Late, late, later.

I’m working on a project to re-read all of Steven Brust’s Vlad books this year, to try to work out what’s going to happen next, or at least to understand some of the deeper currents I picked up from reading Iorich.  I’m reading them in publication order.  Don’t read these posts if you haven’t read the books.

Jhereg is the book where Vlad has to stop Mellar, a cross-breed, from destroying the Jhereg, Dragon, and Dzur Houses by stealing the Jhereg’s bankroll and hiding out at Castle Black.

The prologue is backstory including how Vlad watched his first Jhereg killing from his father’s restaurant and meets Kiera for the first time (Kiera wasn’t involved in the killing).  How Vlad got Loiosh in the jungles west of Adrilankha (there’s a flash-flash back about how Vlad never knew his mother, but his father would call her a “witch”).  Vlad mentions he was taught sorcery by a Sorceress from the Left Hand of the Jhereg.  How Vlad got into the Jhereg, over a fight at a card table, via Nielar and Kiera.  Loiosh hatching.  Nielar mentions Kragar has no problem working with humans.

Question:  Why does Kragar have no problem working with humans?  Why is he so loyal to Vlad, over the years?

Chapter 1.  Kragar mentions that Vlad’s built up one of the best spy rings in the Jhereg.  The Demon wants to meet Vlad at the Blue Flame (inside Vlad’s territory).  The Demon, true name unknown, under 800 years old. “No one heard of him before the Interregnum.”  Killed 2 of 3 on Jhereg council just afterward.  Kragar mentions taking out Leonyar last year.

C2.  The Demon makes an offer (desc of Demon is undescriptive).  Vlad mentions Mario as the top assassin.  Mellar, one of the council members, has taken 9 million in funds.  The Demon is convinced Mellar is in the East.

C3.  Vlad decides to use Daymar to find Mellar with a psychic link.  Mentions the nineteenth guy he killed was a sorcerer who liked to polish his staff.  Vlad doesn’t know whether he enjoys killing or not.

C4.  Vlad mentions his receptionist has killed three people and has been killed once.  Vlad is currently married to Cawti.  The first time Kiera’s been in Vlad’s office (openly?).  Kiera mentions Vlad fighting an Athyra wizard in his own castle.  Vlad knows Aliera.

C5.  Vlad meets Cawti in the “lab.”  Daymar to watch spell.  Cawti and Loiosh help with spell; Daymar almost takes them down.  Vlad is overwhelmed by images which may or may not be memories, including:  ”There is a cry of ‘charge’ and five thousand Dragons come storming at the place the Eastern army is entrenched.” “The Dzur hero, coming alone to Dzur mountain, sees Sethra Lavode stand up before him, Iceflame in her hand.”  ”A small girl-child with big brown eyes looks at me and smiles.”  ”Aliera stands up before the shadow of Kieron the Conquerer, there in the midst of the Halls of Judgement…”

C6.  Vlad mentions that Cawti didn’t ask him for his help a month ago.  Norathar has retired.  Mellar is at Castle Black.  Empire has existed between two and two and a half hundred thousand years.  House of Lyorn keeps records of other Houses’ records.  Desc of Dragon-Jhereg war, about 10K ago, involving e’Kieron line, which was almost wiped out.  Can’t assassinate in own home (Jhereg rule).  Dragon rule, don’t violate hospitality.

C7.  Castle Black.  Morrolan e’Drien in East, learning witchcraft.  Zerika.  ”After that, he was instrumental in driving back the Easterners, and he helped cure the plagues they left behind them as remembrances of their visit.”  Met Morrolan after they almost killed each other, first time they met.  Lady Teldra. Aliera desc:  short, levitate.  Gold hair.  Green eyes, but change colors.  Sethra desc:  ”Color her black for sorcery, color her gray for death.”  ”Morrolan carried Blackwand, which slew a thousand at the Wall of Barritt’s Tomb.  In a list of great weapons, Vlad doesn’t mention Spellbreaker.  Mellor had given Morrolan a book of Pre-Empire Sorcery.

C8.  ”The higher a House is, the more fate tends to favor it.”  Kragar kills an assassin.

C9.  ”This was the fourth time I had almost had my tale of years snipped at the buttocks.”  Aliera checks Vlad’s genetic background.  Vlad mentions Spellbreaker.  Mellar is a Dzur-Dragon-Jhereg crossbreed.  Aliera mentions Jenoine, and how they used Dragaerans and Easterners of genetic stock.  Houses formed after Empire formed by Kieron the Conquerer.  Jenoine may have bred in psionic ability into Easterners.  Dragaerans and Easterners can’t interbreed.  Jenoine rarely come to Dragaera; Sethra fought with and destroyed one only a few years ago (possibly during the first time Vlad met her).  Great Sea of Amorphia:  ”Boom!  We have a Great Sea of Amorphia, a few new gods, and no more Jenoine.”  Connection between Jenoine experiments and Pre-Empire Sorcery.  Adron is Aliera’s father.  Aliera:  ”Pre-Empire sorcery is not exactly direct manipulation of chaos; it’s one step removed.  Direct manipulation is something else again–and that’s what Adron was doing.  He had the ability to use, in fact, the ability to create amorphia.  If you combine that with the skills of pre-Empire sorcery…”  Morrolan can’t create it.  Only e’Kieron line can, although it is said Kieron never used it.

Originally about 30 tribes; many died off; 16 left.  Jhereg formed from outcasts under an ex-Dragon named Dolivar.  Kieron eventually killed by group of Lyorn warriors and Shamans who decided he was responsible for problems brought by Jhereg.  Sethra was there at the formation of the tribes; older than the Empire.  Aliera remembers through regression.  Dolivar had been Kieron’s brother before shaming himself, being tortured and expelled.  Aliera was sister.  ”Sethra was supposed to hamstring the yendi, but she missed–deliberatly.”  (A vague reference.)  Aliera was a Shaman.  Vlad is reincarnated Dolivar.  Kieron is still on the paths of the dead.

C10.  Kragar says he was relieved when kicked out of house of Dragon.  Cawti:  ”Really, Vlad, what’s the difference?”  Vlad visits Dzur Lord Keleth, who owes him money.  Vlad threatens to ruin Keleth’s reputation; he bends.  To join Dzur, must defeat 17 champions of the House.  Mellor, as Leareth, did; the only one Keleth had heard of since the Interregnum.  Two years, then gave up Dzur and joined Jhereg–made a fool of Dzur.  Kragar doesn’t know how he sneaks into rooms.  ”He hadn’t left the House of the Dragon on his own; he’d been expelled.”

C11.  ”…a dimly lit hallway in which Lady Teldra is framed, like the Guardian, that figure that stands motionless atop Deathgate Falls…”  Paintings:  one done by the Necromancer showing wounded dragon protecting its young.  One by a nameless Lyorn showing Kieron debating with Shamans, with broadsword.  Picture that fills entire ceiling of dining hall:  depiction of Third Siege of Dzur Mountain by Katana e’M'archala.    (I suspect Necromancer pic is assigned to her by mistake?)  Vlad exchanges a pleasant smile with the Necromancer.  Cold stare to Sorceress in Green.  Nods uncommittally to Sethra the Younger.  Fentor, a Tsalmoth, is missing. Pathfinder desc:  shorter and heavier than a rapier.  Black.  Glows green.  What are Great Weapons?  Morganti, made by Serioli, can destroy souls.  GW, legend says seventeen, can decide whether to take souls, are joined to soul of bearer.

C12.  Morrolan unrevivifiable, spell blocking, Aliera can’t break.  Aliera heals, then revivifies Fentor.  Use of Spellbreaker.  Vlad uses chaos.  ”Something like formless, colorless fire shoot from me…”  ”I suddenly felt myself drained of energy, of hate, of everything.  I saw her fall in upon herself and dissolve into a swirling mass of all the colors I could conceive of, and several that I couldn’t.”  Aliera turns chaos into BLUE stone.  Vlad mentions Verra.  Aliera has sorceress’s soul inside Pathfinder.  Vlad tortures sorceress:  ”Sometimes I truly loathe the things I do.”

C13.  Vlad mentions Barlen.  Necromancer:  ”The strange, perpetual half-smile on her face.  I’ve always liked her.  Some day I hope to understand her.  On the other hand, perhaps I’d better hope not to.”  Two Dragon-Jhereg wars.  Aliera:  ”Briefly, the Jhereg who was killed was the friend of the Dragonlord, and he was helping him out on something.  Someone found out what he was doing and put a stop to it.  The Dragons demanded that the assassin be turned over to them, and this time the Jhereg agreed.  …In any case, the assassin escaped from the Dragonlord’s home before he was killed.  …He killed himself later, but by then it was too late to stop anymore. …The Jhereg killed enough of the right Dragonlords, including some wizards, so that a certain one, who’d been planning a coup, found himself forced to move too soon, and to rely too heavily on magic…” (Adron.)  ”The assassin had reasons of his own to hate the Emporer and was working with father to find a way to poison the Emporer when things fell apart.  As you know, it was Mario who finally killed the Emporer, when he tried to use the Orb against the Jhereg.  Another Phoenix tried to grab the throne, and father had to move too quickly….”

It sounds like Mario wasn’t the assassin who eventually killed himself.  This really doesn’t jive with 500 Years After.  Unless he’s talking about Greycat, well, maybe.  But Greycat was a Lyorn.

C14.  What would Mario do?  Wouldn’t take a job with time constraints.  What would Cawti and Norathar do?  Spell on Mellar and make sure Morrolan never found out.  Vlad says, “break out the kilinara” – can’t find that anywhere.  Vlad’s father died after one of the plagues.  Vlad would have died of same plague if Grandfather hadn’t cured him.  About Mellor:  ”His father killed someone, another Jhereg, just before the Interregnum.  The Jhereg he killed was protected by a Dragonlord; to be exact, Lord Adron.   …Revenge for the way a cross-breed is treated and revenge for the death of his father.”

Who is Mellar’s father?

C16.  Aliera and Cawti friends, through Norathar.  Aliera instrumental in returning Norathar to House of Dragon.  Kiera and Aliera know each other.  Vlad doesn’t call for Sethra, even though she’s been involved throughout.

C17.  Rocza.

Epilogue. Morrolan seems to be able to communicate with Loiosh.   Morrolan jokes about Blackwand being his familiar.  Rocza really isn’t a second familiar.  Vlad and Kragar prevented information from coming out.  He avoids a straight answer of why.  Vlad talks about buying a castle; Cawti’s always wanted one.  ”I’m not really sure about this genetic inheritance through the soul.  I mean, sure, I felt something for it, but I also lived through what I lived through, and I guess that shaped me more than you’d think.  I am what I am, in addition to what I was.  Do you understand what I mean?”

So:

Who was the Jhereg who was working with Adron, that was Mellar/Feareth’s father?

