #
  • @averagebetty Cap vs. no cap post-colon: Use house style guide or sheet; if no guidance provided, make sure it's consistent. in reply to averagebetty #
  • @averagebetty I just read this yesterday–you MAY use the cap post-colon if it's a complete sentence after the colon. But your discretion. #
  • This morning's goal is to complete the rewrite of Ray's story through C8, then clear out inbox (brag sheet, critique blog, org signing). #
  • Chapters done. "She used the bathroom, washed her hands, and looked in all the drawers while the water was still running." #
  • Mission impossible! da da da da… #
  • Working on brag sheet (finally). #
  • @ianthealy Riiight. Didn't you just tell me that S-Team was four years old, and you're getting a story published in thousand faces? in reply to ianthealy #
  • The PPW May Brag Sheet is up at http://blog.pikespeakwriters.com/?p=111. #
  • Down to the last two e-mails, which are going to have to wait until tomorrow! #
  • @ianthealy Are you *hairflipping* me off? in reply to ianthealy #
  • @ianthealy Or is it what happens when you buy a toupee, wait for it to increase in value, then sell it again? in reply to ianthealy #
  • @averagebetty Yay! You can't help but profit by good grammar. in reply to averagebetty #
  • Dropping another story off at the post office today, which will make six stories and one novel out for subs. #
  • That's the second time a potential client has asked if I'm on Skype. Dear fate, I get it. I'll talk to Lee about it tonight. #
  • Chapters 9-12 for Ray's. "Oh, great," a voice from the top bunk said. "I'm trapped on a pirate ship with someone who gets sea sick." #
  • Looking at an old story to see if I can should send it out again. Not as bad as I feared. Messing around with awkward constructions. #
  • Apparently, it's now un-American to ask companies not to shit where they eat. #

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Posted on May 24th 2010 in Uncategorized

Book review: Heir of Autumn

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by Giles Carwyn and Todd Fahnestock.

You can’t tell from the cover.  You can’t tell from the description.  You can’t tell from the blurbs.  I have yet to read a review of the book that captures what I’m talking about–but it’s the reason I keep recommending this book to people.  Certain people.

People who like to snigger.

Not at the book, as such.  At the humor buried deep in the book.  I don’t want to spoil anything, but I will provide one example, because it’s on the first few pages.

One of the main characters, a beautiful foreigner who grew up on a pig farm, uses sex magic.  This is explained logically, is used seriously, and is a major plot driver.

This doesn’t stop the authors from having gleeful Beavis and Butthead moments.  ”Yeah!  Yeah!  Sex magic!”

Here’s a quote:

Shara’s father called her a whore the day she left home. After ten years, that was what she remembered most about her parents. She could still hear the hate in her father’s voice as he passed his final judgment, could see him scowling in that chicken-scratched yard while her mother stood by, head bowed, saying nothing in Shara’s defense.

“If I am a whore,” she said to herself, “what a magnificent whore I will be.”

Not elegant.  Not lyrical.  But I keep trying to foist this book off on people who I think will get it–the compelling surface-level fantasy and the hidden, over-the-top humor.  A hipster book for fantasy geeks.  I love it.

Posted on May 22nd 2010 in Uncategorized

Freelancing.

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I am twiddling my thumbs, waiting for work to come in. I have things lined up, but they’re not for right now.

I’m ready for right now.

I have bids out on eight or nine projects, with nary a nibble (mostly because they’re not ready to pick people yet, looks like).

Thus, I have completed eight chapters on Ray’s book in two days, sent off one story, and started revising another.  I am doing more research into my eventual markets.  I am not sitting still.

Why do I feel like I’m just sharpening my pencils?

My boss.  She doesn’t like me to sit around.

Posted on May 21st 2010 in Uncategorized

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-05-17

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  • Trent Reznor has a pot belly. I seen it. #
  • @DaphneUn Looking forward to Nia tonight :) in reply to DaphneUn #
  • @doycet Yay! Grats. in reply to doycet #
  • Just got back from first Nia class. Like the best parts of college, oddly. #
  • @DaphneUn Good luck! in reply to DaphneUn #
  • @mtfierce There's the need for food, the need for heroin, and the "need" for attention. An inexact word over which to argue. in reply to mtfierce #
  • @mtfierce Grooooaaaan. in reply to mtfierce #
  • I will work hard on getting edits on two projects done, so I can do some new writing. Yay! #
  • Editing the chocolate story means listening to Vampire Weekend! "When your birthright is interest, you could just accrue it all." #
  • And Iron & Wine "On Your Wings" – "God, give us love in the time that we have…God, every road takes us farther from home." #
  • Jesca Hoop Big Fish "I'm a seed, I'm a seed, I'm a seed/From a dandelion wish." #
  • Done editing the chocolate story. Except for the formatting. Guhhhh. #
  • Okay, formatting done. Now I need fancy paper. #
  • @knippling Bug mom to pick a Grandparent camp week. I will only turn over the chocolate story in person. #

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Posted on May 17th 2010 in Uncategorized

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-05-10

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  • Cats wave their tails to show they're angry and likely to attack. Yet another reason our cat hates our dog? #
  • I just made 2 peanut butter cup cheesecakes for Cinco de Mayo. Somebody please confirm that Mexicans like peanut butter, 'kay? #
  • @DaphneUn Do you think Trixie will dance for me the next time I'm up? I am sooo cuted out by little girls in tutus. And hula skirts. in reply to DaphneUn #
  • @ChuckWendig wrestles with himself as a writer. " I burned the pinky with hot coffee as an example to the others." http://bit.ly/brdDWj #
  • Chapter 2 (finally) of Ray's story went down very well. I read to the end of the chapter. Then Ox sneezed and scared the crap out of her. #
  • Once again, I didn't get everything done that I wanted to do. Nevertheless, time for a shower. #
  • It looks like someone hacked my gmail. PW changed; sorry folks! #
  • @IanTHealy Reading comments. Your namesake is an ass. Of COURSE you can have his ship. #
  • @ianthealy Inserted blue language: "Ye clatty, spuffing pavees! I'll kick you in the cacks if ye don't turn loose me door!" in reply to ianthealy #
  • @ianthealy You're not being overly picky on comments. Good stuff. in reply to ianthealy #
  • @ianthealy I love Cowboy Beebop. (I still haven't seen all of them yet, though, so don't spoil them for me.) #
  • Hellyeah! RT @ChuckWendig Forget Stephen Baldwin. Let the Glory go to Joss. http://bit.ly/aZgBzQ #
  • @Three_Star_Dave I initially read that as "baby pants." in reply to Three_Star_Dave #
  • @doycet To create a company-oriented voodoo doll, simply make a small pillow decorated with their company logo; stuff with shredded EULAs. in reply to doycet #
  • Watched Sherlock Holmes last night. Loved it. Needs 2 sequels, with a death scene atop Reichenbach falls at the end of the second movie. #
  • Robert Downey Jr does a very good OCD, by the way. #
  • Don't waaaaaannnnnna be good today. #
  • Blog: Recipe: Pork Meatball Banh Mi http://foodie.deannaknippling.com/?p=2174 #
  • @Knippling Congrats to Jasmin! in reply to Knippling #
  • @ChuckWendig And where is the recipe for these sriracha almonds? in reply to ChuckWendig #
  • Blog: Smiley's Bakery: Good food, annoying space http://foodie.deannaknippling.com/?p=2177 #
  • @ChuckWendig Dang, the AB recipe looks good, too. in reply to ChuckWendig #
  • PMS depression successfully defeated by Lee's (bbq) ribs, grilled corn, and Levity beer. Sorry, got nothing done this weekend. #

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Posted on May 10th 2010 in Uncategorized

Some of my rookie mistakes.

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Ian wanted to know what some common, fixable rookie mistakes were, and I realized the list I was writing would make a good blog post — because they’re my rookie mistakes.  Not that I’ve really stopped making them, but at least I can spot them and go, “Perhaps not.”

  • Writing a very similar story to the author’s favorite writer without realizing it.

  • Too many characters in the opening (and no clear hero).
  • A convoluted plot with no point.
  • Overgeneralization instead of providing details (show, not tell).
  • Trying to be clever and dropping in “hints” of backstory at inappropriate moments, just because it was the first time I mentioned something related.
  • Spending waaaay too much time describing characters’ outfits.
  • Writing an interesting beginning and dropping off into blandness, because I can’t figure out how to revise.
  • Writing main characters that nobody can empathize with.
  • Action scenes strung together without any concern for meaning or giving the reader a break.
  • Unrelenting seriousness that takes a perfectly good plot and turns it into unintentional melodrama.
  • Trying too hard to be funny.
  • Writing an absolutely evil character with whom I cannot empathize.
  • Writing main characters without flaws; o woe is me, why are all these terrible things happening?
  • Writing passive characters.
  • Stacking endless prepositional phrases in an effort to sound poetic.
  • Trying too hard to sound “fancy” when a plain, clear, direct style would be much better.
  • Describing something, then deciding I had a better description for it, and leaving both descriptions in.

And that’s just what I can think of off the top of my head.

Posted on May 4th 2010 in Uncategorized

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-05-03

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Posted on May 3rd 2010 in Uncategorized

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-04-26

2 Comments »
  • Back to work. Not looking forward to this day at work…tossed and turned all night. #
  • Lee made some of the best ribs I've ever had tonight. "Don't worry," he says. "The next batch will be better." #
  • Working on a chapter book for Ray. "Ordinary girl must save mom, known as Queen Bee, from smugglers of magical animals and humans." #
  • I'm calling it The Floating Menagerie. There's a boat. #
  • And don't say, "No 8 year old will know that word." Pfft. Like nobody learned a vocab word from a book before… #
  • So many, many, many things to do. Sleep happened to be #1 on my list this afternoon, though. #
  • 11/26: "You're not crying, either. Nice. I couldn't stand that, if the Queen Bee's daughter were a crybaby." #
  • @elizawhat Me, too. Which explains my lack of pronunciation skillz. in reply to elizawhat #
  • Dear Adobe, what could you possibly have to update this morning…again? Stop crying wolf, bitch! #
  • Going to the PPW April Write Brain tonight – It's pitch boot camp, yo! #
  • @barryschwartze Gotta blame the GOP for Rush hour. Get him off the radio, man! in reply to barryschwartze #
  • @ianthealy You and your damned hockey! See you soon :) in reply to ianthealy #
  • WTF? A three-page permission slip?!? #
  • @ianthealy Nope. Florissant fossil beds. in reply to ianthealy #
  • I am drinking hot cocoa with a giant strawberry marshmallow. Because I said so. #
  • It's a strawberry marshmallow, too, from Rancho Liborio. #
  • Boo! Rejection in the mail today. Yay! Talking to project artist tonight! #
  • Why are form rejection letters always so smug? "I just wasn't enthusiastic enough about this submission." #
  • Okay, not always. The "this wasn't for me, but thanks for thinking of me" letters are appreciated. #
  • Don't subtly insult the people who might be paying your bills – or the people who look up to you. Even if you don't like their stuff. #
  • Getting ready for #ppwc. My freakin' website on my biz cards is outdated, dammit. #
  • @DaphneUn When including pages, always be sure to send the shoes! in reply to DaphneUn #
  • @DaphneUn Seriously, the only time I've seen you smug was after Catan. I'll believe it. in reply to DaphneUn #
  • @DaphneUn – I have a friend who's interested in coming to the open Nia house, but the website shows a master class on 13th/6p. Er? #
  • @DaphneUn I'll tell her it's the right one, then. Thanks! in reply to DaphneUn #
  • @jonahofthesea Grats! in reply to jonahofthesea #
  • Sad now. @ChuckWendig When I say, "I ate Five Guys," that's not what I mean… #
  • Shoot. I can't remember where I found this. "My Milk Toof." Show to all wee ones: http://mymilktoof.blogspot.com/ #
  • Pikes Peak Writer's Conference starts today. I pitch to the EIC of Del Ray. Wish me luck :) #ppwc #
  • @ianthealy You too! in reply to ianthealy #
  • @ChuckWendig Thanks :) in reply to ChuckWendig #
  • So, last 24 hours: Fog, sunshine, hail, and snow. Yay COS! #
  • @maleesha I'm sorry you're not there! in reply to maleesha #
  • @ianthealy Yeah. In bed at midnight, SLEEP IS OVER at 6 a.m. #ppwc in reply to ianthealy #
  • Karen Albright Lin has a cookbook that includes folklore. I think I talked her out of a chapter so I can cook it and blog. #ppwc #
  • Here's Karen Albright Lin's "Cooking in Leaves" link: http://www.karenalbrightlin.com/cookingleaves.html #ppwc #
  • Also, the tale on the website deals with the Dragon Boat Races. EIGHT SKILLED GENTLEMEN by Barry Hughart! Swoon… #
  • NIN and Peter Gabriel on the way to #ppwc this am. A good sign. #
  • Waiting for Godot–I mean my pitch appointment. #ppwc #
  • @ianthealy You say your smatypants comments to me in person! #ppwc #
  • Twenty pages requested! #ppwc #
  • In other news I may soon be a puppy momma! #
  • We now have a 11-month mastiff-[something] puppy! Welcome to Number 10 Ox. We pick him up at five today. #
  • Just got out of #ppwc. (Sniff!) #
  • The puppy pictures are up: http://www.facebook.com/deanna.knippling #
  • I napped for an hour this afternoon. I am already at the point where my body hurts from exhaustion again. #ppwc #

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Posted on April 26th 2010 in Uncategorized

Panda bears and marshmallows

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Ray met her 8th-grade penpal today – who gave her a plushy panda to go with Ray’s other plushy panda.  I drank the cocoa.

22 Apr 10 004

Posted on April 22nd 2010 in Uncategorized

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-04-19

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  • Luckily, the waitress did not set herself on fire with the saganaki. Opa! #
  • @Knippling If you're looking for stuff to read, I should have the Chocolate Story done soon :) in reply to Knippling #
  • @ChuckWendig Jeez, Chuck. Who knew self-publishing had turned into the equivalent of drinking the kool-aid? in reply to ChuckWendig #
  • @Knippling Chocolate Story will likely come your way first. AB will probably have to be pried out of my cold, dead hands via contract. in reply to Knippling #
  • @serafinowicz What's your favourite word? Sasquatch. #
  • I now have three short stories out at one time. And a novel. I feel all productive and stuff. #
  • @charbar74 You can tweet now? Time to hide the silver. in reply to charbar74 #
  • Wood Chick's BBQ was very good, but the suggestive mounds of pulled pork on cornbbread were too jiggly, I kept having to shake the table. #
  • Also, the counter service was like going through the Inquisition. "Here or to go? Damn your eyes…" #
  • Beautifully simple crab soup at Brutti's in Portsmouth. #
  • Anybody know how long the chapters in a chapter book are? I don't have any at hand, and nobody wants to put a whole chapter online. #
  • Looks like it's about 50 words/page for a chapter book. #
  • @dcawley These would be for kids chapter books – 4-8 year olds. 250 words a page? in reply to dcawley #
  • Dug another story out of the mulch pile and sent it off. Hey! It wasn't too bad, eh? #
  • To me, first drafts are accompanied by a mocking voice saying, "This suuuucks." With variations. But they're not that bad, really. #
  • @dcawley I throw a children's book at your head. in reply to dcawley #
  • @scalzi Correction to vinegar chips post: Kettle cooked DILL PICKLE CHIPS. They're like tasty mouth knives. in reply to scalzi #
  • Clash of the Titans (new) is the movie that Terry Pratchett was mocking with Dunmanfestin years ago. #timetravelwin #
  • Miracle, Texas is out – back to the Chocolate Story. And the mandocello! #
  • @mightymur Run! in reply to mightymur #
  • Ooh, I just went back through the Choco Story to see what else needed to be done. Not much! #
  • Choco story sent out to first readers. Should be wrapped up and sent out soon :) #
  • Ray rolls her eyes and counts off a number. Rolls her eyes, counts off next number. I ask what she's doing. Counting sheep :) #
  • I read Ray the first chapter of her story. One fixit, but otherwise she liked it. A very good first listener :) #

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Posted on April 19th 2010 in Uncategorized

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-04-12

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  • Going on a jet plane today, hoping it'll actually take off on time. #
  • Grinding my short-story writing skillz while TDY. #
  • I finally wrote the "murder god" story; chars no longer resemble the people they were inspired by. THAT story is too complex to write. #
  • Now I'm working on "Miracle, Texas," about an Old West tribe of Amazons. It doesn't go well. #
  • Although that's the basic plot of any story, isn't it? "Here's the situation; it didn't go well." #
  • On my way back from DC. Smithsonian good. Traffic bad. The Mall is an overdignified state fair. #
  • @Knippling That balloon went right over my house! in reply to Knippling #
  • Chuao's Firecracker (dark choc, chipotle, salt, pop rocks) is both funny and delicious. It's the salt that makes it, though. #
  • @Knippling I thought PPZ was good, but made me appreciate Jane Austen all the more. in reply to Knippling #
  • I have bribed the maids into letting my room stay a mess with chocolate Riesen. #
  • Bought a laptop mouse. Ahhhhh, sweet lord. #

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Posted on April 12th 2010 in Uncategorized

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-04-05

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  • I hate herding cats. I hate herding cats. I hate herding cats. I hate herding cats. I hate herding cats. I hate herding cats. I hate h #
  • Ray's sick. Might be strep. Doc's opens at 8:30. #
  • Then again it might not be strep. Her throat hurts, she can't talk, but her lymph nodes don't hurt, apparently, and no guck in her throat. #
  • She had trouble breathing last night. Not much sleep for either of us. #
  • Ray update: she has general crud that's irritating her airways kind of like an asthma attack. Antibiotics and a temp inhaler. #
  • @three_star_dave Ray's a lot better. Prolly be there tomorrow. #
  • I see I'm going to have to watch my grammar watching. http://www.asofterworld.com/index.php?id=544 #
  • Mystery WIP rewrites sent out; submitted short story to Weird Tales. Good writing day. #
  • Want. @doycet My easter t-shirt: http://bit.ly/cYipBE "Jinkies! That creepy zombie was Old Man Jesus all along!" #

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Posted on April 5th 2010 in Uncategorized

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-03-29

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  • The "Obamacare is from SATAN" people are cheesing me off. Hello? I hope you got paid to go against your own best interests there. #
  • Don't like it? Fix it. But don't take away the chance of writers being able to GET insurance. #
  • Done writing for the night! Almost done with the first draft of mystery project–80% or so. #
  • I'm getting to the point where I don't want it to be oooover. #
  • Dude. From the new phone. #
  • @tafkae Does the dirt just float away when you listen to Sigur Ros? Apparently not. in reply to tafkae #
  • Forgot the phone at home this morning, post-blizzard. Duuuuhhhhhh. #
  • On the last block of the WIP, first draft. Waaaahhhhhh! #
  • Ugh. Nap attack. #
  • WIP first draft is done! #
  • WIP first draft done. My goal today: INBOX 0. #
  • @DaphneUn A stuffed mole. Does it have the face tentacle things? in reply to DaphneUn #
  • Snowing under a blue sky. #
  • Down to two e-mails, one of which I will resolve today. #
  • I just realized Lee's beard looks like the lead singer of Static X's hair. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWdA1DKfbwo&feature=channel #
  • Updated Alien Blue with new beginning and incorporated Richard's comments. #
  • Down to one last e-mail. #
  • And none! DING DING DING! NO E-MAILS IN THE INBOX! Yesssssss! #
  • Ray's singing, "Z is for zombies, z is for zombies, zombies eat braaaaaaaaaains, z is for zombies." #
  • @ianthealy You are having all the luck with this trip, aren't you? in reply to ianthealy #

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Posted on March 29th 2010 in Uncategorized

What’s your all-time favorite movie, book, TV show…

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That is, the type of entertainment you turn to in times of trouble?  The Bible actually works with this (the New Testament, anyway), so pick something else.

I have predictions about what type of story you’ll pick.

Click here to read more.. »

Posted on March 27th 2010 in Uncategorized

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-03-22

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  • Blog: No more recipes for a while… http://foodie.deannaknippling.com/?p=2165 #
  • Repo! vs Repo Men. http://www.tor.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=blog&id=58903 #
  • Lee says it's almost grilling season. Yay! #
  • Almost done with the writing slog for tonight. Come on…just one more grotesque death. You can do it…you can do it… #
  • @ianthealy I am ALWAYS open for suggestions of grotesque death. Although I keep finding myself toning them down for the audience. in reply to ianthealy #
  • @ianthealy Also, grotesque deaths pervaded with black humor are a plus. #
  • Plan: Write. Haircuts. Groceries. Nap. Mix up dough for sweetrolls tomorrow a.m. Margaritas at Pine Creek. Cowboy Beebop. #
  • Tomorrow: TAXES. #
  • @ianthealy re mistaken for m'am: "Thanks. Just because I'm a bearded lady doesn't mean I enjoy being taken for a guy." in reply to ianthealy #
  • @ianthealy But then I like to mess with people. #
  • Extended bouts of small talk are like jerking on the lawnmower cord to get a real conversation going: repetitive and painful. #
  • I really don't spend much time in small talk land. I pounce on any weird detail. Like a hobby for historical scuba diving. Zowie! #
  • Today is tax day. #
  • Today is tax day. Please distract me. Pllllleeeeeeeeaaaaase. #
  • Also, I bought a cell phone online. If I don't give you my number, it's because I haven't figured out how yet. Or it's not here yet. #
  • @ChuckWendig YOU GAVE BIRTH TO A MONKEY!?! in reply to ChuckWendig #
  • @ChuckWendig Heh. in reply to ChuckWendig #
  • @MShades01 ex, Madeleine Preyroux http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pl-cVgAU8K8 in reply to MShades01 #
  • Calculate my home office, bitch! [Beats computer.] #
  • How do you figure out the value of your land without your house if it's not on your property tax statement? [Whimper] #
  • Banh mi = delicious. #
  • Er, banh mi are Vietnamese meatball subs with basil, jalapenos, pickled carrots & radish, cilantro, etc. #

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Posted on March 22nd 2010 in Uncategorized

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-03-15

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  • Evil! RT @FakeAPStylebook Remember: "its" means "it is" and "it's" is the possessive form of "it." #
  • Groooan. RT @ChuckWendig Yes, grass-fed ribyes. Come to me. Come to this hot pan over here. MOO HOO HA HA HA. #
  • Yes (female) – Mom. @mightymur Question to male authors: IF you swear in your novels, do people complain and tell you it's "not necessary?" #
  • Sounds like a purity test I took in college. @elizawhat
    The MMPI test I'm taking is 500+ questions long! http://tweetphoto.com/13824065 #
  • @elizawhat You know, that purity test *was* pretty tiresome. in reply to elizawhat #
  • @Three_Star_Dave I believe that was a minor subsection. Although Felix the Cat was mentioned several times, too. in reply to Three_Star_Dave #
  • I tried that, but the shrieking made my ears hurt. @tafkae I should rewatch Excel Saga if I ever have time #
  • Why is it so hard to get anything done when it's yucky out? It's not like I'm going outside. #
  • @MargieKleerup Oh, but you should see the foodie stuff I run across. Try @ChuaoChocoholic, @averagebetty, @thehungrymouse just to start. in reply to MargieKleerup #
  • @tafkae I watched the first two episodes of Excel Saga in English. in reply to tafkae #
  • I am done with Colorado Springs traffic. Not one but TWO accidents on the way home. #
  • However, Ray is getting ready for her yellow belt test, so I may have to get over this anti-driving attitude quickly. #
  • Also, don't mock people who have just emerged from traffic. #
  • Break's over! Write write write! #
  • @tafkae I should give the Japanese setting a try. in reply to tafkae #
  • La la la la la la la laa, la la laaaa! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QEY6_jcrzI8 #
  • Look, I'm a writer. "How to hotwire an armored truck" is an acceptable search term. #
  • Delicious with pancakes? RT @MsAllieD I like my bacon like I like my men… #
  • @MSAllieD @IanTHealy Brain surgery. #
  • @MSAllieD @IanTHealy And Hummer limos. The same day… #
  • I just came up with the perfect way to hide a spare key in your car, and I am so not telling you. #
  • Last night was a lot of messing around, disguised as research with a minimum wordcount. Today is getting shit done. #
  • Major milestone in WIP reached. Time for…breakfast! #
  • KKR's latest Freeland Survival Guide on risk taking: http://kriswrites.com/2010/03/11/freelancers-survival-guide-risks-part-one/ #
  • Back to work! [Crack.] #
  • @Three_Star_Dave Good job, Brown Belt Dave! in reply to Three_Star_Dave #
  • @Three_Star_Dave And give K a hug from me. She does good karate. in reply to Three_Star_Dave #
  • Took Ray to belt test practice. She learned her first kata yesterday and did it solo today. So proud! #
  • Then, raced back to the house to pick up Lee and drove to CULPEPPER'S. Then a nap. http://www.culpeppers.net #
  • I had the sampler with gumbo, red beans, shrimp etouffe, maque choux, and hush puppies. #
  • Ray had her first hush puppy. And her second. And her third. And her fourth… #
  • Lee shared his catfish and a piece of alligator. I didn't care for the alligator the last time I had it, but that was somewhere else. #
  • @ianthealy I have yet to run into anyplace in Cheyenne that I would recommend a special swing-by for. in reply to ianthealy #
  • I plead, "Come on. It could happen." #
  • Almost halfway thru WIP. However, starting to get creeped out. A sign of both effective writing and the end of the session. #
  • I thought I had reached my snort-inducing limit. No. The music swells, a romantic kiss, and a bad pun followed. #

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Posted on March 15th 2010 in Uncategorized

February Brust: Yendi (Part 3)

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C11.  Laris owns the flats where the riots occurred.  Vlad hires Sticks, who has connections with local musicians.  Flats previously owned by Baritt.  Baritt had been assassinated.

C12.  Cawti reacts to the riot:  ”He’s using our people.  That’s us, Easterners, being set up to be beaten and killed…”  Vlad:  ”I hate them…I started ‘working’ so I could get paid for killing them.”  Sethra the Younger described as a tall, dark-haired Dragaeran woman.

C14.  Vlad figures out that Cawti and Norathar were set up to be killed.

C15.  Adron, Sethra, Barrit, and the Sorceress in Green all knew each other in the days before the Interregnum and got along.  Vlad unravels the plot.

C16.  Another desc of a meal at Dzur Mountain skipped.  Oh, well.  ”You wouldn’t want her to turn you into a newt.”  ”I’ll get better.”

C17.  Mentions that the Empress is a friend of the Sorceress in Green.  Crap.  I can’t remember any of that crowd who was a Dragon.  Cawti mentions that she no longer has a patronymic.

Notes:

Brust has been laying down the setup for the third book, Teckla, since book one. (Aiyy, I dread rereading that.  It’s good, though.)  I suspect that Teckla wasn’t written in response to his divorce.    Wow.  I’m really having a hard time finding info on that, as probably I should.  Nevermind; I’ll let it go.

I still haven’t seen any sign of the Duke of Galstan, who is one of my favorite Brust characters.  Oh, well.

Next month:  Teckla.

Posted on March 14th 2010 in Uncategorized

February Brust: Yendi (Part 2)

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C4.  Description of Adrilankha, noted as the town where Kieron met with the Shamans and made a stand.  ”…but Kieron won the battle anyway, thus securing the foundations of an Empire of Dragaerans.  Shame about that.”  Vlad determines to build a spy network, if he gets out of this.  Vlad meets with Morrolan and corrects him on a point of witchcraft, gets money.