Why is the first book about a cross-breed working to take down three Houses?  Would taking down the three Houses have killed the Empire?  Would it at least have made the cycle change from Zerika to Norathar (I seem to remember N quit the Jhereg at the same time she became heir).

Cawti and Vlad seem to be getting on together just fine; I didn’t see any mention of Cawti and justice,  other than the reference to a job a month before Jhereg.

The Jenoine are mentioned several times; the Dragaerans are connected to animals several times.

How much more of Kragar’s story is left to come out?  I may have to deal with that later.

On the one hand – genetics (of the soul?).  On the other hand – life experiences.  Is Vlad predetermined or not?  Is the Cycle something set or not?  The Cycle was created, indirectly, by the Jenoine, who liked to mess around with genetics, souls, and controlling chaos, but failed.  Should the Cycle be destroyed?  The Interregnum wasn’t anything to celebrate, but you see a lot of characters who changed their genetic destiny during that time, and who would not have gained their advantages without it.

More later…

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I have one more set of pictures on the camera.  These are two-week-old pictures.

Lee’s shop, embarrassingly (to him) messy and full of fascinating (to me) contrasts.
24 Jan 10 006

Ray in the liberry.
24 Jan 10 008

KK at 12th night. I did something screwy to the settings and ruined most of the pictures. I liked the way the dots on Kaylee’s dress seem to spiral inward.
24 Jan 10 013

Shoes.
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The birthday princess, our beautiful neighbor Sole.
24 Jan 10 051

The exercise: Take a “minimalist” picture.
24 Jan 10 055

The Bug wants to go driving in the trees. See?
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The gorgeous door behind Blue Star.
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Can’t take it…must blog…no time…

Wow.  Not linking to Amazon is sometimes a pain in the ass.  Anyway, a link to the game is here.

Ray got Valley of the Pharaohs from Dave and Margie and Katherine for Christmas this year, and we finally sat down and played the game recently.

It’s a delightful exercise in deliberately screwing people over, for 2-6 players and from 8 on up, in a coolio box, with genuine die-cast camels and mummy.  The cloth “board” makes it a little hard to play on the carpet but is otherwise fun to play on.

The general idea is, you’re an archaeologist in the late 1800s; you take your camel and go racing after one of three random scarabs that make up your key to the staff of Amun Ra, while avoiding both other players and the dreaded mummy.  Once you have the staff, you get it back to Alexandria double-quick before someone else takes it away from you.  Meanwhile, you’re sabotaging other players and desperately trying to scrape together the resources to dig up the scarabs.  In fact, sometimes the only way to get the money is to sabotage the other players.

Ray and I played a couple of games one day, then dragged Lee in to play a day or two after that.  Ray and I both took one of the early games; Lee took the last one, because Ray was so intent on getting revenge for things I’d done in the previous game that she didn’t notice that Lee had the staff and was on the home stretch.  I, of course, was broke.  I’ll get her next time, don’t you worry.


  • @DaphneUn Yeah, but that only makes, erm, 6 2/3 pictures per day. in reply to DaphneUn #
  • @BarelyKnit fierily http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/fierily in reply to BarelyKnit #
  • @BarelyKnit It was quite the adventure in spelling, fierily was. in reply to BarelyKnit #
  • God, I love rewrites now. Who knew that so-and-so was a never-you-mind? #
  • I will do other stuff after rewrites today. Ta! #
  • Choc story rewrite 2, 1/8: "Chocolate," Imogen said, a little defensively. "It's worth more on the black market than you might think." #
  • @amoir Heheheh. Comes in tails. in reply to amoir #
  • @BarelyKnit I like the tumblr background. in reply to BarelyKnit #
  • @elizawhat I like that, "A recipe for batshit soup." I'd say my day felt like that, but I really have no basis of comparison. in reply to elizawhat #
  • Hey @dabeak: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1e0u11rgd9Q&feature=PlayList&p=E8926E3E68FF9FE3&index=5&playnext=2&playnext_from=PL #
  • Part 2/8 Choco story done. "Imogen's ghost snorted. 'Come to pray over my son, you hag? Might as well pray in binary.'" #
  • Night off for Carrie Newcomer concert. #
  • Beautiful Carrie Newcomer concert, but I've heard the patter before! The only downside to going to a folksinger's concerts year after year. #
  • Editing! Other things will happen later. #
  • 3/8 done on Choco Story. "Do you know where my quarters are?” “Zady was supposed to show you,” he said. “I pissed her off,” Aoife said. #
  • Weird Al mixes like a primate, yo! RT @alyankovic http://twitpic.com/10df4g – Mixing Day #
  • Editing. Stop distracting me! #
  • Part 4/8 of Choco done. Ian said, "You said you wanted more data. I figured it'd be fun." #
  • Going to double back and read it outloud up to this point now; I think I've lost Aoife's characteristic phrasing in the rush of action. #
  • @ianthealy Too late! Short chapter. in reply to ianthealy #
  • Jager and a jelly it is then! RT @copyblogger Gimme a bottle of anything, and a glazed donut… to go! #
  • This is not your child! #
  • Good morning! Time to edit! No sleep till Brooklyn! #
  • I'm doing much less rewriting and much more thinking this time around. A sign of progress? #
  • OMG. Ray needs new karate pants already. #
  • Sometimes we are the windshield, sometimes we are the bug. Sometimes it all comes together baby, sometimes you're a fool in love. #
  • Done: 5/8 of Choco story. "No harm done? We could have died!" "Oh, like I haven't heard that one before." #
  • @Three_Star_Dave They seem to be traditional gis – but they went from highwater pants to shorter than Revenge of the Nerds. in reply to Three_Star_Dave #
  • Overwhelmed. My blogging is going to be very light next week. #

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by Amanita Design.

Ray and I finished Machinarium this week.

WHOAH.  I feel like we really accomplished something.  And neither one of us could have done it without the other.  We make a good team.

Click on the link, play the demo.

Anyway, the game is about a robot who wakes up in a trash heap, knowing only that he has to save his lady-robot love.  The game is set up in screens, with a number of puzzles to be solved before you can move the character to the next screen.  There is no language in the game, no explanations, only a bubble with a light bulb that shows up occasionally to provide a nod toward the general direction you’re supposed to discover.

The art is beautiful (click the link) the interface intuitive, and the story simple but powerful.

And no words!

Ray and I cheered when we finished.

by Elizabeth Bear.

Well, I can’t say this was the greatest thing since sliced bread, but I liked Hammered quite a bit.

Does this book count as military SF?  It’s about a woman who’s been used and screwed by a military black ops division in Canada.  They now want her back, because the particular hell they put her through has more than aptly prepared her to be used and screwed for their new project.  I could go into more details of the miserable things that have gone on through the main character’s life, but it’d sound like the world’s best SF blues song (except for Miles Vorkosigan, of course), and I can’t sing the blues.

Fantastically realized characters.  There are no saints in this book (which makes me think of Fullmetal Alchemist more than anything else), and the plots within plots are delicious.  The writing is straightforward, really straightforward, not just “so-so writing” but stripped down and efficient.  The pace is fast, the choices painful, and the brief moments of happiness shining like angels in the heavens.

I’ll definitely pick up the rest of the series, at least.

by Kou Fumizuki.

Wow.  I started reading these books expecting to just love this series.

Ugh.  No like.

Imagine Ah! My Goddess or Fruits Basket with bland, flat, stock characters who act in bland, flat, stock-character ways, and you’ve got this series in a nutshell.

The “perfect woman” (that is, 100% docile and 100% loyal) tracks down this guy to whom she was pledged to be married when she was a child.  The guy has abandoned his family, however, and is no longer worthy for this upper-class woman.  He’s nice to her without either one of them recognizing each other, then they recognize each other.  Hijinks ensue!  With lots of boobs!

Am I the only person who can see the main characters are going to make each other miserable for the rest of their lives?  The “perfect woman” automatically assumes the worst, goes apeshit mentally, and pretends everything is okay.  The guy can’t even phone home when he’s going to be late, and “accidentally” gets into these compromising situations, which the girl has to just accept.

Dude.  Just because she’s cute, has great tits, and thinks she’s in love with you and will do whatever you say for the rest of your life, doesn’t mean she’s the one for you! Get a life!  She will wake up and realize you’re a shallow asshole at some point, or worse, she won’t!

Grumble grumble grumble…

by Hal Duncan.

I wanted to like this book, but I didn’t.

No, I liked it enough to finish it – almost more to see whether the ending would work than to find out what happened, which was that there was going to have to be a sequel.

It looks like a lot of people liked it unabashedly, which confuses me.

The book is “about” a guy who’s looking for a book, called the Book of All Hours, which may or may not contain the actual Word of God.  However, it turns out this book is just a doorway for the real story, which is that our world is just one fold in a multiverse parchment call the Vellum, which is the entirety of creation.  You follow various versions of the characters through various nonlinear timelines, learning the angels and demons are at it again, and more pissed off at the independent agents than each other.

One, it’s disorienting, and it’s me saying this, having truly enjoyed James Joyce’s Ulysses.

Two, it’s bland.  You don’t spend more than a few pages with a character before he’s killed off and you shift to another multiverse.

Three, it’s all been done before.  What?  You’re expecting me not to have read Neal Stephenson’s Snow Crash?  Or Roger Zelazny’s Amber series?  Or Umberto Eco’s Foucalt’s Pendulum?  Or Robert Shea and Robert Anton Wilson’s and  Illuminatus! Trilogy?  How about not having read John Crowley’s Little, Big?  Okay, granted, most people haven’t read all those, but I have, and I can see that Vellum is a mishmash of the good parts of those books, with little plot an no characters.  Also, Neil Gaiman’s Neverwhere has better thugs.  By far.

by Diana Wynne Jones.

This is another fantastic YA by DWJ about a girl who has done nothing but read books her entire life and has become thoroughly useless.  My mother may find this singularly appropriate; however, it’s the mother’s fault for forcing this uselessness (as a pretense to “respectability”), so watch it.

The girl, Charmain, has to watch her uncle’s house while her uncle undergoes magical treatment to cure a mysterious disease.  Meanwhile, the uncle, who is a wizard, and thus (to Charmain’s mother’s mind) disrespectable, has left his magical house in a shambles.  Charmain, the wizard’s brand-spanking-new apprentice, and the wizard’s adopted stray dog get dragged into the effort by Sophie (secretly accompanied by Howl) to save the kingdom.  She learns how to work magic, do the laundry, and save the kingdom.  Huzzah!

SPOILER:

Howl shows up in this one as a spoiled, lithping brat named Twinkle, which is worth the price of admission right there.  I heard this on audiobook, read by Jenny Sterlin, while at work and had to repress laughter to prevent people from asking what I was laughing about, and thus, interrupt the story.