C5.  A brief description of how Vlad met Morrolan and attacked him.  Kiera gives Vlad a diamond to help keep him funded.  (How did she find out?  We know, now.)  ”I had occasion to visit Dzur Mountain recently.”  The Jhereg is tired of the war; Vlad is taken by Toronnan to Terion and warned off.  The Empire is putting pressure on the Jhereg.

C6.  A description of the Empress.  Vlad mentions that he’s descended Deathsgate Falls.  Vlad’s office is destroyed; he decides to set up in Laris’s office.  The Phoenix Guards leave the area.  Vlad attacked by the Sword and Dagger.  Vlad dead.

C7.  Revivification.  Devera calls Vlad “Uncle Vlad” and mentions Aliera as “mommy” and Morolan as “Uncle Rollan.”  ”Don’t mention to Mommy that you saw me, okay?”  Vlad meets Cawti and, five minutes later, is in love.

C8.  Aliera and Morrolan arguing about Norathar.  Aliera mentions that Kragar was thrown out of the House of the Dragon.  Sethra discusses how to join the Phoenix Guard.  Athyra never serve, nor Phoenix.  Empress’s lover is an Easterner; Morrolan claims never to have met him.  Sethra the Younger wants to conquer the East.  ’”That isn’t the point,” said Aliera.  ”If we drain off enough resources, what happens if a real enemy shows up?  The Easterners are no threat to us now–”  ”What real enemy?” said Sethra.  ”There isn’t–”  I stood and left them to their argument.  It couldn’t have anything to do with me, in any case.’  The plan to conquer the east, or the real enemy?

C9.  Vlad attacked again.  Establishing the plan to switch weapons.  Vlad beaten up by the Phoenix Guard.  Daymar did a mind probe on the guards, who were pulled from the Jhereg war due to a riot in the Easterner’s quarter.  Suspicions of Laris being supported by someone who’s rich.

C10.  A meal at Dzur mountain.  Aliera:  ”Second, Daddy wasn’t really the heir.  …There was a war, and he was killed.  There was talk of his child not being a Dragon.”  Heir is Norathar. First gene scan of Norathar done by Sethra the Younger. “She served her apprenticeship about twelve hundred years ago now.  When I’d taught her all I could, she did me the honor of taking my name.”  ”Dragonlord?”  ”Of course.” … “If someone did a spell to make it look like she wasn’t a full Dragon, Baritt must have been in on it.  The Lyorn could have been fooled.”  Nobody ate anything.

More later…

Posted on March 13th 2010 in Uncategorized

Belated February Brust: Yendi (Part 1)

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I think if you fined me a nickel every time I spelled “Steven Brust” as “Stephen Brust” I’d probably be a poor, poor woman.  Cripes.

Yendi is the book that starts out with the onion metaphor.

Kragar says that life is like an onion, but he doesn’t mean the same thing by it that I do.

He talks about peeling it, and how you can go deeper and deeper, until finally you get to the center and nothing is there. I suppose there’s truth in that, but in the years when my father ran a restaurant, I never peeled an onion, I chopped them; Kragar’s analogy doesn’t do much for me.

When I say that life is like an onion, I mean this: if you don’t do anything with it, it goes rotten. So far, that’s no different from other vegetables. But when an onion goes bad, it can do it from either the inside, or the outside. So sometimes you get one that looks good, but the core is rotten. Other times, you can see bad spot on it, but if you cut that out, the rest is fine. Tastes sharp, but that’s what you paid for, isn’t it?

I can’t help but wonder whether Brust sees Vlad as rotten in the core or with a bad spot. Probably the former, or Vlad wouldn’t be so sympathetic. Vlad, on the other hand, probably sees himself as the second, at least in this book.  There’s Vlad’s character arc for you across the series right there–figuring out that it’s just a bad spot, and then cutting it out.

Oh, yeah.  It’s also the book where Vlad takes over Laris’s territory, falls in love with Cawti, and pisses off the Jhereg for the first time.

I didn’t manage to spot Our Favorite Yendi, Pel, overtly in the pages of the book, but I have to wonder if he’s behind it all.  Or at least in part.  Indirectly.  He’s still around in Vlad’s time, as far as I can tell.

C1.  A party at Castle Black.  Brust nicely lays down the “You need a wife” theme; Vlad’s tired of visiting brothels.  Vlad is sneered at by the Sorceress in Green, who isn’t an Athyra (she’s the Yendi, if you remember).

C2.  Vlad lays out the timeline of his start in the Jhereg and how he got his territory.  The math of working for the Jhereg is strangely interesting, implying that something has to be unreasonably profitable for the Jhereg to want to take it on.  There’s a freelance Dragaeran named Ishtvan (an Eastern name).

C3.  Meeting at a restaurant.  The wine Kaavren/Khaav’n is mentioned, as is the fact that the restaurant (The Terrace) has been there since before the Interregnum.  Meal:  pepper sausages, green rice covered with cheese sauce.  Parsley fried in butter, lemon juice, rednut liquor.

More later…

Posted on March 12th 2010 in Uncategorized

Book Review: First Blood (Rambo)

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by David Morrell.

This is the original Rambo novel, which a writer buddy loaned me quite a few months back, and which I am just now reaching on my to-read list.

I never would have picked this up on my own.  Never.

I’m very glad I read it.  It’s not just the story of Rambo, a Green Beret just back from Vietnam, but the story of Sherriff Teasle, a good ol’ boy who’s willing to cause some trouble in order to keep trouble out of his town.  One of the things the ladies said at the Spring PPW Workshop was that for real conflict, both characters, from their own points of view, have to be right.  I don’t think I’ve seen a better book to embody this.

At first, I was rooting for Rambo.  He gets chased out of town for no reason other than vagrancy, and the Sherriff comes across as a dick.  Then you switch chapters, and you sympathize with the Sherriff, who shouldn’t have to put up with this shit sneaking back into town over and over, spoiling for a fight.  Then the two men start one-upping each other, and the body count became uncountable.  Neither one of them would back down, even when they stopped to see things from each other’s point of view.

In the introduction, David Morrell notes that he wanted to put the Vietnam war in America.  He succeeded.

(Spoiler)

I loved the ending, too, in which the two characters main characters die, but with something like compassion for each other in their hearts.  Who else understands?  Nobody who hasn’t been through it.  And us, a little, through our window.

Posted on March 11th 2010 in Uncategorized

Book Review: Unseen Academicals

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by Terry Pratchett.

I liked Nation, but in a distant, pastel kind of way.  I liked Unseen Academicals much better.

One.  Hey!  It’s not just a romance, and a competently written double romance, with four interesting main characters.  This, I might note, is not easy to write, and Terry Pratchett handles it with the facility of a second Midsummer’s Night’s Dream.

Two.  The Shove.  Terry Pratchett digs into the group mind and comes up with a consistent but not-directly-stated psychology.  How do people act in groups?  Why do they become like a different creature when they get into large groups–and why sometimes, but not always?  How do demagogues shove us around so easily?  Why do obvious lies get so much credence?

With the Shove, Unseen Academicals is a small education in thinking for yourself, like all the best Terry Pratchett novels.

Posted on March 10th 2010 in Uncategorized

Book Review: Old Man’s War

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by John Scalzi.

This book is a pleasant ripoff of Heinlein, with better humor, better writing, better plotting, and a better touch of the perversely funny.

Not as touching or moving as Heinlein at the top of his game; no Fridays or Jubals or glorious star-named twins.  But good.

Also, check out this opening:

I did two things on my seventy-fifth birthday. I visited my wife’s grave. Then I joined the Army.

C’est magnifique, non?

Also, I really like the conceit that only old people are allowed to sign up for the war.  Logically speaking, there’s an excuse for it, but it really doesn’t make any sense when you get right down to it.  Nevertheless, I really liked it as a hook, and it set up the end of the book, which I also stand behind as a hell-yeah.  Expect a review of the next book within, um, mere months!

Posted on March 9th 2010 in Uncategorized

Book Review: Artemis Fowl, the Time Paradox

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by Eoin Colfer.

You know how I said, for the previous Artemis Fowl book, that the moral of the story wasn’t hitting you over the head or anything?

Yeah.  Not the case here.

Artemis’s first real caper (before the events in book 1) was to kill the last of a species of lemur, selling it to a group of people who condemned animal species to die for being expensive to preserve and useless to humanity in general.  However, it’s the brain fluid of this very monkey that will save Arty’s mother from a terrible fairy plague that he accidentally gave his mother.  She’s doomed to die unless they use the powers of the demon Number One to send Arty and fairy Holly Short into the past to rescue the lemur.

The book would have been unbearably preachy if it were anyone else writing it, and I even agree with the guy.  However, with the action and (spoiler!) romantic plot elements, it was a run read.

I listened to it over audiobook.  There’s a different reader, Enn Reitel, than the previous books in the series.  He doesn’t do Irish as well, but does Cockney better.  Very fun.

Posted on March 8th 2010 in Uncategorized

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-03-07

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Posted on March 7th 2010 in Uncategorized

Book Review: Snow Falling on Cedars

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by David Guterson.

I am so far behind on blogging.  Holy cow.  The mystery project is going well, and I wrote my ass off today, but now I want to clean off my desk!

I picked up this book from Goodwill a while ago.  Sometimes I like to cruise Goodwill for trade paperbacks that look like women’s fiction yet literary, buy them, and read them when I feel like I haven’t read enough modern, non-genre fiction.  However, women’s fiction is a genre now, so that tactic isn’t going to work forever.  I read Memoirs of a Geisha that way, and Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood.

I picked this up along the same lines.

Nope.  Not all trade paperbacks are women’s fiction.  This is definitely not a woman-centric book.  Spoilers follow.

It’s the story of how a woman is fought over by two guys, while one of the guys is suspected of murdering someone else.  You know what the crux of the story is?  One of the guys has a major revelation that the woman is never going to leave her husband for him.

OH.  MY.  GOD.  That is so, like, um, deep.

There are seven or eight POV characters.  The book’s wonderfully written, stylistically speaking, and every male character in it is totally engaging.  The women are all one-dimensional bitches of one stripe or another.  I mean, I know you’re not supposed to read a book from a “Get Them Evil White Male Writers” perspective, but it just got under my skin, the way the former lover never listens to the woman, and how she never had anything to say, couldn’t express herself, and how the man, even at the end, never got it, that she really just wanted him to leave her alone.  Really.  Anybody who said it was tragic and romantic because the white guy and the Japanese American girl couldn’t marry during WWII deserves to get smacked up the side of the head.  The fact that the major revelation revolved around the guy admitting the possibility that the woman could possibly have an opinion of her own made me want to spit.  The guy was scum, okay?  How is that supposed to be romantic?  Would you want this guy stalking your daughter?  I think not.

Call me bitter.  But I was disappointed.

As far as the mystery of who killed the MacGuffin, it was okay.  No Agatha Christie or anything.  But okay.

I just watched the trailer for the movie.  GAK.

Posted on March 7th 2010 in Uncategorized

The new beginning of my novel Alien Blue!

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I went to the Pikes Peak Writers Spring Workshop on how to hook your readers within 120 words today.

I came away with a light in the attic, a threshold cross, the perfect souffle.

The intro isn’t perfect, but NOW I HAVE A CLUE on how to open a story.  This, in and of itself, is worth crowing about.

Here’s the short explanation, which will not be nearly as good as the long explanation, but it’s the best I can do:

There are things in this world that stop you in your tracks, that keep you from moving forward in your life in a dramatic way.  Diagnosis of brain cancer.  Shipping out to war.  Harassed by a cop one too many times.  Let’s call that a boulder.  Find the boulder in your story, the thing that will prevent the main character from going back to the way things were.  (It’s okay if he doesn’t know it for what it is.)  Start there.

Note:  If you find that, in the first 120 words, you have to explain why the first 120 words should hook the reader (but before her mom died of brain cancer, she murdered the main character’s father) then start there instead.

Incidentally, your reader won’t care about backstory until she cares about the character, so cut the backstory.  Your goal is to have such an engrossing scene that nobody cares what the backstory is.

Got it? Here’s how I rewrote the beginning of Alien Blue. It’s not perfect (not yet), but it’s about 1000 miles closer to what it needs to be:

The goddamned aliens were coming at dawn to invade the bodies of everyone in town and kill anyone who resisted.  And then the daughter Bill never knew he had walked into the bar.

He knew because she looked just like her mother.

“We’re closed,” Bill  said.

The young woman’s jaw jutted out, and Bill had a flash of deja vu.  The bar, as any fool could plainly see, was packed.

“Er, and there’s no room anyway,” Bill added.

The girl spotted the empty table he’d left at the back of the room.  ”I’m here to meet somebody,” she said.  ”He’s supposed to be wearing a cowboy hat with a pink band.  Have you seen him?”

Bill couldn’t help touching the Twins cap covering his bald spot.  ”Nope.”

The girl pointed to a table near the bar.  ”Isn’t that him?”  Bill turned his head to look, and the girl made a break for the back table.

Bill hadn’t even met his daughter, and he was going to get her killed.

Posted on March 6th 2010 in Uncategorized

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-02-28

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Posted on February 28th 2010 in Uncategorized

Mystery Project! And Choco Story update.

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I’m working on a Mystery Project.

I’m not one of the kinds of writers that doesn’t talk about her works in progress; you may assume there’s a reason.

[Insert smug here.]

I’m not done with the Chocolate Story yet – I keep having to back up and say, “Does this really do what I want it to do?”  I think the answer is that I just have to finish the polish and give the story to people to read and give feedback.  Honestly, I think the answer is “No, it doesn’t,” but maybe it does and I’m just thinking too hard.

So what, really, do I want it to do?