All the plots and betrayals are starting to come to fruition.  We’re in the endgame of an international fictional chess game, with perfectly defined pieces.  For as much as is going on in this series, it’s impressive that it hasn’t jumped the shark or started repeating itself, pretending to be ever more impressive.  FMA is some of the best plotting and character writing I’ve seen, bar none.  And even the most frantic of fight scenes remains clearly rendered, moves the plot along, and true to character.

Me<—-Jealous.

A note:  Edward doesn’t seem to be getting any taller.  Maybe it’s just me.

  • Good news – big work project is done! Bad news – Rejections 7/11. #
  • Also, Machinarium still kicking our butts. However, we did collaboratively solve several nassssty puzzles. #
  • Hey @ianthealy – Since I started reading your hockey story, I've been looking at the fans with a little less pure ?!?!? #
  • @davisac1 Okay, I give. What does "THIMK" even mean?!? in reply to davisac1 #
  • @Three_Star_Dave Re: Iorich – what? You're not enthralled by the emerging patterns? Like Penn'n'Teller doing the same trick, slower. Now? in reply to Three_Star_Dave #
  • @davisac1 HA! Here I was trying to figure out acronyms. in reply to davisac1 #
  • Interesting. Nobody really knows where the phrase "going all pear-shaped" comes from. #
  • @Ianthealy Done reading Blood on the Ice. Will send comments in a day or two. In short – beginning is meh, liked middle, liked end… #
  • @ianthealy But if you srsly think you can pull off the narrator, can we at least have a cameo of the guy with a broken leg? #
  • @ianthealy – In short, a good farce, needs work on getting it moving and setting up chars. #
  • Too early. #
  • @elizawhat January is the correct month for Mind Cleaning. Here. Have a brillo pad. in reply to elizawhat #
  • @bookoven If, at any point, you find yourself on the opposite team from the librarians, you're screwed. in reply to bookoven #
  • @Dabeak Were's the "quoting the opening from Quantum Leap" quote from? in reply to Dabeak #
  • @bookoven Re: single device. It might. It just won't do it the way they want it to. in reply to bookoven #
  • @bookoven What if the "expensive addition" to an e-book makes it more game-like? in reply to bookoven #
  • Alien Blue rejection: 8/11. #
  • 18th Cent Gothic Zombie Funny Horror, with Ron Pearlman. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0902290/ "I Sell the Dead" OOOooOOOOoo. #
  • It might just be my personal Repo: the Genetic Opera for the year. !!! #
  • @DaphneUn So I read Maureen's article…via the NYT, who wants to charge for content. in reply to DaphneUn #
  • Why do I feel hung over if I haven't been drinking? Ugh. #
  • @copyblogger "This is not my beautiful house! This is not my beautiful wife!" in reply to copyblogger #
  • @profitsee Well I had a GREAT time tonight, so I'll consider it even. in reply to profitsee #
  • @DaphneUn Journalism is in interesting times, like a canary down a mine shaft I think. in reply to DaphneUn #
  • Sweeney Todd @FAC=The Shite. Perfect theater, amazing set, great cast, fritzy sound system (which they didn't need), lights on actors much? #
  • @elizawhat Aren't you supposed to kill off your characters just because they needed killin'? in reply to elizawhat #
  • @elizawhat Website: both classy and friendly. in reply to elizawhat #
  • Earworm: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3nemUkG1_AE Me and my cousin, and you and your cousins, it's a line that's always running… #
  • @DaphneUn Re: #/photos. A shutterbug I know came back from AK cruise with over 5K pictures. You're fine. Or was it 8K? in reply to DaphneUn #
  • @Three_Star_Dave Ah, I hope you feel better. Poor cookie dad! in reply to Three_Star_Dave #
  • Okay, the Chocolate Story is moving away from a working title and toward "Cargo of the Gods." #
  • Or maybe "Aoife and the Cargo of the Gods." Brainstorming. #
  • Logline: Kidnapped researcher uses science, subterfuge, and chocolate to discover why her murdered cousin has come back to haunt her. #
  • Ooh, that should be loyal, not kidnapped. #
  • Loyal researcher uses science, subterfuge, and chocolate to discover why her murdered cousin has come back to haunt her. #
  • @ianthealy WHAT makes more sense? in reply to ianthealy #
  • @ianthealy The logline, I hope. in reply to ianthealy #
  • @ianthealy Aoife's character note is her loyalty vs. her pride. She's so brilliant that things should just fall into her lap, she thinks. in reply to ianthealy #
  • I think I'm going to have to re-outline both inner and outer journeys. All the pieces are there, but the reasoning is thin. #
  • @ianthealy Ee-fa, just like in Wally. in reply to ianthealy #

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by Serena Valentino and Crab Scrambly.

Serena Valentino is the writer of Gloom Cookie (drawn by Ted Naifeh).

I don’t know.  I wanted to be happier with this graphic novel than I was.  I like the art, I generally like the writer.  But the book just wasn’t scary enough, and the plot twist just didn’t pay off.

The story starts out with an aunt returning to a home in New Orleans just before (I think) the turn of the century.  She’s bringing her niece with her.  So far, so good.  As the aunt gives the address to a cab driver, we find out the house is haunted and was the site of a horrible massacre involving slaves.

Ghost proceed to haunt the aunt but leave the niece alone.  The aunt turns to the women at the convent who raised her to provide help.  The ghosts finally start appearing to the niece, warning her not to trust the nuns.

I’m not sure why I didn’t find this story compelling.  Too straightforward?  Lots of conflict, not enough drama (that is, heart-rending choices)?  Too many mysteries revealed, too soon?  Foreshadowing so heavy that the twist didn’t really come as a surprise?  No sense that horrible things would continue to happen, even after the events of the story?

I don’t know.  I should have liked it, and I didn’t.

Ray read it, too.  Her review:  ”Not very scary.”

I didn’t expect the FAC to have such a sweet theater.  Allow me to gush:  it’s the perfect size.  Not so flat that they’re tempted to rely on tricks like doing theater in the round (annoying), not so small that they can’t sell enough tickets to pay for professionals.  Not so big that you can’t see.

I went with Ann and Larry and Doug and Lauren; Ann had managed to snag us front-row seats, the minx.

I haven’t seen Sweeney Todd before, either as a play or as the movie; somehow, the movie just never appealed.  I saw a trailer and said, “Nah.”  Now I know that Tim Burton was not the guy to direct Sweeney Todd.  Not everything is meant to be goth.  Like the Marilyn Manson version of “Sweet Dreams.”  The Eurhythmics version is ironic, because it’s this song about the dirty ways of the world sung by someone with the voice of an angel:  the opposite of what you expect – thus – ironic. Marilyn Manson is just singing a song.  If there’s any irony, it’s that Marilyn Manson doesn’t seem to get that he’s a hell of a lot less cosmopolitan than Annie Lennox.

As far as I can tell, the director (Alan Osburn, who also played Sweeney Todd, I see), teased out so much irony an Eighties hair band would be jealous.

The set was versatile and impressive without being overly clever, that is, without getting in the way of the play.  I was happy with the way the same grungy, brick-heavy decor was used for all the characters, from high to low.  (Even the set brought out irony.)

The lighting and sound equipment had issues; as Ann noted, either the actors couldn’t hit their marks or the lights were off.  The sound system started going on the fritz toward the end of the first act.  Good!  I wish they’d just turned it off.  If the actors couldn’t have projected to fill that theater, they shouldn’t have been acting professionally on stage.  The echoes from the sound system made some of the lines/lyrics sound garbled.

The actors.

Mrs. Lovett was the star of the show, coming across as Eddie Izzard in ginger curls.  Toby was a close second, even though he sounded like Spongebob Squarepants (I am not sure that wasn’t intentional).  Poor Mr. T was a distant third, struggling to handle the low range at times, but of an eloquent normality that made the rest of the show fall into place:  Sweeney Todd was just some guy, you know?  The ingenues were ingenues.  The beggar woman was also especially good.  No shame at all, that woman.

With most black comedies about the way of the world, the end of the story leaves you exhausted, depressed, and swearing never to cross paths with the story again (Boogie Nights, Dangerous Liaisons).  Not so here.  This is built more like a Shakespearean tragedy, with the inevitable and shocking coming to a gleeful climax.

I really need to track down the version with Angela Lansbury.

I’ve been messing around with settings – here’s use of a higher ISO setting with no flash.  The graininess comes from the setting.

16 Jan 10 002

Here’s messing around with the camera’s pitiful macro setting.

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Microplane!

A picture for Ray – Tiger LPS in conquest of lasagna.

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And Tiger LPS explores the world of Mouse Guard.

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Ray’s foot with the abominable snow monster.

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And, for the grand finale, may I present Miss Rachael?

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by David Peterson.

Have I mentioned lately that I am in love with characters that show perseverance?  ’Cos I am.

Mouseguard is about a group of mice working as guardsmen for the mouse town, Lockhaven.  The mice, while living lives the length of normal humans (I think) live in a world where everything is bigger than they are, there’s very little technology (about Dark Ages/the cusp of a maker-type renaissance), and they taste good.  Nevertheless, they survive.

The characters are more fully realized than most literary novels.  The drawing is fantastic, just fantastic, about a million miles away from the garish, brutal, oversexed stuff of superheroes.  And…cute?  Yes, I’d have to say that from time to time, I have to go, “Oooh, the little mousie is so cuuuuute.”    Not childlike, but realistic – and mice are cute.

Volume 1 was about introducing characters in their everyday world, then disrupting the world – a good tactic for a book named Fall.  Winter is about the aftermath of the plot twists from Fall. The characters are out of food, supplies, and medicine, and begging around the area to get more.  Mysteries abound – but don’t come to fruition.  Which is good for a book called Winter.  I get the sense that the next volume, Black Axe, is going to develop the mysteries further – but not quite move into Spring.

OoooOOOooo.

by Liza Dalby.

This is one of the finest books I’ve read in years.  My tastes don’t run toward the literary and fine, but this was worth stepping out of the genres to read.

It’s the “discovered” story of the author of The Tale of Genji, that is, the world’s first novel (debatable, but pretty close either way).  The woman, Murasaki Shikibu (a nickname; she ended up named after one of her own characters from Genji) left her diary to her daughter; the daughter published the diary years after her mother’s death.

The Tale of Murasaki is an episodic, literary exploration of living in 10-11th century Japan.  Hm…how do I explain it?  It rings true about what it feels like to be a writer, both as the unknown girl whose father is worried that she’ll embarrass him and as the writer of the Empress’s favorite stories.  Mood swings; isolation; falling in love with all the wrong people; figuring out the difference between what people want to read and what rings true.  And, most remarkably, putting poetry in such a context as to both make them make sense and be vital to the plot.

Quickly I peeled off the wet Chinese clothing and hit it. My skin was hot but my hair retained the cold from outside. At one point my cap had fallen off and Ming-gwok took my loose hair into his slender white fingers and buried his face in it. He said someday he would send me some of the Chinese perfumed oil his mother used. I lay down under my pile of padded robes, but left my cold hair outside the quilts, spread in tangled disarray. My dreams were tumbled in disarray as well.

A thousand strands of black hair, tangled hair – like them my thoughts, tangling and entangled.

Time and time again, I kept making comparison to sending someone elegant tweets on Twitter.  People would just dash off a quick poem, send it off by messenger, and receive a reply within (sometimes) minutes.  There are only so many new ideas, you know.

In the end, Murasaki is tired of writing Genji stories (a lifetime) and wants to leave the court and become an ascetic (although not a nun).  She manages to kill off Genji, but is then trapped into writing about his sons (just as she is cornered into staying at court).  Eventually, she finds a way out, a satisfyingly literary one.  The story of a woman who tastes success, gains respect, and finds the things she loves are the things she has lost or thrown away.  I liked it.  A good story for a season full of cold and depression.

by Stephen Brust.

Stuff is starting to fall into place.  If you’re a Stephen Brust fan, you should read this book.

And maybe that’s all I need to say.

For anybody who doesn’t know who Stephen Brust is or what he writes, he writes high fantasy that might be SF, if you look at it in a different light.  The main character in the Vlad books, Vlad Taltos, is a human assassin working for the “official” criminal organization on his planet, killing millenia-old Elves (Dragaerans) and runnning his own territory.  Vlad’s a smartass; he’s very clever.  Things proceed to get a lot deeper than criminal intrigue, though.

Why should you read Stephen Brust?  For the same reason you should treat yourself to a meal made my a master chef in disguise, working at a diner, making food that is almost, but not quite familiar.

A note – the books vary in tone and don’t follow a straightforward timeline; one book might be set years before or after another.

(There’s another series of high fantasy books based on Alexandre Dumas’s Three Musketeers books; they start about 1000 years before the main books, but follow a Dragaeran character who continues through to the main series.)

Anyway, I figured out my reading project for this year – I’m going to read the Vlad books in publication order and try to figure out where this is all going.

by Tom Ang.

I’m at the point with digital photography that I have two concerns:  how to make the camera do something even remotely resembling what I want, and what, exactly, am I looking for when it comes to good pictures.

I read one of the Dummies books on digital photography and learned a lot about the technical details of operating a camera.  (Except for f-stop.  Why can’t anybody explain f-stop worth a damn?) But I hated the pictures, and I hated the advice on how to take pictures.

The Tom Ang book doesn’t rate so high on the technical details aspect.  But I love the pictures.

Why would you want to be able to do X with your camera?

Here are some examples.

Why does the POV matter?  Because if you take the picture of the statue from below, it looks like the saint is looking up toward heaven.

Why do you want to be able to adjust for low light levels and mess with exposure levels?  To take pictures of stained-glass windows.

Why do you want to adjust your ISO setting?  So you can take sharp pictures of dancers in a dark hall.

Each example is accompanied by a sidebar with the camera settings.

Unlike the Dummies book, this one made me want to go out and take pictures.  I can’t think of higher praise.

We went over to Dave and Margie’s for Twelfth Night on Saturday – not exactly the twelfth night after Christmas, but not March, either.

Mary, Jackie, Stan, Doyce, Kate, and Randy were all over, too.  Margie did something I’ve never heard of before – as each guest came through the door, they had to take a slip of paper with a number and an appetizer on it, which they then had to prepare.

I think the theory behind this was to make sure Margie stayed off her foot and ankle, which she broke in December.  It helped…some.  But it was interesting.  Why Randy got stuck making the dumplings, I’ll never know.

It was glog night.  I think I’m going to make the tentative observation that warm liquor is my Waterloo, or at least my tequila.  I don’t regret my inappropriate actions, but I won’t chortle over them here.

A foodie note – mixing kona coffee (with its smoky undertaste) and Scotch cancels out the smokiness of both.  Stick with whiskey.

I miss you all  already.

  • Watch me bounce off the walls. "What do you think about Choose Your Own Adventure Books?" [Insert evil laugh here.] #
  • @elizawhat Your high school boy-on-boy plot sounds like MANGA! #
  • Semantic Saturation – a repeated word losing meaning. RT @BarelyKnit http://tumblr.com/xcq5i9mi8 #
  • @bookoven Re: book soul mates. That's like having a library filled only with previously-read books. in reply to bookoven #
  • @bookoven Hm…which might be a good ending to that story, actually. Okay. #
  • @scalzi Me: A cat. Choose: FURBALL! in reply to scalzi #
  • Woke up thinking of bad puns. #
  • Ugh…need nap. #
  • @Daphneun Check out Woot – tripod flashlight on a keychain. Huh. I wonder if it's bright enough to be useful. #
  • @Daphneun Also, the blurb is a nice Twilight parody. #

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I went to my good-bye party for my old group at work, a month and a half after I actually left.  I guess I was kind of lucky; if we’d had it any earlier, the people I’d been working with the most wouldn’t have been able to go, and I would have been too broken up about it to be much fun.

I had a good time, even though I kept thinking, “Is this the last time I’ll get to joke around with so-and-so or so-and-so?”

It was kind of like graduating from college.  New job learning new things for more money – and leaving behind the people who have gone though so much with you.

Oh well.  We’ll always have Facebook.

by Kiyohiko Azuma.

This is a graphic novel about a little girl named Yotsuba who has green hair ponytailed into a four-leaf clover style.

What can I say?  All of this series runs about the same, that is, brilliant.  This is the series that reminds me of Ray when she was younger.

In this volume, Yotsuba (who I estimate to be about four, although she claims to be six at one point) learns how to use string/cup telephones (and learns how to be an e-mail, complete with attachment and emoticon), calls her grandmother, gets sick, bakes a cake, goes shopping for her dad, and goes to a ranch.

Exciting, right?

I left this volume lying around, and Ray picked it up.  She squealed with laughter.

Just so.

Welcome to the PPW January Write Brain, in which you will speed-date your most precious ideas to the audience!  You have 30 seconds to pitch your story!  And then an audience of thousands of jeering skeptics will mock your ideas by rating them on a scale of one to five, with one being absolute sucktitude and five being an unattainable goal!

YAAAAY!

Actually, it was pretty fun.  Trai Cartwright, a former Hollywood insider posing as a MFA candidate, did a great job on walking us through pitching our ideas, that is, she gave us a few base rules and let us have at it.

Here are the rules:

[Crickets chirping]

Right.  Get up there and tell us about your idea, your name, what it is (short story, screenplay, etc.), and the idea.

Some of the ideas were finished products; some of them were ideas brainstormed while staring vaguely at Ms. Cartwright and pretending to listen.  You know:  smile, nod, jot jot jot, smile, nod.

You know how hard it is to practice pitching to an agent?  (If you’ve ever gone to an April Write Brain before the PPW Conference, you know what I mean.)  Idea “speed dating” is the opposite of that.  You stand up, give a 30-second pitch, listen to what other people have to say, and then babble a bit about an answer.  Maybe it works so well because nobody expects a “I’ll be your rock-star agent” or “Get away from me, you freak” kind of decision.

After the first couple of pitches, I felt like I had the hang of it and started throwing in ideas and asking questions.  I don’t know – maybe some people were miserable getting their ideas tried out, but it didn’t look like it.  From what I saw, every person willing to stand up and get bugged by the audience came away with at least some kind of insight, whether from the comments or otherwise.  And every writer who stood up had an idea that I’d read (or watch).

I got up near the end and threw out my Chocolate Story idea.  Everybody got the wrong idea about it – no, the main characters don’t fall in love.  (It would totally spoil the twist at the end.)  But I realized that I was thinking of the story in the wrong way, because the story I was describing isn’t the story I’m writing.  Then I pitched the idea for a short horror story I’ve been kicking around for six months, and the audience listened, said, “You have great characters, now you just need a plot” and proceeded to supply one.  I kind of like the plot, kind of not, but it’s getting me started on how to approach the story.

This whole talking about my ideas to see how they go over thing…I think I like it.

I’ve been reading Fox in Sox to Rachael since she was a baby.  I’ve been getting pretty good at it, too, as in being able to just make it through the damned thing without stumbling.  I’ve even been working on speed.

The trick, I’ve found, is to not think of the words as words at all, but as syl-a-bles.  To read in more of a monotone.  To not look at the pictures.

Today, Ray read through Fox in Sox with me.

She laughed at herself so hard I started to stumble over the words because I was laughing too hard, too.  For a while she kept saying the same word over and over again, and I had to laugh whenever I caught her at it.

I don’t think I’ve ever had so much fun reading Fox in Sox.

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Okay, I’m finally to the point where I’m actually thinking about getting a cell phone.  I had intended to pick up a Droid phone right after Christmas, but after doing more research, I’m changing my plan.  I may have to wait a little longer.

Here’s what I want, a solo gadget that will do the following:

  • Let me call people.
  • Let me do the whole social-networking thing, including e-mail.
  • Let me research in real-time.
  • Let me jot down notes, wiki-wiki.
  • Let me retrieve notes even faster.
  • Let me compose and edit. I’ll bend on formatting; I don’t really need to build Tables of Contents while I’m out and about.
  • Let me read books.
  • Let me listen to music and other audio stuff.
  • Let me take reasonable (web-quality) snapshots.
  • Let me record reasonable (podcast-quality) audio.
  • Work everywhere, when I want it.
  • Have an amazing battery life.
  • Connect to my home and car systems in a heartbeat, no questions asked.
  • Not be a pain in the ass to use.
  • Not lock me in place.  I want hacks.
  • Waterproof, because what’s a book reader that you can’t take in the kitchen or bathtub?
  • Doesn’t cost an arm and a leg.
  • Doesn’t actually go into my brain.

Well? Why not?

I’m going to pretend this thing already exists, and that a lot of people are as excited about it as I am.  I’m sure, when it does exist, a lot of people will be excited.  Again.  Why not?

So.  Here’s the question.  What do I want to write for the damned thing?

Look me in the eye and tell me that e-books aren’t lame, that they’re an Exciting New Idea.

See?  You can’t do it.  IT’S THE SAME THING AS A BOOK.  Only not as good.  You know what’s so great about books?  They are, and always have been, a status item.  It takes a ton more skill to read and understand a book than it does to watch a show or a movie (although, admittedly, it takes a great deal of skill  to really appreciate either).  I quit watching live TV years ago (not because I was above it, but because I got sucked in, hours and hours later), and whenever I tell people that, they’re always a little impressed.  “I read books,” I say, and I’m part of an imaginary elite.  Now, among people who read books (and around the people who love them), we know that it’s more of an addiction than it is something that marks us as superior, but most people don’t know that.

You know what else most people don’t know?  That they can do more than read news, talk to people they already know, or go shopping on the Internet.

I can’t tell you how aghast I am when I tell people about BoingBoing and they say, “What?”