I started out wanting it to be a fun entertainment for my family, a gift. But that’s so wide a purpose as to be almost useless.  Also, my siblings (and significant others) are a somewhat non-normal group, so someone reading the story outside my family group would likely be confounded that I had had an even reasonable expectation of satisfying that purpose with the story in question.

So, to attempt a more succinct purpose – I want to write an interstellar  espionage romantic comedy in which the main character does not fall in love with the guy who seems to be perfectly wrong for her at the beginning of the story, because he’s an ass, thank you very much.

Posted on February 28th 2010 in Uncategorized

Book Review: Mysterious Benedict Society and the Prisoner’s Dilemma

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by Trenton Lee Stewart.

The inside flap states, “Is this the end of the Mysterious Benedict Society?”

I have to wonder.  When you tie up your loose ends, it’s usually time for Season 2 of a TV show or the end of a book series, lest one jump the shark.  However, for fans of the Society, I confirm the shark has been successfully not jumped.

A middle-gradish book (for ages 10-13) about four varied adventurers who outwit their adult opponents (with the aid of other adults), PD is, oh, almost as good as the first book (which gets extra points for surprise attack) and better than the second, whose cleverness was only apparent at the very end.  The only thing I didn’t care for was the depiction of the Prisoner’s Dilemma – a game problem in which one tries to determine whether cooperation or competition is the better strategy, and why.  The answer, in this book, is to cheat – that is, to walk away from the situation and create one’s own solution.

Not a bad message, per se, as long as one follows through on the consequences.  But not a terribly clever one, and thus disappointing.

Nevertheless, characters engaging, plot engrossing, prose amusing.  A good read.

Posted on February 23rd 2010 in Uncategorized

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-02-21

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Posted on February 21st 2010 in Uncategorized

The Tale of the Guinea Pig and the Tale of Onion Boy

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Two late-night stories.

Ray:

Once upon a time there was a Guinea pig who ate everyone on Earth.  Except his owner.  The Guinea pig was huge.  And one other person, who was hiding.  The person who was hiding came along and kicked the Guinea pig in the stomach, and the Guinea pig threw everyone up and became small again.  The end.

De:

Once upon a time there was a woman who hated onions.  She hated them so much that she ate them, because she wanted them to die!  One day, she was cutting an onion and found a seed inside.  She cut it open carefully and found an onion baby inside, a human baby who was tiny.  But because she hated onions, she hated the baby, too, and was mean to him.  Finally the baby ran away.  One day in the forest the onion baby found a giant who hated all people who hated onions, and who decided to find the onion-hating lady and kill her.  The onion baby followed the giant, knowing that the onion-hating lady still hated him but determined to save her anyway.  The giant yelled at the woman who hated onions to come out of her house.  She did.  The giant who hated the woman who hated onions challenged the woman who hated onions to a duel.  The two would stand inside giant bowls and cry into cups, and dump their cups into the other’s bowl, and see who drowned first.  The giant was very large, and each of his tears was the size of a car, so the woman’s bowl filled up very fast, on top of which, she wasn’t tall enough to dump her tears into the giant’s bowl, so she was drowning twice as fast.  Well, the onion boy was on the back of the giant’s shoulders, and when he saw what was happening, he cried so much that the giant’s bowl filled up faster than the woman’s bowl, and the two were up to their chins in tears.  The onion boy cried some more, and the giant started to drown.  The woman finally said, “Well, that’s enough of that.  I don’t deserve to be drowned just because I hate onions.  And the onion baby, who will drown that giant out of pure sadness if I can’t help it, doesn’t deserve to be hated just because I hate onions, either.”  So she started swimming (she was very smart) until she reached the edge of her bowl and jumped out.  Then, because the giant wasn’t smart enough to swim, she threw a hook over the edge of his bowl and tied it to the back of her truck and tipped the bowl over, saving the giant.  The giant left and the onion boy lived with the woman who hated onions, who loved the onion boy, even if he did stink.

“NOW GO TO SLEEP!”

Posted on February 20th 2010 in Uncategorized

Pictures!

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Most of the half-way decent pictures from last week were from Physics day.  Here are the rest:

La Lune, through the playhouse window.

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Glasses at the Warehouse.

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Mural at the Warehouse.

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Lee, somewhat amused at my taking his picture, at the Warehouse.

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The wine altar at the Warehouse?

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Ray’s picture selected for Black History Month at the Sand Creek Library.  It’s a lion.  I think it’s based on a traditional African art style they were studying.  I had fun talking to Ray’s art teacher, who has a toddler with destructive tendencies.  ”Don’t worry,” I said.  ”That means you have a creative kid.  Especially if they’re sneaky about getting in trouble.”  ”Oh, yes.”  ”Well, look at Ray.  She turned out okay.”  ”Good.  I was worried.”

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L’artiste.

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Some fantastic masks, from the same exhibit.

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Ray’s friend Xavier’s picture. X-man moved to a different school, which was too bad, because we both liked him.  But In Different Ways.

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Posted on February 19th 2010 in Uncategorized

Book Review: Artemis Fowl, the Lost Colony

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by Eoin Colfer.

Lest you think that all I did this week was read (and cook), I listened to Conrad’s Fate and The Lost Colony as audiobooks at work during a marathon session at work of doing something that required little brain power and a lot of time.  I was about to go maaaaaaaad.

Arty, Arty.  You’re almost too nice now, aren’t you?  So ruthlessly noble.

I’m tempted to say The Lost Colony is a book to teach kids to be tolerant of outsiders, including gay people.  Or, if you are an outsider, how to tolerate yourself.  The plot revolves around the lost colony of fairies (demons), who have taken their island off to limbo for a number of millenia.  The male demons (you don’t hear much about the female ones) are split into two groups, regular demons and warlocks.  The regular demons go through a warp that changes them from World-of-Warcraft sized imps into full-grown demon stock, in a twisting, agonizing rush of testosterone.  The regular demons sound like your stereotypical jock, slavering over the thought of violence.  The warlocks, however, which are thought to be extinct, never warp and are always imps, but have more than two brain cells to rub together, enjoy cooked food, and can hold a conversation.  And never fall in lust with violence.

Hm.

Well, I have no problem with that.  We outsiders have always tried out out-outside each other, to make ourselves slightly more inside, whatever that happened to mean.  Nevermind that; we’re too interesting to not get along with each other.

Fortunately, none of the characters is the slightest bit preachy.  In fact, the warlock is almost hopelessly whiny, at first.  He doesn’t get handed anything – he hands it to himself.

Anyway, enough about theme which may or may not be intended.

Posted on February 18th 2010 in Uncategorized

Book Review: Beyond the Deep Woods (Edge Chronicles)

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By Paul Stewart and Chris Riddell.

Mark from work loaned this to me; I read the first page and knew I’d like it, so I picked up a copy for myself before I’d even read it.

The book falls into the same category as the Trenton Lee Stewart (Mysterious Benedict Society) books:  I like them so immediately that I have no way to assess the books objectively.  I finished Deep Woods in a couple of hours.  A few pages before the end, I  said, “This book is a travelogue of a fantasy world with no plot whatsoever, and I shouldn’t like it at all.”  And then I happily finished it.

The book is filled with gorgeous interior illustrations, too, little ones that flow with the text, that seem as though they must have been drawn before the text was written – the descriptions of the same things, in the text, seem as if the author were seeing the picture and describing that – the descriptions remind me of the vividness you find in the Ghormenghast books, but not nearly as dark.

Posted on February 17th 2010 in Uncategorized

Book Review: Conrad’s Fate

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by Diana Wynne Jones.

This is a YA, one of the Chrestomanci books.

Having read so many DWJ books, upon finding out that Conrad is doomed to die within a year if he doesn’t kill someone that he was supposed to kill in his previous life, I said, “Who benefits?” and was consequently not surprised by anything further that happened in the book.

Which is not to say that I was not delighted.

This book covers Christopher Chant at age 15, but was written after the first four Chrestomanci books.  It’s a little odd seeing Christopher at that age, knowing the kind of person he grows up to be and knowing what he was like at a younger age, but it’s wonderful seeing Millie at that age, and how much she hated that boarding school she begged and begged to go to.

The plot goes on and on, and somehow you know that half of it could have been cut out an not really affected the ending, but I didn’t care.  It’s the characters, stupid :)

Posted on February 16th 2010 in Uncategorized

Book Review: The Nymphos of Rocky Flats

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by Mario Acevedo.

Yes, there are nymphos in this book.  No, this is not a porn book.  It’s a book about a…wait.  Let me just quote the first paragraph for you:  ”I don’t like what Operation Iraqi Freedom has done to me.  I went to the war a soldier.  I came back a vampire.”

If I could write first paragraphs like that, I would be making the big money.  Okay, not the big money; Stephen King makes the big money.  I’d be making the “doing this for a living” money.

Think think think…

Anyway, what this book is, is perfect.  For what it’s trying to pull off, it pulls it off perfectly.  Whether a light comedy about a vampire detective in Colorado floats your boat is a question for you to answer in your own heart.  If the answer is yes, then you may read this book.  If the answer is no, then you may not read this book, because you’ll say asinine things about how shallow this book is, and I’ll have to say something like, “Farce rhymes with arse and your brains are sure sparse.”

Nyaa.

Posted on February 15th 2010 in Uncategorized

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-02-14

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  • Blog: Restaurant Review: The Warehouse. http://foodie.deannaknippling.com/?p=2112 #
  • Ouch, bad query day. Received 4 rejections: 12/16. #
  • @MsAllieD And the day's not even over yet! in reply to MsAllieD #
  • @ianthealy Oddly, your discouraging news makes me feel better. Thank you :) in reply to ianthealy #
  • Blog: Chicken fail, sort of: Pan-roasted chicken w/ olives. http://foodie.deannaknippling.com/?p=2115 #
  • An evening of clearing out my inbox. The thrills! Open Office is SHIT for doing hyperlinks. Don't format the whole sentence! NOOO! #
  • Blog: Recipe: Red Thai Curry http://foodie.deannaknippling.com/?p=2117 #
  • @elizawhat I'm doing pretty well today. And you? in reply to elizawhat #
  • Alas, the knife class doesn't not contain any teaching of actual knife sharpening. Just julienning, etc. #
  • Jeez, I feel like the most boring person on the planet today. Maybe it's that everyone else is interesting today. #
  • The truffles are ordered. #
  • Wait. That deserves all caps. THE TRUFFLES ARE ORDERED111!!!111! #
  • Wait. I just cleaned my inbox yesterday. #
  • Chocolate Story plot has been fixed…I mean, improved. Last round of polishing, Chapters 5-8, coming up. #
  • I put the "Cousins" song on the soundtrack for the Chocolate Story. I don't think the cousins in the story would like the song. AT ALL. #
  • Blog: Recipe: Pear, bacon, and goat cheese sandwich. http://foodie.deannaknippling.com/?p=2122 #
  • All it takes is one website to crash the brag sheet. Stupid M$! #
  • All it takes are TWO websites to crash the brag sheet. Freakin' A, M$. #
  • @doycet Your Carrie Fisher link no workee. in reply to doycet #
  • Screw you, M$. #
  • You never really learn how to USE M$ Word, just how to force it to bend to your will. It's like summoning a @#$%^&* demon. #
  • I'm going to start putting that on my resume: Professional M$ Word Demonologist. #
  • @ianthealy Yeah. You should have seen what @#$%^&* Open Office did. THE ENTIRE SENTENCE IS NOT AUTOMATICALLY A LINK, ASSHOLES! in reply to ianthealy #
  • @senseihaynes Is anger against Microsoft an expression of Bill Gates's ego? Joke, joke… in reply to senseihaynes #
  • Blog: Magazine Review: Saveur, Jan/Feb 2010. http://foodie.deannaknippling.com/?p=2124 #
  • Here's to "not growing out of it." Huzzah! #
  • @ChuckWendig Oh, no. I'm so sorry. in reply to ChuckWendig #
  • Want the boots. @ianthealy "Miss, we're the Fashion Police, and those boots are a crime against all that is good and right in the world…" #
  • Blog: Recipe: Chicken Sriracha wrapped in lettuce http://foodie.deannaknippling.com/?p=2128 #
  • Blog: Recipe: Easy Blackberry Napoleon http://foodie.deannaknippling.com/?p=2126 #
  • Lee bought an ungodly amount of chocolate, unless it's Quetzacaotl. I'm tempted to make an altar just to show it off. #

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Posted on February 14th 2010 in Uncategorized

Book Review: Boneshaker

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by Cherie Priest.

Talk about the right book at the right time:  a steampunk adventure with zombies.  There will never be a better time for this book.  Never.  All she had to do was make sure she wrote the book well enough not to shoot herself in the foot.  And it’s Cherie Priest, so you know that isn’t going to happen.  (Or, if you don’t, you’ll turn around and read the Eden Moore series before you go any further.)

Hey.  It’s not Shakespeare (I said, praising her with faint damns).  But it’s solid and it’s good and I would toss this at anybody, whether they read SF/F or not.  It’s even about the mother of a fifteen-year-old boy, and I would give it to the fifteen-year-old boys without feeling embarrassed that they’d think I was a fuddy duddy.  I’d give it to my dad, who doesn’t read that much.  I’d give it to my mom, who generally looks askew at SF.

Quite fun.

Posted on February 14th 2010 in Uncategorized

Rachael goes to Physics Day at school (pix)

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We went to Physics Day at Ray’s school last Wednesday (I’m so lazy, I didn’t get the pictures downloaded until today).

Everyone at the Dirt Cake table.  What dirt cake has to do with physics, I’ll never know.

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What?  You don’t know the recipe?

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Here’s Ray outside the star demonstration balloon, which we saw together last year and Ray saw that morning.  Unfortunately, all the tickets were gone by the time we got there.  Here’s Ray, trying to look cute while she’s disappointed.

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She was less disappointed after she saw the first room.

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I promise that she never cackled…in my hearing.