No, really.  Most people.  In real life.  Most people haven’t grasped the medium.  They know how to do things on the Internet, but they don’t have the Internet in their brains, as it were.  I mean, blank looks when I run their shitty political e-mails through Snopes and tell them that not only were they wrong, but they were wrong six years ago, from a different country.  IMDB?  What’s that?  Look, honey, I just use Outlook.

There were a few experiments trying to combine fiction with the Internet, but all it was was some novels with hyperlinks.

Lame.  I’d rather read a paper novel, with notes in the margins, like House of Leaves.

Despite the fact that there have been some interesting Alternate Reality Games, but you know, they haven’t taken off.  They’re just too damned hard and too damned navel-gazing for most people.  Gene Wolfe and his labyrinthine writings are the exception, not the rule, for fiction; no doubt the same extends to the Internet.

Story blogs aren’t doing any better than magazines.

I don’t think the PC is inherently a good idea, when it comes to fiction.  There’s no convenience and no prestige.  But book readers, that’s something.  I didn’t think much of them when they first came out, but listening to other people talk about theirs, it’s there, both the convenience and the prestige.

But e-books are still lame.

Here are two possibilities I’m considering:

First, add value to e-books.  Package a professional audio book with the file that can run in concert with the print version – so you can read it in the bathtub or listen to it in the car, without losing your place or having to spend any brain cells on finding your place.  Illuminate the text – in fact, use illustrations to communicate the text, if you like.  Manga on your oversized cell phone?  Hell, yes.  Don’t use links – you know that thing the iPhone can do, zooming in on things?  Do that, instead – make your books like the 1001 Arabian Nights, with stories within stories, if you like.

Second, don’t do e-books.  Do games.  Go back to the Infocom games and take the best ideas from there, then plug them into current computer games – there are alternate outcomes, but to win the game, you have to push toward the best outcome, like solving the mystery or consummating the romance, or getting out of the serial killer’s house alive.  Don’t make the reader type, though.  Make them move things around on the screen, with illustrations (see the first possibility).  I’m struggling with how to explain this, because a pick-a-path book is not what I’m aiming for.  A game in which you’re playing the detective, and have to investigate a crime scene, and you can’t leave that “area” until you have what you need (although you don’t know what to do with it).  With narration.

Why not?

I tried to find a book packager that does that kind of thing.  Sounds like the perfect job for a book packager, connecting programmers with actors, writers, and artists.

I couldn’t.

Why not?

by Seth Godin.

The book is Seth’s Blog, cleaned up and presented for the book-reading (vs. the blog-reading) masses.

I’m going to take a wild guess here and say the rest of his books are probably more of the same.

Nevertheless, this is probably the hardest book I’ve read since Gene Wolfe.  Actually, that’s not really fair.  Let me say instead that this is the chewiest non-fiction book I’ve read since Guns, Germs, and Steel.

Published in 2006 (and based on posts that seem to be coming from 2003), the book seems awfully prescient.  The economy can’t keep things up and stuff is going to fall apart soon; are you going to cling to your corporate job and waste years and years of your life living somebody’s else’s plan, or are you going to make your own plans?  Well, are ya, punk?

It’s like Neal Stephenson for the masses, I tell you.  He’s only up to Snow Crash, mind you, but there’s a leap and half beyond most marketing gurus.

I don’t know if I can really call Seth Godin a marketing guru, but I will.  Not an advertising guru, but a marketing guru – that is, a guy that can tell you how to make people buy your product.  A strategy guy rather than a tactics guy.

He questions things like telemarketers – how much money do you really make, long-term, pushing spam?  Trying to get a job with a big corporation – they don’t innovate, they offload.  How MBAs are taking over the Internet and making it boring.  How excess of choices means that reaching an audience isn’t going to be the same anymore (commercials that interrupt a what you’re watching?  I haven’t seen one of those since I sat in the lobby of the car dealership, waiting for my Bug to be fixed.  And I’ll turn off the radio before I listen to a commercial).  Why does everyone think the future is going to be lame?  Where did the Jetsons go?

Good questions.  I put him on my RSS, because I wonder what he has to say about now.

(The Colour of Magic and The Light Fantastic), by Terry Pratchett, Stephen Ross, and Scott Rockwell.*

If someone had started me out on The Colour of Magic or The Light Fantastic, I would have pitched the book across the room and never come back.  And the BBC version of the combined stories?  Sorry, but that was a huge letdown. **

I mean, really?  Can you think of a less-sympathetic character than Rincewind?  How, in God’s name, can you either relate to him or want to be Rincewind?

Fortunately, I was started out on Moving Pictures.  Not a great Discworld novel, but at least it didn’t involve Rincewind.  Now, later, Rincewind becomes a somewhat-sympathetic character, and by the time you hit The Last Continent, I’m okay with him.  Terry Pratchett has become so good, he can make even a Rincewind an enjoyable character.  Somewhat.

My favorite character is Granny Weatherwax.  She doesn’t have much truck with the Rincewinds in this life, and neither do I.

That being said, the graphic novels are my favorite version of the first two Discworld stories.

The art’s not great, but it shows, very nearly, the things I imagined in my head, and then some.  The men aren’t all superheroey, except when it’s funny.  The women are all pretty with big boobs, but TP really didn’t develop any decent female characters in the first two books, anyway (in fact, nobody’s female, unless it’s funny).  You know what?  Wyrmburg turned out pretty neat, and the hookboots finally made sense.  Twoflower looks like the basis for Arthur in the Tick.  Vetinari looks shockingly young (he should look young, at that point).  The graphic novels look like something a D&D lover would have written and drawn, for better or worse, and I’m fond of them for it.

I can’t recommend it for anyone who loves the series with a love beyond all loves.  People who love things get mad about adaptations.  But I recommend it for anybody who remembers what it’s like to be twelve and reading cheesy comics and loving All Things D&D.

Sadly, I wasn’t one of those people.  I was far too serious back then.  But I got better.

*I’m assuming you know the Discworld.

**I get to use extra footnotes in any review of a work by Terry Pratchet.  Also, the Hogfather adaptation was brilliant, totally worth hacking the region codes on the DVD player for.

You know, I forgot to announce it, but I started a cooking blog over at www.foodie.deannaknippling.com.  I’m calling it “The Piquant Alchemist” because 1) piquant means strongly flavored, so I can cuss, and 2) alchemy is a cross between science and magic, and that’s about how I cook.  Anybody who’s heard me talk about my stomach flipping right around Groundhog Day can attest to the pagan nature of my taste buds.  Which is about all that pagan about me, admittedly.

Book 4 of the Chronicles of Chrestomanci, by Diana Wynne Jones.

As a note, I’m numbering the books according to the spine of the editions I have, two books to a bound mass-market paperback.  Like the Narnia series, there’s some debate about the order in which to read the books.  Hey.  I had a craving to read the series again and pulled what I had off my shelf.  That’s my reading order.

I read The Pinhoe Egg earlier, but I’m not going to review it here.  It’s been too long since I read it.  I still have Conrad’s Fate to read, too.

This is my least favorite of the series; I read a few chapters into it the first time and put it down.  Then I checked it out on audiobook and listened to it in the car.  I kept stopping listening to it, because it was so painful, but eventually I made it through and was glad of it.  You know Schindler’s List?  It’s brilliant.  You just don’t run around on a bad day and say, “You know what I want to watch?  Schindler’s List.  It’s so comforting.”

Same thing here.

The world is a world that forbids magic, and the story starts out with someone who drops a note to one of the teachers saying, “Someone in this class is a witch.”  In all caps.  All the kids hate each other.  All the adults hate each other.  Oh, god, it’s like sixth grade all over again.  I want to crawl in a corner and whimper every time I come across this book, let alone when I read it.

So this was the first time I successfully read the book.  Don’t think I didn’t feel like putting it down and running away.  But I’d just read the first three, so I pushed through.  Really, really quickly.  This is never going to be a book that I read for fun.

But I wish I’d read it when I was in sixth grade.  It might have made things a bit easier to grasp.

So when you run across that kid (you know that kid) who’s having a miserable time in sixth grade, give him this book.  He won’t like it.

But, dammit, he’ll know what to do.

Book 3 of The Chronicles of Chrestomanci, by Diana Wynne Jones

Romeo and Juliet, with Magic, as told by their younger siblings.

There are two great houses of magic in the world of The Magicians of Caprona.  They don’t like each other and they forbid the kids to have anything to do with each other.

I mean, really, you can see where things are going from here.  It’s hardly a spoiler to say that one member of each of the houses falls in love with each other and are secretly married.  However, that’s not the point of the plot.  (This is a kids’ book, that is, a middle grade book, not really a young adult book.  Falling in love is still something to make yuck faces about, at that point.)  In fact, the couple manages to hoodwink their families quite nicely, thank you, none of that business with the poison or the running away.

Unfortunately, the hate between the families is the least of their problems.  All the magic in town is falling apart, they’re about to be attacked by other Italian city-states, and nobody can find the actual words to the greatest spell they know, the ones that…protects…their city…from being attacked.

Don’t you just hate that?

Once again, the main character of the book is a kid, reknowned as a talentless lump.  However, he makes off better than the main characters in the first to Chrestomanci books, in that the patriarch of his family consults the cat (there are a lot of cats in this series, and not just the character Cat.  I have to wonder what the deal is there.  I suppose DWJ just likes cats.  I don’t recall a lot of dogs in her stories), who tells him that he, the family’s cat-patriarch, will keep an eye on Tonino, because Tonino is his favorite.  There’s a brilliant older brother, Paolo, but he loves his brother like a brother should (really).   A lot of familiar puzzles pieces in a slightly different order, Magicians isn’t the strongest book in the series, but I’m still fond of it.  The scenes are sharper, the action funnier, the images more surreal.  Not quite as masterful, scene-by-scene, as Howl’s Moving Castle, one of my favorite books of all time, but incredibly sharp.

Is this a book about war or a book about the Hatfields and Macoys?

DWJ raises the question:  Is there a difference?

Book 2 of The Chronicles of Chrestomanci, by Diana Wynne Jones.

…And when I got to Book 2 of the series, I said, “Oh!  This is the with Tacroy!”

I suppose I should mention there’s a spoiler that follows.  There is one, and it’s in the very next sentence.

This is the story of the ordinary kid who grew up to be the Chrestomanci in the other C/C books, Christopher Chant, and I think it’s my favorite.  I haven’t read Conrad’s Fate yet, though, one of the few books I have left of hers untouched.  I checked out House of Many Ways on audiobook; I’m looking forward to reading it at work.

Mostly when you read fantasy books for kids, you’re reading about kids who have been dragged into situations beyond their control by the Adults and who have to find a solution to all the screwed-up problems the Adults have left for them.  I chalk this up to wish-fulfillment on the part of the authors, both wishing they could have done something meaningful, as kids, rather than getting jerked around all those years, and wishing, as Adults, they could just hand problems down to the next generation.  I’m no better; the young adult stuff I’ve written is the same:  somebody handed you this world, you didn’t make it.

I’m going to have to rethink.

The adults in this book are the pettiest, nastiest, scummiest liars you’ll ever meet.  Some of them, you’ll find out the reason why and forgive them for it; some of them, you’ll find out the reason why and not give a damn.  But, honestly, Christopher isn’t much better.  Really, he’d just rather not know what he’s doing or why, and ends up doing things he’ll regret for the rest of his life.  He didn’t make the world, but he sure didn’t make it any better until after he pulled his head out of his bum.

You have to respect that, a writer telling her readers to stop running around saying “O woe is me” and clean up the mess you’ve been strewing around.  You can’t save the world until you clean up your act, mister.  And DWJ makes you like it.

Book 1 of the Chronicles of Chrestomanci, by Diana Wynne Jones (1977).  When people say, “If you like Harry Potter, then you should read Diana Wynne Jones,” these are the books you should probably start with.

I don’t remember Diana Wynne Jones books being around when I was a kid.  I’m pretty sure I would have found them in the library, if they had been.

Too bad.

The kids’ books that I read as a kid treated Adulthood as a separate sort of country, a faraway place that everyone journeys to, after a lifetime of being miserable and/or having adventure in the land of Childhood.  See Narnia.  And then there was the kind of book that treated Fantasy as a separate sort of country, and you could never go there.  See Tolkein.

I always felt worse after finishing the second kind of book.

One of the good things about DWJ is that she makes you feel as though there never were such countries, or rather, there always were such countries, and you’ve always lived there and didn’t know it.  The adults are petty and childish, even the nice ones, and you can almost imagine what they were like when they were children, rotten.  The magic doesn’t so much “have its price” as fit into the natural scheme of things so thoroughly that characters treat the rules of it like they treat any kind of common knowledge.  –Magic isn’t all that.  It isn’t a country that you go to and come back from, it’s a variation on what exists, right in front of you.

For example.

The main character in Charmed Life is Cat, who has no magic and is living in the shadow of his horrible older sister.  She’s the brilliant one, vain and mean, and Cat can’t do a thing without her.  Their parents drown in a ferry accident, and the two children are cared for by a low-life hedge witch who lived in the apartment below them.  She ends up selling the few precious things the kids have to pay for magic lessons for the older sister, who is taught be a mean-spirited Necromancer.

It’s the kind of thing you’d almost expect from Frances Hodgson Burnett, not a fantasy writer.  All kinds of things happen, and Cat and his sister end up in Chrestomanci Castle, the home of the Ministry-employed enchanter employed to manage the magic in that version of England, and Cat slowly acquires a life of his own, not coincidentally pulling away from his sister at the same time.

I picked this up and re-read it after finishing Fire and Hemlock.  I couldn’t remember which book was which, and I was happy to find this was the Cat book, the book about the poor dumb kid who’s lost everything, has been told he’s a talentless fool his whole life, and acts like a jerk because of it.  But manages to pull himself together.  I can’t help thinking that if I were his older sister, I would have been proud of him, not treated him like dirt.  I’m a sap that way.

  • Time to put my evil Ice Queen hat on. Winter & Depression: http://blog.deannaknippling.com/?p=1950 #
  • Dipsomania: An insatiable, periodic craving for alcohol. http://wordsmith.org/awad. #
  • Yes! One of the Picnic Basket cooking classes will have knife sharpening! http://foodie.deannaknippling.com/?p=2004 #
  • @Three_Star_Dave I, for one, don't love you any less for not getting a Christmas card. in reply to Three_Star_Dave #
  • The GOP has become politically correct. It's just a different flavor: agree with the GOP party line or out you go! #
  • @Three_Star_Dave Oh, don't THANK me for being annoying. in reply to Three_Star_Dave #
  • Don't drink the koolaid. You won't get any kooler. #
  • Wait wait wait. I'm already in trouble today. Don't drink the koolaid. You won't get any kooler #gopispc #demsputpantsononejelloatatime #
  • Ooh, Nosh says they're closed Jan 1-10. #
  • @elizawhat People aren't very wise. We're afraid of being disrupted. "Can't put supper on the table, X needs me. Again." in reply to elizawhat #
  • @elizawhat Not having either, I can say that nose piercing has always struck me as sexy, despite the whole booger thing. in reply to elizawhat #
  • Changed mind. Not getting a Droid, the keyboard sucks. Still want an android smartphone. What to do, what to do. Any recommends? #
  • @doycet Really? Or is the N-1 just a rumor? I haven't seen anything solid. in reply to doycet #
  • Tiger tea! #
  • Yay! Lee got me A Rose for Iconoclastes. #
  • @ianthealy Hey, is a medieval Wii called a Thou? in reply to ianthealy #
  • via @DaphneUn A WoW version of Single Ladies – All the Ninja Raiders Woa o o! http://bit.ly/6UY7mJ #
  • @doycet Muchas gracias N-1 article. in reply to doycet #
  • @Three_Star_Dave People cluster at chokepoints because, due to increased humanity/ft2, they run into each other more often. in reply to Three_Star_Dave #
  • Good Christmas. Lee bookshelf=very nice. Wobbly due to eccentric foot arrangement, which he promises he will remove. #
  • Still working on the Chocolate Story. I intended to put myself in a corner in this chapter, but midway thru, I'm in the wrong corner. #
  • Ate too much. Good news! I think I have the shrimp bisque recipe down. #
  • Food blogging after I beat my head against the wall of the chocolate story for a while. #
  • @Three_Star_Dave Yah. Or the designers, saying, "Nobody's stupid enough to stop in a CHOKE POINT, fer goshsakes. in reply to Three_Star_Dave #
  • @Three_Star_Dave Sayonara! in reply to Three_Star_Dave #
  • The office is more or less set up now. I do want a new guest bed, but that'll have to wait. #
  • Or at least very excited. RT @davisac1 I have dark chocolate espresso cups. This afternoon promises to be very exciting. #
  • Done: Part 6 Choco Story. "Imogen would jump off a cliff wearing a pair of wax wings if she thought the design was good enough." #
  • Now I am well an truly backed into a corner: How to break the world's rules I made myself, without cheating? #
  • @pop40 There's only one of me, how can there be crowds? in reply to pop40 #
  • Motivational books make me feel motivated. #
  • Book Orgy: Bubble bath, food, drink, notebook and pen, books (pl.). #
  • I think I like Buddhism because it helps me reconcile opposing impulses, like "saving money" and "spending all my money on books." #
  • Book koan: First, read all your books. #
  • @wilw If Sherlock Holmes and Chuck Norris fought, WHO WOULD WIN?!? in reply to wilw #
  • The super-duper automatically post links to Twitter from WordPress experiment did not work. #
  • New Blog Post – Book Review: Shadows over Baker Street http://blog.deannaknippling.com/?p=1958 #
  • @BarelyKnit Your website is like naughty Zen today. Like :) in reply to BarelyKnit #
  • Food Bliss: Smoky Shrimp Bisque http://foodie.deannaknippling.com/?p=2012 #
  • This one didn't link either: Geek Christmas Menu http://foodie.deannaknippling.com/?p=2006 #
  • @BarelyKnit Tumblr, and yes, "naughty Zen" seems to be a fairly consistent description. in reply to BarelyKnit #
  • @DaphneUn Poor bebe. in reply to DaphneUn #
  • Duck, dandelion greens, and Devon blue cheez RT@averagebetty Who else has an order? If an omelette was named after you, what would be in it? #
  • I may have the blog crossposty fixed. Probably won't show up until tomorrow, tho. #
  • Blog Post – Book Review: The Atrocity Archives http://blog.deannaknippling.com/?p=1960 #
  • Now! With link :) #
  • Blog Post – Recipe: Pork Loin with Spicy Mushroom Sauce http://foodie.deannaknippling.com/?p=2015 #
  • I MIGHT have the posty ish fixed, but till tomorrow: New Blog Post – Book Review: Fire and Hemlock http://blog.deannaknippling.com/?p=1968 #
  • Go read @ChuckWendig for today: The only way you should talk about writing is if you’re actually writing. http://terribleminds.com/ramble/ #
  • @ianthealy 10 years ago you didn't know you were a writer? HOLY COW. Talk about coming a long way, baby :) in reply to ianthealy #
  • @ChuckWendig Writing. Thank YOU. in reply to ChuckWendig #
  • Done: Part 7/8 Choco story "I don't like living on the edge. I like paperwork. Detailed notes. Handling data requests. Going home at night." #
  • Sent out next 5 queries for Alien Blue. Not quite so heart-stopping as last time. #
  • @doycet Knife sharpening: COS caterer, Picnic Basket, is having a class in Feb. Will let you know date when I do. in reply to doycet #
  • Rejections keep on coming in. Rejected 5/11. #
  • @lablib Book review request – The Bridge of Birds, by Barry Hughart. in reply to lablib #
  • @ianthealy You don't want to contribute to the SF/F sections. You want to DOMINATE them. Why else write so much? in reply to ianthealy #
  • Ray lost a tooth today. And she has another one that hanging on by threads. Dude. They weren't even wiggly yesterday. Pop! #
  • @lablib One of my favorite books; in the context of Princess Bride, Neil Gaiman, and Terry Pratchett reviews, I want to see what you say. in reply to lablib #
  • Fascinating knife-sharpening/selection article: http://forums.egullet.org/index.php?/topic/26036-knife-maintenance-and-sharpening/ #
  • Working on part 8 of the Chocolate Story. Ironically, I am In A Hurry to get to the dreaded revisions. #
  • I suck at labeling. I like the kinetic experience of dumping x into y buckets. Moving a mouse is more satisfying than typing a label. #
  • …she said, considering the amount of effort involved in correctly labeling, um, almost 8 years of blog posts. #
  • No! No more distractions! Write now! The lover is on the other side of a Schwartschild radius, and Dorothy is @#$%^& sick of Oz! #
  • Done: Part 8 Choco Story "The technicians in the gravity division treated her almost like a Goddess and begged for her secrets." #

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Here’s the length/naming convention guide from the SFWA:

  • Novel — 40,000 words or more
  • Novella — 17,500–39,999 words
  • Novelette — 7,500–17,499 words
  • Short Story — 7,499 words or fewer

I have finished the first draft of my Chocolate Story novella, which is just over 20K.

The end bugs me, because it’s cheesy, and cheesiness becomes an anathema to me every time I put myself in the main character’s head.  Anything with a whiff of the sentimental is immediately suspect.  But it’s good for her, so I’ll leave it (more or less) alone.

I’m not sure how to make anyone else as excited about this story as I am.  Or, really, as I will be as soon as I get over the “I’m done leave me alone aaaaauuuuggghh!” feeling that is the end of a first draft.