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Say ah!

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Ah!

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This little girl was probably listening to me giggle.

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Magnets!  And TVs!

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Faster, faster, you fool, you fool!

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Ray’s death-defying trick.

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And no one will stop me…what?  Time to go?

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The experiments were run by Little Shop of Physics up at Colorado State University. There’s going to be a big open house on Feb 27th, and we may go.

Posted on February 14th 2010 in Uncategorized

Book Review: The Surrogates

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by Robert Venditti and Brett Weldele.

You know how people play MMORPGs too much?

What if the whole world were like that, people playing their lives via android?

Hm…there’s really only one way to go from there:  somebody decides it’s a bad idea and starts taking that away from other people, because, you know, it’s for their own good.  So there aren’t really any surprises when it comes to the overall plot.  Somebody’s wrecking surrogates, and the main character has to find out who.

However, the devil (or the genius) is in the details, and this is a graphic novel where the detail make the book, turning a lame over-plot into something worth reading.  It doesn’t hurt that the art is so good, either, although it’s not pretty.  This world where everyone is, by design, very attractive, is ugly and dingy and gray.  Okay, okay, hit me over the head, but I liked the art.

The in-jokes from MMOs (“I think I’d know if I were making love to someone who’s really a man” kind of thing) don’t hurt, either.

Posted on February 13th 2010 in Uncategorized

Book Review: The Circle (Wonder Woman)

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by Gail Simone, Terry Dodson, and Bernard Chang.

I’m not sure where in the timeline this belongs.

But I liked it:  The first part is a Greek tragedy, with the characters’ personalities so strong, so fully developed, so inevitable, that the end has its own dignity and grace.  The second part is funnier but less godlike; it’s hard to see that the two parts were even written by the same person (although drawn by two different sets of artists).

A quote from the writer, in the Introduction:  ”When you need to stop an asteroid, you get Superman  When you need to solve a mystery, you call in Batman.  But when you need to end a war, you get Wonder Woman.”

Just so.

Posted on February 12th 2010 in Uncategorized

Pikes Peak Writer’s Conference

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From April 23-25.

I don’t know much about writer’s conferences; I’ve only been to this one.  Nevertheless, I get the impression that good things are happening.

One, I’ve worn more off the edges of Am-I-Really-A-Writer panic at this conference (and getting ready for this conference) than anywhere else, except for actually selling stuff.  Shit yeah, I’m a writer.  I can pitch.  I can debate.  I can talk to big-name writers (except Jeffrey Deaver, who was just too damned monopolized by his Biggest Fans to get a word in edgewise, not that they noticed, with their big sparkly, puppy-dog eyes) without wigging out.  I can get up an read my stuff in front of other people; I can have it read out loud.  These things tie my stomach up in knots, but there you go.

Two, I’ve made friends there, from the kind you figure you’ll know for a while to the ones you know will cheer when you get published (rather than seethe with jealousy).  And it feels good when people ask you whether they should bother pitching to an agent that yes, it’s worth it, even if they don’t want to see your book.  (Don’t forget–they will be making money off you.  You have to interview them even more than they interview you.  What’s their track record?  What’s the last big thing they’ve sold?  How well do they negotiate foreign rights?  What do they think about e-books?  Are they giving you good vibes?  How do they handle themselves around other agents?  Are they more polite to other agents than they are to people who look up to them?)

Three, the workshops.  I’ve had so many AHA! moments that I won’t bother to detail them.  (The workshop list is finally up.)  The only addition I want is more talk about the business side of the house.  How to negotiate a contract.  Taxes.  How to figure out whether a project is worth it or not.  How to do freelance writing and not get screwed too often.  You never see too much of that.

Yeah, the food’s comically bad (but okay for general conference food).  Yeah, there will be at least one writer/agent/editor who bursts your idolatric bubble every year (no names).  Yeah, it sucks coming up with a decent pitch.  Yeah, people will argue about self-publishing until the cows come home, and it gets freakin’ old.  Yeah, it’s an embarrassingly large chunk of change to plop down if you don’t have a manuscript ready to pitch or someone to pitch to.

But when I hear people aren’t going, it just makes me sad.

Posted on February 11th 2010 in Uncategorized

Book Review: An Autumn War

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Book 3 of the Long Price Quartet, by Daniel Abraham.

Sometimes it’s good to have faith in people.

Take, for example, the third book in the Long Price Quartet.  This is a fantasy epic (ha ha, try to deny it) with a hero (ditto).  There’s lots of magic (actually, there’s not much magic, page by page, compared to other fantasy epics, but it so distorts the world that you can only say that it’s everwhere).  There’s lots of intrigue.  Even some romance.  Lots of death.

But I’ve read a lot of fantasy epics, so I was interested but not compelled to read the first two thirds of the book.

Ah, but this is book three of the series, and Daniel Abraham has pleasantly surprised (that is, horrified me and turned my stomach) me before, so I kept on.  I try to have faith in people.

Sure enough, by the end of the book, I was wandering around the house with half-spooked eyes, wondering whether I deserved my lot in life, my family, etc., and wondering how it was that the author managed to keep his sanity with ideas like that–with endings like that–running around in his head.  He comes across as so normal and personable.

OOooOOOOoooOOOOoo.

Posted on February 10th 2010 in Uncategorized

Review: Freelancer’s Survival Guide

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by Kristine Kathryn Rusch.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again:  anybody interested in making money freelancing (not just freelance writing) should read this guide, especially the Money and Negotiation sections.

She’s still updating it, so keep checking back for updates.

Her husband is Dean Wesley Smith, and he has good posts on “Killing the Sacred Cows of Publishing,” too.

Between the two of them, they’ve brought up some ideas I’ve had to chew on – the idea that the agent is your employee, not the other way around; the idea that you have to take responsibility for your own negotiations; the difference between making money and cash flow.  The comments are almost as informative as the posts; Laura Resnick, who will probably never have another agent in her life, makes a strong case for same.  The idea that the agent is a taste-monger who serves as a gateway for the editor–but who is generally neither an editor or a professional writer–is something I’ve been struggling with.

As much as I like some of the agents I’ve met and would want them on my side when it came to helping me hustle, some of them strike me as lazy, over-opinionated gas bags.  Sorry.  No names.  The idea that I need to hire an agent who loves my story and who will champion it for me–um, wait.  Why?  Why does an employee have to love what I do in order to negotiate the best deal for me, personally?  Is there some trick going on, where there are agents who don’t?  WHY?

And, throughout my so-far freelancing career, tentatively started in 2006, have I made $0 from on-spec work?  And an amount of money that I’m not ashamed of on work-for-hire?  Is my writing not good enough to be published?  It is good enough; it is published.  And I got paid for it in a professional manner, too, no bull-crap about being a dollar late and a day short.

What is wrong with this system?  Readers are buying stuff to read.  I’m selling stuff for them to read.  But the stuff I’m selling isn’t the stuff publishers are buying.  Publishers are having a meltdown over e-readers.  WHY?  Because it means cutting staff,  redesigning org charts, and finding new ways to make a profit…but isn’t that what they’re doing anyway?

I don’t think self-publishing is the way for me to go; it will leave me spending less time writing, which is what I do best.  But I don’t just want to be somebody’s content producer, either.  I’m finding ways to balance writing and business, but it isn’t in traditional publishing.  And is isn’t in self-publishing, either.

I guess this turned into more of a ramble than a book review–but as you can see, it’s making me really think, which you should take as a very high recommendation.

Posted on February 9th 2010 in Uncategorized

January Brust: Jhereg

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Late, late, later.

I’m working on a project to re-read all of Steven Brust’s Vlad books this year, to try to work out what’s going to happen next, or at least to understand some of the deeper currents I picked up from reading Iorich.  I’m reading them in publication order.  Don’t read these posts if you haven’t read the books.

Jhereg is the book where Vlad has to stop Mellar, a cross-breed, from destroying the Jhereg, Dragon, and Dzur Houses by stealing the Jhereg’s bankroll and hiding out at Castle Black.

The prologue is backstory including how Vlad watched his first Jhereg killing from his father’s restaurant and meets Kiera for the first time (Kiera wasn’t involved in the killing).  How Vlad got Loiosh in the jungles west of Adrilankha (there’s a flash-flash back about how Vlad never knew his mother, but his father would call her a “witch”).  Vlad mentions he was taught sorcery by a Sorceress from the Left Hand of the Jhereg.  How Vlad got into the Jhereg, over a fight at a card table, via Nielar and Kiera.  Loiosh hatching.  Nielar mentions Kragar has no problem working with humans.

Question:  Why does Kragar have no problem working with humans?  Why is he so loyal to Vlad, over the years?

Chapter 1.  Kragar mentions that Vlad’s built up one of the best spy rings in the Jhereg.  The Demon wants to meet Vlad at the Blue Flame (inside Vlad’s territory).  The Demon, true name unknown, under 800 years old. “No one heard of him before the Interregnum.”  Killed 2 of 3 on Jhereg council just afterward.  Kragar mentions taking out Leonyar last year.

C2.  The Demon makes an offer (desc of Demon is undescriptive).  Vlad mentions Mario as the top assassin.  Mellar, one of the council members, has taken 9 million in funds.  The Demon is convinced Mellar is in the East.

C3.  Vlad decides to use Daymar to find Mellar with a psychic link.  Mentions the nineteenth guy he killed was a sorcerer who liked to polish his staff.  Vlad doesn’t know whether he enjoys killing or not.

C4.  Vlad mentions his receptionist has killed three people and has been killed once.  Vlad is currently married to Cawti.  The first time Kiera’s been in Vlad’s office (openly?).  Kiera mentions Vlad fighting an Athyra wizard in his own castle.  Vlad knows Aliera.

C5.  Vlad meets Cawti in the “lab.”  Daymar to watch spell.  Cawti and Loiosh help with spell; Daymar almost takes them down.  Vlad is overwhelmed by images which may or may not be memories, including:  ”There is a cry of ‘charge’ and five thousand Dragons come storming at the place the Eastern army is entrenched.” “The Dzur hero, coming alone to Dzur mountain, sees Sethra Lavode stand up before him, Iceflame in her hand.”  ”A small girl-child with big brown eyes looks at me and smiles.”  ”Aliera stands up before the shadow of Kieron the Conquerer, there in the midst of the Halls of Judgement…”

C6.  Vlad mentions that Cawti didn’t ask him for his help a month ago.  Norathar has retired.  Mellar is at Castle Black.  Empire has existed between two and two and a half hundred thousand years.  House of Lyorn keeps records of other Houses’ records.  Desc of Dragon-Jhereg war, about 10K ago, involving e’Kieron line, which was almost wiped out.  Can’t assassinate in own home (Jhereg rule).  Dragon rule, don’t violate hospitality.

C7.  Castle Black.  Morrolan e’Drien in East, learning witchcraft.  Zerika.  ”After that, he was instrumental in driving back the Easterners, and he helped cure the plagues they left behind them as remembrances of their visit.”  Met Morrolan after they almost killed each other, first time they met.  Lady Teldra. Aliera desc:  short, levitate.  Gold hair.  Green eyes, but change colors.  Sethra desc:  ”Color her black for sorcery, color her gray for death.”  ”Morrolan carried Blackwand, which slew a thousand at the Wall of Barritt’s Tomb.  In a list of great weapons, Vlad doesn’t mention Spellbreaker.  Mellor had given Morrolan a book of Pre-Empire Sorcery.

C8.  ”The higher a House is, the more fate tends to favor it.”  Kragar kills an assassin.

C9.  ”This was the fourth time I had almost had my tale of years snipped at the buttocks.”  Aliera checks Vlad’s genetic background.  Vlad mentions Spellbreaker.  Mellar is a Dzur-Dragon-Jhereg crossbreed.  Aliera mentions Jenoine, and how they used Dragaerans and Easterners of genetic stock.  Houses formed after Empire formed by Kieron the Conquerer.  Jenoine may have bred in psionic ability into Easterners.  Dragaerans and Easterners can’t interbreed.  Jenoine rarely come to Dragaera; Sethra fought with and destroyed one only a few years ago (possibly during the first time Vlad met her).  Great Sea of Amorphia:  ”Boom!  We have a Great Sea of Amorphia, a few new gods, and no more Jenoine.”  Connection between Jenoine experiments and Pre-Empire Sorcery.  Adron is Aliera’s father.  Aliera:  ”Pre-Empire sorcery is not exactly direct manipulation of chaos; it’s one step removed.  Direct manipulation is something else again–and that’s what Adron was doing.  He had the ability to use, in fact, the ability to create amorphia.  If you combine that with the skills of pre-Empire sorcery…”  Morrolan can’t create it.  Only e’Kieron line can, although it is said Kieron never used it.

Originally about 30 tribes; many died off; 16 left.  Jhereg formed from outcasts under an ex-Dragon named Dolivar.  Kieron eventually killed by group of Lyorn warriors and Shamans who decided he was responsible for problems brought by Jhereg.  Sethra was there at the formation of the tribes; older than the Empire.  Aliera remembers through regression.  Dolivar had been Kieron’s brother before shaming himself, being tortured and expelled.  Aliera was sister.  ”Sethra was supposed to hamstring the yendi, but she missed–deliberatly.”  (A vague reference.)  Aliera was a Shaman.  Vlad is reincarnated Dolivar.  Kieron is still on the paths of the dead.

C10.  Kragar says he was relieved when kicked out of house of Dragon.  Cawti:  ”Really, Vlad, what’s the difference?”  Vlad visits Dzur Lord Keleth, who owes him money.  Vlad threatens to ruin Keleth’s reputation; he bends.  To join Dzur, must defeat 17 champions of the House.  Mellor, as Leareth, did; the only one Keleth had heard of since the Interregnum.  Two years, then gave up Dzur and joined Jhereg–made a fool of Dzur.  Kragar doesn’t know how he sneaks into rooms.  ”He hadn’t left the House of the Dragon on his own; he’d been expelled.”