While it’s not the deepest, most challenging thing I’ve ever written, it’s one of the most fun.  Please don’t take the “science” seriously.  IT’S  A PULP SCIENCE FICTION STORY ABOUT HOW ONE WOMAN HAD TO CHOOSE BETWEEN SCIENTIFIC PROGRESS AND STABBING AN IN-LAW IN THE BACK!

Close call; he’s a real asshole who tried to seduce her and stole her invention…at his wedding.

The chocolate takes a significant role, but not as big as I thought it would.  By the end of the story, it’s the most precious stuff in existence, though, which should be good enough for anybody.

I’m trying to learn how to take better pictures.

If you’ve known me for more than a month, you probably know that I get on wild hares to learn new things.  In fact, I go a little crazy if I don’t learn something new…about once a month or so.  These things don’t always turn out the way I plan.  For example, my plan to learn enough about computers to get my A+ cert doesn’t seem to be working out, because I have to prioritize other things I need to know.

I haven’t given up.  I still sit down and study when I get a chance (mostly at work, because they have these nifty online training courses that look at things from a different perspective than my study book), and I enjoy the hell out of it.  And I really, really appreciate knowing what I have learned, because I’m not as helpless as I was mere months ago.

I also haven’t given up on my plan to learn how to make hard cider.  However, I live in a bad house for it.  The one place I could conceivably make cider without pissing Lee off is the laundry room, which approaches near-freezing temperatures on a daily basis.  And I need a convenient source for unpasturized cider.  Again, not giving up, just reconsidering.  There is a recipe for a quick & dirty apple cider that I’ve been spying (it only takes a few days, and I can chuck it if it gets unbearable.)  I just have to get used to the idea, I think.  I often have to get used to the idea of a thing before I can embark on it.

Right now, I’m working on digital photography.  We have a digital camera that we bought after Ray was born, so about seven years ago.  It’s a  2-megapixel camera, which is laughable by today’s standards, but it’s lasted us SEVEN YEARS, so take that, scoffers.  I used to like taking pictures a lot when I was a kid, but I never got any good at it (and never really tried to get any good at it, tell the truth).  Now, in the name of taking pictures for my food blog, etc., I’ve been pushing myself to learn more about how to take pictures.

The f-stop is still kicking my butt.  I have to re-review that section every few days in the hope that it’ll make slightly more sense every time.  But I’m really enjoying posting pictures up on Facebook, even if they are pretty bad.  However, one of the unintended consequences of learning about computers is the perspective that it’s okay to crash and burn, as long as you pay attention while you’re doing it.  Things are never going to work out the way they’re supposed to; in fact, things are more interesting when they don’t work out the way you think they will.  See?  Computers are awesome.

13 Dec 09 015

An interesting but terrible photo, taken at a dance recital.

13 Dec 09 007

And another.  I have no idea how I did this.

I won’t catch everyone.  It’s just not possible.

Thank you to Lee – your patience has seen me through more than just any trouble with our marriage, it’s seen me through days when I can’t believe in myself or anybody else.  Your sarcasm has seen me through everything else.

To Ray – you have a bigger heart than anyone I know.  Thank you for forgiving me and loving me and teaching me how to grow again.

To my parents for providing the sanity of Grandparent Camp last summer and for saying kind things those days.  I can’t wait to see the new house.

To my sibs and their significant others for hanging out with me and yowling, beating, and whacking our way through Rock Band.  For keeping me company online when you couldn’t do it in person – electrons filled with love.

To Ian, who has been keeping me from second-guessing myself on my novel.

To Kate, who boosted me up through my query letter and sent recommendations.

To Doyce, for arguing and ongoing debates above and beyond the call of duty.

To Eric and Richard, for fearless, more-or-less tactless critiquing.  See?  I’m getting better.

To PPW, for support, camaraderie, and patience.  To everyone I met at last year’s conference, especially Maleesha and Julie, for bad jokes, community, and the sense that I’m not Alone, not by a long shot.

To all the authors of books I’ve read or re-read this year:  thanks for keeping me a little bit saner.

To Ann and Margie, who talk foodie with me.

To Jackie, for being an inspiration of stubbornness and directness.  I don’t have to keep my mouth shut, do I?

To Randy, for being just as endlessly fascinated with EVERYTHING as I am.

To Stan, who is a little bit too much like me but lets me be the pretty one.

To Dave, for smiling at me with an almost unconditional affection every time he sees me.

To Ray’s teacher, Mrs. Amos, who makes Ray come home saying things like, “You can’t just guess, Mom.  First  you have to think.”  And to Ray’s karate teachers at Jay Haynes Karate Center for being patient with her nearly-insane level of excitement.

To everybody up in GT, for becoming a little bit like a family, bad jokes and temper tantrums included.  What color is off, anyway?

To everybody who’s pissed me off or made me smile over the last year – thanks for keeping me awake and alive.

I needed it.

…everyone must read (The Guardian, U.K.)

I’ve been looking for a reading project lately.

I don’t think I can read 1000 novels a year. I mean, I could, if I didn’t have to do anything else. Also, I can pull out the ones I’ve read already, which should take care of about half.

And if I limit it to the SF/F List, it’s only about 150.  Maybe if I just pick a book a month off that list.

A big thank you to Anu Garg, the only vocabulary website with insight into the human condition.

A.Word.A.Day
with Anu Garg

A Happy New Year to all the readers
from all of us at Wordsmith.org
meticulous

PRONUNCIATION:
(muh-TIK-yuh-luhs)

MEANING:
adjective: Extremely careful, precise, or thorough.

ETYMOLOGY:
From Latin meticulosus (fearful), from metus (fear). Originally the term meant one who was fearful and eventually it acquired a positive sense.

USAGE:
“It was a movement that required the meticulous precision of a master surgeon.”
George Pelletier; A Christmas Story in Two Parts Eggnog; Nashua Telegraph (New Hampshire); Dec 24, 2009.

Explore “meticulous” in the Visual Thesaurus.

A THOUGHT FOR TODAY:
When love is not madness, it is not love. -Pedro Calderon de la Barca, poet and dramatist (1600-1681)

by Diana Wynne Jones.

A modern YA retelling of the Tam Lin and Thomas the Rhymer legends.  Recommended for YA fantasy fans.  Spoilers follow.

DWJ is one of the great YA writers.  She writes stuff that takes complicated family situations that would make most people go mental, and makes them comprehensible to teens.  In F&H, the main character’s (Polly’s) family is breaking up.  The father’s sleeping around and the mother’s so self-centered she blames her daughter for the failure of her marriage.  The father moves in with his mistress, completely ignoring Polly, and fails to share anything with the woman.  The mother kicks Polly out of her room so they can rent a room, then falls in love with the first boarder, who she subsequently pushes away for not being good enough, again blaming Polly.  It’s not just.  Polly is shoved around until finally she’s left homeless, because her parents are such assholes.

But it’s not a depressing book.

Polly meets a stranger, Tom Lynne, who can’t spell but is one of the best cello players in England.  Their friendship, and the help of her grandmother, sustain Polly until she’s old enough to break away from her parents.  Meanwhile, Tom Lynne will be sacrificed by the fairy queen – over and over again, she sacrifices one lover’s life to extend the life of another, or herself.  (The parallels between the fairy queen and Polly’s mom are there but subtle and didn’t hit me until after I put down the book.)

If you were calling the end of the book, you’d say that Polly uses what she learns from fighting the fairy queen to help resolve issues with her mother, but that’s just not the case.  It’s the reverse, if anything.

I think I have read almost everything of DWJ’s.  Maybe?  Some of her stuff I really like (Howl’s Moving Castle).  Some of her stuff is okay, but not something I have to keep around the house in case I need to read it at a moment’s notice (Eight Days of Luke).  I mean, I’ll probably reread it, but I don’t turn to it when I’m having a bad day or anything.  F&H is a keeper.

by Gene Wolfe.

This is how the world ends, not with a bang, but with a recursive whimper.  “Somebody tell me what that was all about.”

I’ve been reading trying to keep up with the Gene Wolfe Solar Cycle Book Club for the last year.  RTTW was the last book.  I put it down and said, “I feel like I missed something.”  To the Internet!  Ten minutes later, my head hurt.  The Neighbors were what?  The narrator was who?  Those two slaves in the basement were…really?  When did she die?

But I didn’t go into the books thinking it was going to be easy.  I’d read the first two books and was completely lost, but liked them.  So when someone (on Tor.com?) mentioned the start of the book club, I jumped in.  Finally, a chance to find out WTF was going on.

Normally, I have a low tolerance for WTF mysteries.  That is, I like them, but I tire of most of them quickly, because they’re essentially boring.  Alias, Lost – that kind of thing – meh.  A couple of episodes, and I can tell the ending isn’t going to pay off.  Things are just going to get more and more complex, until the effort to track down what’s going on is going to totally outweigh the ending, which I can guess at already.  (I’m not very good at figuring out whodunnits.  I’m pretty good at figuring out WTF mysteries, because I am the Theme Master, and WTFs often rely on theme.)

But the Gene Wolfe books are pretty impressive, because the core of the WTF mystery isn’t something he hides, really.  The world is more complicated than we know, than we can know, and a creator is behind all of it.  There are so many coincidences and loops in time and place and character that you’re not sure who is whom by the time you’re done.  Narrators lie or misreport, and you only find out about it books and books later.  You meet old friends and don’t recognize them, because the narrator has changed.  Vocabulary is a problem.  Dialect is a problem.  Timelines are a problem.  Hidden clues are a big problem.  And who is the narrator, anyway?  Everything is a problem…

Why would you subject yourself to this kind of thing?

I did it for fun.  I like mysteries, and I like to be around people who are smarter than I am.  I like to read Agatha Christie  for whodunnits, and I like to read Gene Wolfe for WTF.

by Charles Stross.

I highly recommend this for anyone who likes Cthulu and who has ever worked in a cube farm.

So there’s this guy who knows more about computer programming than he should.  When he accidentally writes an algorithm that threatens to destroy his neighborhood, a division of the British Intelligence rips him out of his old life and forces him to take a menial sys admin job for them for the rest of his life  – or death!  (Tough choice.)  The guy manages to use his love of programming and dark magic to earn himself a tough, adventurous job as an agent for the division.

There are two stories in the book, the novel-length “Atrocity Archives” and the novella “The Concrete Jungle.”

The stories start out with depressing verisimilitude, with a bad supervisor who makes the guy’s life miserable, stupid users, and getting written up for coming in late to a meeting after an all-nighter.  The guy’s home life, with two ubergeek roommates and a psycho on-off girlfriend, is a mess.  As the story progresses, our guy transforms himself into a hero, gets a new girlfriend, gets promoted and [SPOILER] ends up having to kill his supervisor, who is attempting to destroy the world!!!11!!