C11.  ”…a dimly lit hallway in which Lady Teldra is framed, like the Guardian, that figure that stands motionless atop Deathgate Falls…”  Paintings:  one done by the Necromancer showing wounded dragon protecting its young.  One by a nameless Lyorn showing Kieron debating with Shamans, with broadsword.  Picture that fills entire ceiling of dining hall:  depiction of Third Siege of Dzur Mountain by Katana e’M'archala.    (I suspect Necromancer pic is assigned to her by mistake?)  Vlad exchanges a pleasant smile with the Necromancer.  Cold stare to Sorceress in Green.  Nods uncommittally to Sethra the Younger.  Fentor, a Tsalmoth, is missing. Pathfinder desc:  shorter and heavier than a rapier.  Black.  Glows green.  What are Great Weapons?  Morganti, made by Serioli, can destroy souls.  GW, legend says seventeen, can decide whether to take souls, are joined to soul of bearer.

C12.  Morrolan unrevivifiable, spell blocking, Aliera can’t break.  Aliera heals, then revivifies Fentor.  Use of Spellbreaker.  Vlad uses chaos.  ”Something like formless, colorless fire shoot from me…”  ”I suddenly felt myself drained of energy, of hate, of everything.  I saw her fall in upon herself and dissolve into a swirling mass of all the colors I could conceive of, and several that I couldn’t.”  Aliera turns chaos into BLUE stone.  Vlad mentions Verra.  Aliera has sorceress’s soul inside Pathfinder.  Vlad tortures sorceress:  ”Sometimes I truly loathe the things I do.”

C13.  Vlad mentions Barlen.  Necromancer:  ”The strange, perpetual half-smile on her face.  I’ve always liked her.  Some day I hope to understand her.  On the other hand, perhaps I’d better hope not to.”  Two Dragon-Jhereg wars.  Aliera:  ”Briefly, the Jhereg who was killed was the friend of the Dragonlord, and he was helping him out on something.  Someone found out what he was doing and put a stop to it.  The Dragons demanded that the assassin be turned over to them, and this time the Jhereg agreed.  …In any case, the assassin escaped from the Dragonlord’s home before he was killed.  …He killed himself later, but by then it was too late to stop anymore. …The Jhereg killed enough of the right Dragonlords, including some wizards, so that a certain one, who’d been planning a coup, found himself forced to move too soon, and to rely too heavily on magic…” (Adron.)  ”The assassin had reasons of his own to hate the Emporer and was working with father to find a way to poison the Emporer when things fell apart.  As you know, it was Mario who finally killed the Emporer, when he tried to use the Orb against the Jhereg.  Another Phoenix tried to grab the throne, and father had to move too quickly….”

It sounds like Mario wasn’t the assassin who eventually killed himself.  This really doesn’t jive with 500 Years After.  Unless he’s talking about Greycat, well, maybe.  But Greycat was a Lyorn.

C14.  What would Mario do?  Wouldn’t take a job with time constraints.  What would Cawti and Norathar do?  Spell on Mellar and make sure Morrolan never found out.  Vlad says, “break out the kilinara” – can’t find that anywhere.  Vlad’s father died after one of the plagues.  Vlad would have died of same plague if Grandfather hadn’t cured him.  About Mellor:  ”His father killed someone, another Jhereg, just before the Interregnum.  The Jhereg he killed was protected by a Dragonlord; to be exact, Lord Adron.   …Revenge for the way a cross-breed is treated and revenge for the death of his father.”

Who is Mellar’s father?

C16.  Aliera and Cawti friends, through Norathar.  Aliera instrumental in returning Norathar to House of Dragon.  Kiera and Aliera know each other.  Vlad doesn’t call for Sethra, even though she’s been involved throughout.

C17.  Rocza.

Epilogue. Morrolan seems to be able to communicate with Loiosh.   Morrolan jokes about Blackwand being his familiar.  Rocza really isn’t a second familiar.  Vlad and Kragar prevented information from coming out.  He avoids a straight answer of why.  Vlad talks about buying a castle; Cawti’s always wanted one.  ”I’m not really sure about this genetic inheritance through the soul.  I mean, sure, I felt something for it, but I also lived through what I lived through, and I guess that shaped me more than you’d think.  I am what I am, in addition to what I was.  Do you understand what I mean?”

So:

Who was the Jhereg who was working with Adron, that was Mellar/Feareth’s father?

Why is the first book about a cross-breed working to take down three Houses?  Would taking down the three Houses have killed the Empire?  Would it at least have made the cycle change from Zerika to Norathar (I seem to remember N quit the Jhereg at the same time she became heir).

Cawti and Vlad seem to be getting on together just fine; I didn’t see any mention of Cawti and justice,  other than the reference to a job a month before Jhereg.

The Jenoine are mentioned several times; the Dragaerans are connected to animals several times.

How much more of Kragar’s story is left to come out?  I may have to deal with that later.

On the one hand – genetics (of the soul?).  On the other hand – life experiences.  Is Vlad predetermined or not?  Is the Cycle something set or not?  The Cycle was created, indirectly, by the Jenoine, who liked to mess around with genetics, souls, and controlling chaos, but failed.  Should the Cycle be destroyed?  The Interregnum wasn’t anything to celebrate, but you see a lot of characters who changed their genetic destiny during that time, and who would not have gained their advantages without it.

More later…

Posted on February 8th 2010 in Uncategorized

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-02-07

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Posted on February 7th 2010 in Uncategorized

Picture catch-up.

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I have one more set of pictures on the camera.  These are two-week-old pictures.

Lee’s shop, embarrassingly (to him) messy and full of fascinating (to me) contrasts.
24 Jan 10 006

Ray in the liberry.
24 Jan 10 008

KK at 12th night. I did something screwy to the settings and ruined most of the pictures. I liked the way the dots on Kaylee’s dress seem to spiral inward.
24 Jan 10 013

Shoes.
24 Jan 10 048

The birthday princess, our beautiful neighbor Sole.
24 Jan 10 051

The exercise: Take a “minimalist” picture.
24 Jan 10 055

The Bug wants to go driving in the trees. See?
24 Jan 10 061

The gorgeous door behind Blue Star.
24 Jan 10 074

Posted on February 7th 2010 in Uncategorized

Game Review: Valley of the Pharoahs

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Can’t take it…must blog…no time…

Wow.  Not linking to Amazon is sometimes a pain in the ass.  Anyway, a link to the game is here.

Ray got Valley of the Pharaohs from Dave and Margie and Katherine for Christmas this year, and we finally sat down and played the game recently.

It’s a delightful exercise in deliberately screwing people over, for 2-6 players and from 8 on up, in a coolio box, with genuine die-cast camels and mummy.  The cloth “board” makes it a little hard to play on the carpet but is otherwise fun to play on.

The general idea is, you’re an archaeologist in the late 1800s; you take your camel and go racing after one of three random scarabs that make up your key to the staff of Amun Ra, while avoiding both other players and the dreaded mummy.  Once you have the staff, you get it back to Alexandria double-quick before someone else takes it away from you.  Meanwhile, you’re sabotaging other players and desperately trying to scrape together the resources to dig up the scarabs.  In fact, sometimes the only way to get the money is to sabotage the other players.

Ray and I played a couple of games one day, then dragged Lee in to play a day or two after that.  Ray and I both took one of the early games; Lee took the last one, because Ray was so intent on getting revenge for things I’d done in the previous game that she didn’t notice that Lee had the staff and was on the home stretch.  I, of course, was broke.  I’ll get her next time, don’t you worry.


Posted on February 4th 2010 in Uncategorized

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-01-31

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  • @DaphneUn Yeah, but that only makes, erm, 6 2/3 pictures per day. in reply to DaphneUn #
  • @BarelyKnit fierily http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/fierily in reply to BarelyKnit #
  • @BarelyKnit It was quite the adventure in spelling, fierily was. in reply to BarelyKnit #
  • God, I love rewrites now. Who knew that so-and-so was a never-you-mind? #
  • I will do other stuff after rewrites today. Ta! #
  • Choc story rewrite 2, 1/8: "Chocolate," Imogen said, a little defensively. "It's worth more on the black market than you might think." #
  • @amoir Heheheh. Comes in tails. in reply to amoir #
  • @BarelyKnit I like the tumblr background. in reply to BarelyKnit #
  • @elizawhat I like that, "A recipe for batshit soup." I'd say my day felt like that, but I really have no basis of comparison. in reply to elizawhat #
  • Hey @dabeak: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1e0u11rgd9Q&feature=PlayList&p=E8926E3E68FF9FE3&index=5&playnext=2&playnext_from=PL #
  • Part 2/8 Choco story done. "Imogen's ghost snorted. 'Come to pray over my son, you hag? Might as well pray in binary.'" #
  • Night off for Carrie Newcomer concert. #
  • Beautiful Carrie Newcomer concert, but I've heard the patter before! The only downside to going to a folksinger's concerts year after year. #
  • Editing! Other things will happen later. #
  • 3/8 done on Choco Story. "Do you know where my quarters are?” “Zady was supposed to show you,” he said. “I pissed her off,” Aoife said. #
  • Weird Al mixes like a primate, yo! RT @alyankovic http://twitpic.com/10df4g – Mixing Day #
  • Editing. Stop distracting me! #
  • Part 4/8 of Choco done. Ian said, "You said you wanted more data. I figured it'd be fun." #
  • Going to double back and read it outloud up to this point now; I think I've lost Aoife's characteristic phrasing in the rush of action. #
  • @ianthealy Too late! Short chapter. in reply to ianthealy #
  • Jager and a jelly it is then! RT @copyblogger Gimme a bottle of anything, and a glazed donut… to go! #
  • This is not your child! #
  • Good morning! Time to edit! No sleep till Brooklyn! #
  • I'm doing much less rewriting and much more thinking this time around. A sign of progress? #
  • OMG. Ray needs new karate pants already. #
  • Sometimes we are the windshield, sometimes we are the bug. Sometimes it all comes together baby, sometimes you're a fool in love. #
  • Done: 5/8 of Choco story. "No harm done? We could have died!" "Oh, like I haven't heard that one before." #
  • @Three_Star_Dave They seem to be traditional gis – but they went from highwater pants to shorter than Revenge of the Nerds. in reply to Three_Star_Dave #
  • Overwhelmed. My blogging is going to be very light next week. #

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Posted on January 31st 2010 in Uncategorized

Game Review: Machinarium

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by Amanita Design.

Ray and I finished Machinarium this week.

WHOAH.  I feel like we really accomplished something.  And neither one of us could have done it without the other.  We make a good team.

Click on the link, play the demo.

Anyway, the game is about a robot who wakes up in a trash heap, knowing only that he has to save his lady-robot love.  The game is set up in screens, with a number of puzzles to be solved before you can move the character to the next screen.  There is no language in the game, no explanations, only a bubble with a light bulb that shows up occasionally to provide a nod toward the general direction you’re supposed to discover.

The art is beautiful (click the link) the interface intuitive, and the story simple but powerful.

And no words!

Ray and I cheered when we finished.

Posted on January 30th 2010 in Uncategorized

Book Review: Hammered

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by Elizabeth Bear.

Well, I can’t say this was the greatest thing since sliced bread, but I liked Hammered quite a bit.

Does this book count as military SF?  It’s about a woman who’s been used and screwed by a military black ops division in Canada.  They now want her back, because the particular hell they put her through has more than aptly prepared her to be used and screwed for their new project.  I could go into more details of the miserable things that have gone on through the main character’s life, but it’d sound like the world’s best SF blues song (except for Miles Vorkosigan, of course), and I can’t sing the blues.

Fantastically realized characters.  There are no saints in this book (which makes me think of Fullmetal Alchemist more than anything else), and the plots within plots are delicious.  The writing is straightforward, really straightforward, not just “so-so writing” but stripped down and efficient.  The pace is fast, the choices painful, and the brief moments of happiness shining like angels in the heavens.

I’ll definitely pick up the rest of the series, at least.

Posted on January 29th 2010 in Uncategorized

Book Review: Ai Yori Aoishi, Books 1-4.

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by Kou Fumizuki.

Wow.  I started reading these books expecting to just love this series.

Ugh.  No like.

Imagine Ah! My Goddess or Fruits Basket with bland, flat, stock characters who act in bland, flat, stock-character ways, and you’ve got this series in a nutshell.

The “perfect woman” (that is, 100% docile and 100% loyal) tracks down this guy to whom she was pledged to be married when she was a child.  The guy has abandoned his family, however, and is no longer worthy for this upper-class woman.  He’s nice to her without either one of them recognizing each other, then they recognize each other.  Hijinks ensue!  With lots of boobs!

Am I the only person who can see the main characters are going to make each other miserable for the rest of their lives?  The “perfect woman” automatically assumes the worst, goes apeshit mentally, and pretends everything is okay.  The guy can’t even phone home when he’s going to be late, and “accidentally” gets into these compromising situations, which the girl has to just accept.

Dude.  Just because she’s cute, has great tits, and thinks she’s in love with you and will do whatever you say for the rest of your life, doesn’t mean she’s the one for you! Get a life!  She will wake up and realize you’re a shallow asshole at some point, or worse, she won’t!

Grumble grumble grumble…

Posted on January 28th 2010 in Uncategorized

Book Review: Vellum: The Book of All Hours

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by Hal Duncan.

I wanted to like this book, but I didn’t.

No, I liked it enough to finish it – almost more to see whether the ending would work than to find out what happened, which was that there was going to have to be a sequel.

It looks like a lot of people liked it unabashedly, which confuses me.

The book is “about” a guy who’s looking for a book, called the Book of All Hours, which may or may not contain the actual Word of God.  However, it turns out this book is just a doorway for the real story, which is that our world is just one fold in a multiverse parchment call the Vellum, which is the entirety of creation.  You follow various versions of the characters through various nonlinear timelines, learning the angels and demons are at it again, and more pissed off at the independent agents than each other.

One, it’s disorienting, and it’s me saying this, having truly enjoyed James Joyce’s Ulysses.

Two, it’s bland.  You don’t spend more than a few pages with a character before he’s killed off and you shift to another multiverse.

Three, it’s all been done before.  What?  You’re expecting me not to have read Neal Stephenson’s Snow Crash?  Or Roger Zelazny’s Amber series?  Or Umberto Eco’s Foucalt’s Pendulum?  Or Robert Shea and Robert Anton Wilson’s and  Illuminatus! Trilogy?  How about not having read John Crowley’s Little, Big?  Okay, granted, most people haven’t read all those, but I have, and I can see that Vellum is a mishmash of the good parts of those books, with little plot an no characters.  Also, Neil Gaiman’s Neverwhere has better thugs.  By far.

Posted on January 27th 2010 in Uncategorized

Book Review: House of Many Ways

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by Diana Wynne Jones.

This is another fantastic YA by DWJ about a girl who has done nothing but read books her entire life and has become thoroughly useless.  My mother may find this singularly appropriate; however, it’s the mother’s fault for forcing this uselessness (as a pretense to “respectability”), so watch it.

The girl, Charmain, has to watch her uncle’s house while her uncle undergoes magical treatment to cure a mysterious disease.  Meanwhile, the uncle, who is a wizard, and thus (to Charmain’s mother’s mind) disrespectable, has left his magical house in a shambles.  Charmain, the wizard’s brand-spanking-new apprentice, and the wizard’s adopted stray dog get dragged into the effort by Sophie (secretly accompanied by Howl) to save the kingdom.  She learns how to work magic, do the laundry, and save the kingdom.  Huzzah!

SPOILER:

Howl shows up in this one as a spoiled, lithping brat named Twinkle, which is worth the price of admission right there.  I heard this on audiobook, read by Jenny Sterlin, while at work and had to repress laughter to prevent people from asking what I was laughing about, and thus, interrupt the story.

Posted on January 26th 2010 in Uncategorized

Book Review: Fullmetal Alchemist 22

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All the plots and betrayals are starting to come to fruition.  We’re in the endgame of an international fictional chess game, with perfectly defined pieces.  For as much as is going on in this series, it’s impressive that it hasn’t jumped the shark or started repeating itself, pretending to be ever more impressive.  FMA is some of the best plotting and character writing I’ve seen, bar none.  And even the most frantic of fight scenes remains clearly rendered, moves the plot along, and true to character.

Me<—-Jealous.

A note:  Edward doesn’t seem to be getting any taller.  Maybe it’s just me.

Posted on January 25th 2010 in Uncategorized

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-01-24

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  • Good news – big work project is done! Bad news – Rejections 7/11. #
  • Also, Machinarium still kicking our butts. However, we did collaboratively solve several nassssty puzzles. #
  • Hey @ianthealy – Since I started reading your hockey story, I've been looking at the fans with a little less pure ?!?!? #
  • @davisac1 Okay, I give. What does "THIMK" even mean?!? in reply to davisac1 #
  • @Three_Star_Dave Re: Iorich – what? You're not enthralled by the emerging patterns? Like Penn'n'Teller doing the same trick, slower. Now? in reply to Three_Star_Dave #
  • @davisac1 HA! Here I was trying to figure out acronyms. in reply to davisac1 #
  • Interesting. Nobody really knows where the phrase "going all pear-shaped" comes from. #
  • @Ianthealy Done reading Blood on the Ice. Will send comments in a day or two. In short – beginning is meh, liked middle, liked end… #
  • @ianthealy But if you srsly think you can pull off the narrator, can we at least have a cameo of the guy with a broken leg? #
  • @ianthealy – In short, a good farce, needs work on getting it moving and setting up chars. #
  • Too early. #
  • @elizawhat January is the correct month for Mind Cleaning. Here. Have a brillo pad. in reply to elizawhat #
  • @bookoven If, at any point, you find yourself on the opposite team from the librarians, you're screwed. in reply to bookoven #
  • @Dabeak Were's the "quoting the opening from Quantum Leap" quote from? in reply to Dabeak #
  • @bookoven Re: single device. It might. It just won't do it the way they want it to. in reply to bookoven #
  • @bookoven What if the "expensive addition" to an e-book makes it more game-like? in reply to bookoven #
  • Alien Blue rejection: 8/11. #
  • 18th Cent Gothic Zombie Funny Horror, with Ron Pearlman. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0902290/ "I Sell the Dead" OOOooOOOOoo. #
  • It might just be my personal Repo: the Genetic Opera for the year. !!! #
  • @DaphneUn So I read Maureen's article…via the NYT, who wants to charge for content. in reply to DaphneUn #
  • Why do I feel hung over if I haven't been drinking? Ugh. #
  • @copyblogger "This is not my beautiful house! This is not my beautiful wife!" in reply to copyblogger #
  • @profitsee Well I had a GREAT time tonight, so I'll consider it even. in reply to profitsee #
  • @DaphneUn Journalism is in interesting times, like a canary down a mine shaft I think. in reply to DaphneUn #
  • Sweeney Todd @FAC=The Shite. Perfect theater, amazing set, great cast, fritzy sound system (which they didn't need), lights on actors much? #
  • @elizawhat Aren't you supposed to kill off your characters just because they needed killin'? in reply to elizawhat #
  • @elizawhat Website: both classy and friendly. in reply to elizawhat #
  • Earworm: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3nemUkG1_AE Me and my cousin, and you and your cousins, it's a line that's always running… #
  • @DaphneUn Re: #/photos. A shutterbug I know came back from AK cruise with over 5K pictures. You're fine. Or was it 8K? in reply to DaphneUn #
  • @Three_Star_Dave Ah, I hope you feel better. Poor cookie dad! in reply to Three_Star_Dave #
  • Okay, the Chocolate Story is moving away from a working title and toward "Cargo of the Gods." #
  • Or maybe "Aoife and the Cargo of the Gods." Brainstorming. #
  • Logline: Kidnapped researcher uses science, subterfuge, and chocolate to discover why her murdered cousin has come back to haunt her. #
  • Ooh, that should be loyal, not kidnapped. #
  • Loyal researcher uses science, subterfuge, and chocolate to discover why her murdered cousin has come back to haunt her. #
  • @ianthealy WHAT makes more sense? in reply to ianthealy #
  • @ianthealy The logline, I hope. in reply to ianthealy #
  • @ianthealy Aoife's character note is her loyalty vs. her pride. She's so brilliant that things should just fall into her lap, she thinks. in reply to ianthealy #
  • I think I'm going to have to re-outline both inner and outer journeys. All the pieces are there, but the reasoning is thin. #
  • @ianthealy Ee-fa, just like in Wally. in reply to ianthealy #

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Posted on January 24th 2010 in Uncategorized

Book Review: Nightmares and Fairy Tales Volume 3, 1140 Rue Royale

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by Serena Valentino and Crab Scrambly.

Serena Valentino is the writer of Gloom Cookie (drawn by Ted Naifeh).

I don’t know.  I wanted to be happier with this graphic novel than I was.  I like the art, I generally like the writer.  But the book just wasn’t scary enough, and the plot twist just didn’t pay off.

The story starts out with an aunt returning to a home in New Orleans just before (I think) the turn of the century.  She’s bringing her niece with her.  So far, so good.  As the aunt gives the address to a cab driver, we find out the house is haunted and was the site of a horrible massacre involving slaves.

Ghost proceed to haunt the aunt but leave the niece alone.  The aunt turns to the women at the convent who raised her to provide help.  The ghosts finally start appearing to the niece, warning her not to trust the nuns.

I’m not sure why I didn’t find this story compelling.  Too straightforward?  Lots of conflict, not enough drama (that is, heart-rending choices)?  Too many mysteries revealed, too soon?  Foreshadowing so heavy that the twist didn’t really come as a surprise?  No sense that horrible things would continue to happen, even after the events of the story?

I don’t know.  I should have liked it, and I didn’t.

Ray read it, too.  Her review:  ”Not very scary.”

Posted on January 24th 2010 in Uncategorized

Sweeney Todd at the FAC

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I didn’t expect the FAC to have such a sweet theater.  Allow me to gush:  it’s the perfect size.  Not so flat that they’re tempted to rely on tricks like doing theater in the round (annoying), not so small that they can’t sell enough tickets to pay for professionals.  Not so big that you can’t see.

I went with Ann and Larry and Doug and Lauren; Ann had managed to snag us front-row seats, the minx.

I haven’t seen Sweeney Todd before, either as a play or as the movie; somehow, the movie just never appealed.  I saw a trailer and said, “Nah.”  Now I know that Tim Burton was not the guy to direct Sweeney Todd.  Not everything is meant to be goth.  Like the Marilyn Manson version of “Sweet Dreams.”  The Eurhythmics version is ironic, because it’s this song about the dirty ways of the world sung by someone with the voice of an angel:  the opposite of what you expect – thus – ironic. Marilyn Manson is just singing a song.  If there’s any irony, it’s that Marilyn Manson doesn’t seem to get that he’s a hell of a lot less cosmopolitan than Annie Lennox.

As far as I can tell, the director (Alan Osburn, who also played Sweeney Todd, I see), teased out so much irony an Eighties hair band would be jealous.

The set was versatile and impressive without being overly clever, that is, without getting in the way of the play.  I was happy with the way the same grungy, brick-heavy decor was used for all the characters, from high to low.  (Even the set brought out irony.)

The lighting and sound equipment had issues; as Ann noted, either the actors couldn’t hit their marks or the lights were off.  The sound system started going on the fritz toward the end of the first act.  Good!  I wish they’d just turned it off.  If the actors couldn’t have projected to fill that theater, they shouldn’t have been acting professionally on stage.  The echoes from the sound system made some of the lines/lyrics sound garbled.

The actors.

Mrs. Lovett was the star of the show, coming across as Eddie Izzard in ginger curls.  Toby was a close second, even though he sounded like Spongebob Squarepants (I am not sure that wasn’t intentional).  Poor Mr. T was a distant third, struggling to handle the low range at times, but of an eloquent normality that made the rest of the show fall into place:  Sweeney Todd was just some guy, you know?  The ingenues were ingenues.  The beggar woman was also especially good.  No shame at all, that woman.

With most black comedies about the way of the world, the end of the story leaves you exhausted, depressed, and swearing never to cross paths with the story again (Boogie Nights, Dangerous Liaisons).  Not so here.  This is built more like a Shakespearean tragedy, with the inevitable and shocking coming to a gleeful climax.

I really need to track down the version with Angela Lansbury.

Posted on January 24th 2010 in Uncategorized

The Week in Pictures

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I’ve been messing around with settings – here’s use of a higher ISO setting with no flash.  The graininess comes from the setting.

16 Jan 10 002

Here’s messing around with the camera’s pitiful macro setting.

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Microplane!

A picture for Ray – Tiger LPS in conquest of lasagna.

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And Tiger LPS explores the world of Mouse Guard.

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Ray’s foot with the abominable snow monster.

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And, for the grand finale, may I present Miss Rachael?

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Posted on January 23rd 2010 in Uncategorized

Book Review: Mouse Guard Volume 2, Winter 1152

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by David Peterson.

Have I mentioned lately that I am in love with characters that show perseverance?  ’Cos I am.

Mouseguard is about a group of mice working as guardsmen for the mouse town, Lockhaven.  The mice, while living lives the length of normal humans (I think) live in a world where everything is bigger than they are, there’s very little technology (about Dark Ages/the cusp of a maker-type renaissance), and they taste good.  Nevertheless, they survive.

The characters are more fully realized than most literary novels.  The drawing is fantastic, just fantastic, about a million miles away from the garish, brutal, oversexed stuff of superheroes.  And…cute?  Yes, I’d have to say that from time to time, I have to go, “Oooh, the little mousie is so cuuuuute.”    Not childlike, but realistic – and mice are cute.

Volume 1 was about introducing characters in their everyday world, then disrupting the world – a good tactic for a book named Fall.  Winter is about the aftermath of the plot twists from Fall. The characters are out of food, supplies, and medicine, and begging around the area to get more.  Mysteries abound – but don’t come to fruition.  Which is good for a book called Winter.  I get the sense that the next volume, Black Axe, is going to develop the mysteries further – but not quite move into Spring.

OoooOOOooo.

Posted on January 22nd 2010 in Uncategorized

Book Review: The Tale of Murasaki

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by Liza Dalby.

This is one of the finest books I’ve read in years.  My tastes don’t run toward the literary and fine, but this was worth stepping out of the genres to read.

It’s the “discovered” story of the author of The Tale of Genji, that is, the world’s first novel (debatable, but pretty close either way).  The woman, Murasaki Shikibu (a nickname; she ended up named after one of her own characters from Genji) left her diary to her daughter; the daughter published the diary years after her mother’s death.

The Tale of Murasaki is an episodic, literary exploration of living in 10-11th century Japan.  Hm…how do I explain it?  It rings true about what it feels like to be a writer, both as the unknown girl whose father is worried that she’ll embarrass him and as the writer of the Empress’s favorite stories.  Mood swings; isolation; falling in love with all the wrong people; figuring out the difference between what people want to read and what rings true.  And, most remarkably, putting poetry in such a context as to both make them make sense and be vital to the plot.

Quickly I peeled off the wet Chinese clothing and hit it. My skin was hot but my hair retained the cold from outside. At one point my cap had fallen off and Ming-gwok took my loose hair into his slender white fingers and buried his face in it. He said someday he would send me some of the Chinese perfumed oil his mother used. I lay down under my pile of padded robes, but left my cold hair outside the quilts, spread in tangled disarray. My dreams were tumbled in disarray as well.

A thousand strands of black hair, tangled hair – like them my thoughts, tangling and entangled.

Time and time again, I kept making comparison to sending someone elegant tweets on Twitter.  People would just dash off a quick poem, send it off by messenger, and receive a reply within (sometimes) minutes.  There are only so many new ideas, you know.

In the end, Murasaki is tired of writing Genji stories (a lifetime) and wants to leave the court and become an ascetic (although not a nun).  She manages to kill off Genji, but is then trapped into writing about his sons (just as she is cornered into staying at court).  Eventually, she finds a way out, a satisfyingly literary one.  The story of a woman who tastes success, gains respect, and finds the things she loves are the things she has lost or thrown away.  I liked it.  A good story for a season full of cold and depression.

Posted on January 21st 2010 in Uncategorized

Book Review: Iorich

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by Stephen Brust.

Stuff is starting to fall into place.  If you’re a Stephen Brust fan, you should read this book.

And maybe that’s all I need to say.

For anybody who doesn’t know who Stephen Brust is or what he writes, he writes high fantasy that might be SF, if you look at it in a different light.  The main character in the Vlad books, Vlad Taltos, is a human assassin working for the “official” criminal organization on his planet, killing millenia-old Elves (Dragaerans) and runnning his own territory.  Vlad’s a smartass; he’s very clever.  Things proceed to get a lot deeper than criminal intrigue, though.

Why should you read Stephen Brust?  For the same reason you should treat yourself to a meal made my a master chef in disguise, working at a diner, making food that is almost, but not quite familiar.

A note – the books vary in tone and don’t follow a straightforward timeline; one book might be set years before or after another.

(There’s another series of high fantasy books based on Alexandre Dumas’s Three Musketeers books; they start about 1000 years before the main books, but follow a Dragaeran character who continues through to the main series.)

Anyway, I figured out my reading project for this year – I’m going to read the Vlad books in publication order and try to figure out where this is all going.

Posted on January 20th 2010 in Uncategorized

Book Review: How to Photograph Absolutely Everything

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by Tom Ang.

I’m at the point with digital photography that I have two concerns:  how to make the camera do something even remotely resembling what I want, and what, exactly, am I looking for when it comes to good pictures.

I read one of the Dummies books on digital photography and learned a lot about the technical details of operating a camera.  (Except for f-stop.  Why can’t anybody explain f-stop worth a damn?) But I hated the pictures, and I hated the advice on how to take pictures.

The Tom Ang book doesn’t rate so high on the technical details aspect.  But I love the pictures.

Why would you want to be able to do X with your camera?

Here are some examples.

Why does the POV matter?  Because if you take the picture of the statue from below, it looks like the saint is looking up toward heaven.

Why do you want to be able to adjust for low light levels and mess with exposure levels?  To take pictures of stained-glass windows.

Why do you want to adjust your ISO setting?  So you can take sharp pictures of dancers in a dark hall.

Each example is accompanied by a sidebar with the camera settings.

Unlike the Dummies book, this one made me want to go out and take pictures.  I can’t think of higher praise.

Posted on January 19th 2010 in Uncategorized

Twelfth Night.

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We went over to Dave and Margie’s for Twelfth Night on Saturday – not exactly the twelfth night after Christmas, but not March, either.

Mary, Jackie, Stan, Doyce, Kate, and Randy were all over, too.  Margie did something I’ve never heard of before – as each guest came through the door, they had to take a slip of paper with a number and an appetizer on it, which they then had to prepare.

I think the theory behind this was to make sure Margie stayed off her foot and ankle, which she broke in December.  It helped…some.  But it was interesting.  Why Randy got stuck making the dumplings, I’ll never know.

It was glog night.  I think I’m going to make the tentative observation that warm liquor is my Waterloo, or at least my tequila.  I don’t regret my inappropriate actions, but I won’t chortle over them here.

A foodie note – mixing kona coffee (with its smoky undertaste) and Scotch cancels out the smokiness of both.  Stick with whiskey.

I miss you all  already.

Posted on January 18th 2010 in Uncategorized

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-01-17

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  • Watch me bounce off the walls. "What do you think about Choose Your Own Adventure Books?" [Insert evil laugh here.] #
  • @elizawhat Your high school boy-on-boy plot sounds like MANGA! #
  • Semantic Saturation – a repeated word losing meaning. RT @BarelyKnit http://tumblr.com/xcq5i9mi8 #
  • @bookoven Re: book soul mates. That's like having a library filled only with previously-read books. in reply to bookoven #
  • @bookoven Hm…which might be a good ending to that story, actually. Okay. #
  • @scalzi Me: A cat. Choose: FURBALL! in reply to scalzi #
  • Woke up thinking of bad puns. #
  • Ugh…need nap. #
  • @Daphneun Check out Woot – tripod flashlight on a keychain. Huh. I wonder if it's bright enough to be useful. #
  • @Daphneun Also, the blurb is a nice Twilight parody. #

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Posted on January 17th 2010 in Uncategorized

We’ll always have Facebook

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I went to my good-bye party for my old group at work, a month and a half after I actually left.  I guess I was kind of lucky; if we’d had it any earlier, the people I’d been working with the most wouldn’t have been able to go, and I would have been too broken up about it to be much fun.

I had a good time, even though I kept thinking, “Is this the last time I’ll get to joke around with so-and-so or so-and-so?”

It was kind of like graduating from college.  New job learning new things for more money – and leaving behind the people who have gone though so much with you.

Oh well.  We’ll always have Facebook.

Posted on January 17th 2010 in Uncategorized

Book Review: Yotsuba&! 7

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by Kiyohiko Azuma.

This is a graphic novel about a little girl named Yotsuba who has green hair ponytailed into a four-leaf clover style.

What can I say?  All of this series runs about the same, that is, brilliant.  This is the series that reminds me of Ray when she was younger.

In this volume, Yotsuba (who I estimate to be about four, although she claims to be six at one point) learns how to use string/cup telephones (and learns how to be an e-mail, complete with attachment and emoticon), calls her grandmother, gets sick, bakes a cake, goes shopping for her dad, and goes to a ranch.

Exciting, right?

I left this volume lying around, and Ray picked it up.  She squealed with laughter.

Just so.

Posted on January 16th 2010 in Uncategorized

Pikes Peak Writers Jan Write Brain

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Welcome to the PPW January Write Brain, in which you will speed-date your most precious ideas to the audience!  You have 30 seconds to pitch your story!  And then an audience of thousands of jeering skeptics will mock your ideas by rating them on a scale of one to five, with one being absolute sucktitude and five being an unattainable goal!

YAAAAY!

Actually, it was pretty fun.  Trai Cartwright, a former Hollywood insider posing as a MFA candidate, did a great job on walking us through pitching our ideas, that is, she gave us a few base rules and let us have at it.

Here are the rules:

[Crickets chirping]

Right.  Get up there and tell us about your idea, your name, what it is (short story, screenplay, etc.), and the idea.

Some of the ideas were finished products; some of them were ideas brainstormed while staring vaguely at Ms. Cartwright and pretending to listen.  You know:  smile, nod, jot jot jot, smile, nod.

You know how hard it is to practice pitching to an agent?  (If you’ve ever gone to an April Write Brain before the PPW Conference, you know what I mean.)  Idea “speed dating” is the opposite of that.  You stand up, give a 30-second pitch, listen to what other people have to say, and then babble a bit about an answer.  Maybe it works so well because nobody expects a “I’ll be your rock-star agent” or “Get away from me, you freak” kind of decision.

After the first couple of pitches, I felt like I had the hang of it and started throwing in ideas and asking questions.  I don’t know – maybe some people were miserable getting their ideas tried out, but it didn’t look like it.  From what I saw, every person willing to stand up and get bugged by the audience came away with at least some kind of insight, whether from the comments or otherwise.  And every writer who stood up had an idea that I’d read (or watch).

I got up near the end and threw out my Chocolate Story idea.  Everybody got the wrong idea about it – no, the main characters don’t fall in love.  (It would totally spoil the twist at the end.)  But I realized that I was thinking of the story in the wrong way, because the story I was describing isn’t the story I’m writing.  Then I pitched the idea for a short horror story I’ve been kicking around for six months, and the audience listened, said, “You have great characters, now you just need a plot” and proceeded to supply one.  I kind of like the plot, kind of not, but it’s getting me started on how to approach the story.

This whole talking about my ideas to see how they go over thing…I think I like it.

Posted on January 13th 2010 in Uncategorized

Ray’s first Fox in Sox Read Along

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I’ve been reading Fox in Sox to Rachael since she was a baby.  I’ve been getting pretty good at it, too, as in being able to just make it through the damned thing without stumbling.  I’ve even been working on speed.

The trick, I’ve found, is to not think of the words as words at all, but as syl-a-bles.  To read in more of a monotone.  To not look at the pictures.

Today, Ray read through Fox in Sox with me.

She laughed at herself so hard I started to stumble over the words because I was laughing too hard, too.  For a while she kept saying the same word over and over again, and I had to laugh whenever I caught her at it.

I don’t think I’ve ever had so much fun reading Fox in Sox.

Posted on January 11th 2010 in Uncategorized

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-01-10

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Posted on January 10th 2010 in Uncategorized

Writerly Ramble: A New Format

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Okay, I’m finally to the point where I’m actually thinking about getting a cell phone.  I had intended to pick up a Droid phone right after Christmas, but after doing more research, I’m changing my plan.  I may have to wait a little longer.

Here’s what I want, a solo gadget that will do the following:

  • Let me call people.
  • Let me do the whole social-networking thing, including e-mail.
  • Let me research in real-time.
  • Let me jot down notes, wiki-wiki.
  • Let me retrieve notes even faster.
  • Let me compose and edit. I’ll bend on formatting; I don’t really need to build Tables of Contents while I’m out and about.
  • Let me read books.
  • Let me listen to music and other audio stuff.
  • Let me take reasonable (web-quality) snapshots.
  • Let me record reasonable (podcast-quality) audio.
  • Work everywhere, when I want it.
  • Have an amazing battery life.
  • Connect to my home and car systems in a heartbeat, no questions asked.
  • Not be a pain in the ass to use.
  • Not lock me in place.  I want hacks.
  • Waterproof, because what’s a book reader that you can’t take in the kitchen or bathtub?
  • Doesn’t cost an arm and a leg.
  • Doesn’t actually go into my brain.

Well? Why not?

I’m going to pretend this thing already exists, and that a lot of people are as excited about it as I am.  I’m sure, when it does exist, a lot of people will be excited.  Again.  Why not?

So.  Here’s the question.  What do I want to write for the damned thing?

Look me in the eye and tell me that e-books aren’t lame, that they’re an Exciting New Idea.

See?  You can’t do it.  IT’S THE SAME THING AS A BOOK.  Only not as good.  You know what’s so great about books?  They are, and always have been, a status item.  It takes a ton more skill to read and understand a book than it does to watch a show or a movie (although, admittedly, it takes a great deal of skill  to really appreciate either).  I quit watching live TV years ago (not because I was above it, but because I got sucked in, hours and hours later), and whenever I tell people that, they’re always a little impressed.  “I read books,” I say, and I’m part of an imaginary elite.  Now, among people who read books (and around the people who love them), we know that it’s more of an addiction than it is something that marks us as superior, but most people don’t know that.

You know what else most people don’t know?  That they can do more than read news, talk to people they already know, or go shopping on the Internet.

I can’t tell you how aghast I am when I tell people about BoingBoing and they say, “What?”

No, really.  Most people.  In real life.  Most people haven’t grasped the medium.  They know how to do things on the Internet, but they don’t have the Internet in their brains, as it were.  I mean, blank looks when I run their shitty political e-mails through Snopes and tell them that not only were they wrong, but they were wrong six years ago, from a different country.  IMDB?  What’s that?  Look, honey, I just use Outlook.

There were a few experiments trying to combine fiction with the Internet, but all it was was some novels with hyperlinks.

Lame.  I’d rather read a paper novel, with notes in the margins, like House of Leaves.

Despite the fact that there have been some interesting Alternate Reality Games, but you know, they haven’t taken off.  They’re just too damned hard and too damned navel-gazing for most people.  Gene Wolfe and his labyrinthine writings are the exception, not the rule, for fiction; no doubt the same extends to the Internet.

Story blogs aren’t doing any better than magazines.

I don’t think the PC is inherently a good idea, when it comes to fiction.  There’s no convenience and no prestige.  But book readers, that’s something.  I didn’t think much of them when they first came out, but listening to other people talk about theirs, it’s there, both the convenience and the prestige.

But e-books are still lame.

Here are two possibilities I’m considering:

First, add value to e-books.  Package a professional audio book with the file that can run in concert with the print version – so you can read it in the bathtub or listen to it in the car, without losing your place or having to spend any brain cells on finding your place.  Illuminate the text – in fact, use illustrations to communicate the text, if you like.  Manga on your oversized cell phone?  Hell, yes.  Don’t use links – you know that thing the iPhone can do, zooming in on things?  Do that, instead – make your books like the 1001 Arabian Nights, with stories within stories, if you like.

Second, don’t do e-books.  Do games.  Go back to the Infocom games and take the best ideas from there, then plug them into current computer games – there are alternate outcomes, but to win the game, you have to push toward the best outcome, like solving the mystery or consummating the romance, or getting out of the serial killer’s house alive.  Don’t make the reader type, though.  Make them move things around on the screen, with illustrations (see the first possibility).  I’m struggling with how to explain this, because a pick-a-path book is not what I’m aiming for.  A game in which you’re playing the detective, and have to investigate a crime scene, and you can’t leave that “area” until you have what you need (although you don’t know what to do with it).  With narration.

Why not?

I tried to find a book packager that does that kind of thing.  Sounds like the perfect job for a book packager, connecting programmers with actors, writers, and artists.

I couldn’t.

Why not?

Posted on January 10th 2010 in Uncategorized