Not terribly realistic.  But deeply satisfying.  Geed FTW.

edited by Michael Reaves and John Pelan. Featuring short stories by Neil Gaiman, Poppy Z Brite, Brian Stableford, Elizabeth Bear, and Caitlin R. Kiernan. Pub 2003, if you must know; I happened to read it in a timely manner with the new Sherlock Holmes movie coming out.

The premise of this book is Sherlock Holmes meets HP Lovecraft. If you like both, read no more – just order the book.

What if the world were a mystery, and not just a “whodunnit” mystery? What if the world were a WTF* mystery, with dark gods and awful things from other dimensions? Would Sherlock Holmes refuse to acknowledge them? Pfft. And you have to know Mycroft has been dealing with this stuff from the get-go.

Only one of the stories was less than memorable. Neil Gaiman’s story (”A Study in Emerald”) was about the royal families of Europe, which have been replaced with interbreeding Elder Gods; Elizabeth Bear’s story (”Tiger! Tiger!”) was a Rudyard Kipling pastiche with Irene Adler; Simon Clark’s story (”A Nightmare in Wax”) explores Moriarty’s true criminal purpose.

Sherlock Holmes first appeared in 1890 and ran until 1927. HP Lovecraft first started publishing in 1905, and didn’t start publishing the Cthulu mythos stories until 1925. (Einstein published his theory of Special Relativity in 1905.)

Coincidence?  I think not.  Also, perhaps the director will raid some of these stories for a SH sequel.

*What the Fuck – as in, “WTF is going on here, anyway?” See Gene Wolfe for numerous examples.

I’m going to work on a bunch of blog posts this morning, then try to queue them up and have them publish themselves automatically throughout the week, because the wonders of clicking stuff and having it do stuff in a only semi-chaotic fashion makes my ovaries twirl.

A.Word.A.Day
with Anu Garg

onomatomania

PRONUNCIATION:
(on-uh-mat-uh-MAY-nee-uh)

MEANING:
noun: An obsession with particular words or names and desire to recall or repeat them.

ETYMOLOGY:
Via Latin, from Greek onoma (name) + -mania (excessive enthusiasm or craze).

USAGE:
“Every time Ammon Shea came across an interesting word, he jotted it down, desperate to avoid onomatomania.”
Nicole Martin; The Last Word; The Daily Telegraph (London, UK); Oct 4, 2008.

Welcome to winter, that season of darkness, cold, and depression.

Last year, I didn’t have any problems – it was so warm and sunny all winter, I barely noticed it.  This year has been darker and colder, and the inability to reach beyond the present moment already hit me with the lack of sunshine.

This year has seen more stress than last year, too – I recently got a new position at work that meant leaving my former group.  I miss them every day.  (Of course, I visit them almost every day, too.)  I just sent a novel out; I’m getting more serious about selling my writing and therefore under more pressure not to fail.  I lost two cousins within a month, kids of people I grew up with.  It seemed like fall was one big sinus infection, sapping my energy.  I rested less, went out more with friends, which was good, but still draining.

When the depression hit last week, it didn’t really come as a surprise.  I took a weekend off, slept in, spent time actually paying attention to Lee and Ray, worked out – and it helped.  Then it hit again yesterday, harder than it has in a long time.  I felt like I couldn’t stand up straight, the world was so heavy.  I read a book all night, and that helped pass the time, but I didn’t feel any better.  I kept asking myself, “What’s wrong?  Why now, when I’ve had such a long streak without walking around like a cow stunned by the slaughterhouse hammer?  What made me do this?”

I never did get any sure answer.  I felt like the most worthless creature on the planet for an evening.  And then I went to bed and woke up and felt better.  A mystery.  Was is the weather?  Too much stress?  Worry?  Do I need to change something in my life?  Reconsider something?  A combination of things?  I don’t know.  I just know it gets worse when there’s no sun, and I hate walking into rooms in the afternoon, because the dimness makes my stomach flop.

I’m glad I don’t have to spend years on end depressed anymore (high school).  I’m glad for Lee, who understands (even when it worries him).  I’m glad I figured out tricks to help, everything from turning on all the lights to working out to cooking (which forces you to feel better so you don’t ruin the taste).  And I’ll be especially glad if I can make through this winter without any “helpful advice,” that is, people telling me all kinds of easy remedies that will magically make it all better, everything from drugs to just…forcing myself not to be depressed.

And I’ll put my evil Ice Queen hat on for a few months, because sarcasm is a very good medicine for depression indeed.

  • @ianthealy Of course it's a brilliant idea. in reply to ianthealy #
  • Rejected 4/6 on the novel, Alien Blue. #
  • Ding ding ding! Grats! RT@ChuckWendig Hey! Holy crap, press release. (Big Awesome News over at #terribleminds!) http://tinyurl.com/y8fkxkz #
  • I'm learning to love my writer's block: http://blog.deannaknippling.com/?p=1941 #
  • My condolences. RT@elizawhat I just realized [...] that I have less and less in common with the people who were once my friends. #
  • Finished the last of Gene Wolfe's Solar Cycle Books. WTF, he pulled it off. #
  • Ray says she's an om-nom-i-vore. #
  • @ianthealy Rejections = form. in reply to ianthealy #
  • @ianthealy Form rejections = frowny face on Query Tracker. Thanks for the advice on using it, BTW. in reply to ianthealy #
  • I am NOT going to the Write Brain tonight: Writer's Block appears to be OVER! #
  • Done: Part 4/8 Choco story. "'Why aren't we running this from the forward cabin where there are seats?' Zady just grinned." #
  • Also: Just pulled two ginger-pecan pies out of the oven. Will the experiment work!?! #
  • The ginger-pecan pie was good, but it never did set in the middle. I wonder why. #
  • @Three_Star_Dave My regular pecan pie with candied 1/2c candied ginger chunks. Not as sharp-tasting as I hoped. Add lemon peel? in reply to Three_Star_Dave #
  • I join the "what is MOOOOOOOD" conversation. What's mood, how to do it, what it's good for: blog.deannaknippling.com/?p=1944 #
  • Unstuck on chocolate story. Time to write! #
  • Blah. Hit by the sick truck. Up from nap. #
  • It must be a cold or sinus infection – I just saw a recipe for steak taquitos and started drooling. #
  • I am the Super Guest Star over at @ianthealy's blog: http://www.ianthealy.com/main/node/66 In which I try to get all Zen about revision. #
  • @amoir Confederacy of Dunces – I know, the ending was painful, knowing what happened to the author. #
  • Dude. I want to write murder mystery games for smartphones. http://www.bendroid.com/mystique_foetus.html #
  • Halfway through Part 5 of Chocolate Story. Hm…which would be "Seaclaid" in Irish Gaelic. #
  • Ray and I went to see Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs at the cheap theater. Good farce. I saw a sarlacc :) #
  • @Three_Star_Dave Maybe that's why the ginger pie didn't set – too much extra white sugar vs. egg ratiol in reply to Three_Star_Dave #
  • @Three_Star_Dave I think steeping raw ginger in the honey/corn syrup will be the next step. in reply to Three_Star_Dave #
  • Done: Part 5. Except I forgot to tie the story back to the flavor of chocolate, dammit. #
  • Done: Part 5 Choco Story. "Zady put her hand over Aoife's mouth. 'It's probably going to give me cancer if it doesn't kill us all.'" #
  • Eggnog ice cream: success! Rum raisin eggnog ice cream: super success! #
  • Now drinking a grapefruit-lavender "martini." My mouth says wuahlaa. #
  • Okay, the grapefruit syrup was just too much in that lavender martini. #

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I am a Super Guest Star over at Ian’s blog, talking about learning to love revision.

Chuck over at Terrible Minds was writing about mood the other day, and it made something click.  Mood is how the narrator feels about the story.

Not the author (although that’s often the case; see the ouvre of Robert Heinlein).

The idea really only makes sense to me now that I’ve beaten myself up over rewriting Alien Blue.  The POV switches from first person (Bill) to third person in the frame story, and the frame story narrator bored me to tears.  Bill’s a great narrator; he jokes around, pulls your leg, tells outright lies, leaves things out, and switches from despair to bad puns and back again.

I wrote, well, I wrote something on the note I don’t care to repeat, the kind of thing that ought not to be repeated to ladies and wasn’t that funny anyway, and handed it to Miss Dewey. “Sam should be at the bar by now,” I said. “Why don’t you give him a call and have him brew up some coffee for these folks? It might improve their temperament.”

Here are what I think are the elements of mood here:  Bill won’t tell the dirty joke to his audience (a woman), but he will share it with Miss Dewey, who reads the note.  Bill is in the middle of hornswaggling some people, and switches to a redneck speech pattern.  Bill’s remembering this moment with fondness, both for Miss Dewey and for his own cleverness.

The third-person narrator in the frame story started out as just me, flailing around.  Then I realized there was one character common to all the scenes (Mimi).  I used her voice to color but not control the scene – it’s as if she were telling the story but referring to herself in third person.  She’s not as great a narrator; she’s too observant, too unemotional, and too willing to not jump to conclusions.  And Bill’s POV is still coloring the scenes.

Bill said, “God damn it” and beelined over to the man, jerking him upright and hissing angrily at him. The man, whose filthy, ragged shirt and pants were smeared with either wood stain or blood, grabbed Bill’s arm hard. Bill sagged at the knees, wincing, and the man had to hold him steady. Bill passed a hand over his heart and shook his head, then pointed the man toward a side door. The man slumped away, almost tripping over his own feet, pulling himself along table by table.

Mood:  Mimi isn’t as experienced a storyteller as Bill; she’ll tell instead of show.  She’ll use adverbs.  She doesn’t know whether the goop on the guy’s clothes is blood or wood stain and is unwilling to judge until she finds out for sure (although where or why the guy would have been in contact with wood stain is anybody’s guess).  She sees action, not emotion, and doesn’t react as much to what’s happening, even though what happens here surely upsets her.  At this point in the story, she’s at her limit.  Her sense of humor has been sucked out of her (not that the reader can know this, at this point, but the reader will find this out later).  All she has left are the facts, with which she’s trying to figure out what Bill’s up to.

So what’s the difference between POV and mood?  Here’s Bill again:

I was upstairs in my bachelor pad sleeping off the celebration for passing my inspection when the phone rang down in the bar. I didn’t stay awake for more than a few seconds, just glanced at the clock and yelled at the drunks to go to bed. The next time the phone rang, I was having this dream about knocking the inspector on the floor and making him eat fruitcake, so I ignored the noise and went back to sleep, smiling.

My guess is the narrator depends on the POV and mood depends on POV, so POV and description are like a hurricane and flooding, like a blizzard and frostbite.

Mood is a great tool for foreshadowing, too.  Here’s Bill’s next paragraph:

The next time the phone rang, I wasn’t smiling, because the inspector had turned into a zombie after I fed him the fruitcake. And when I went back to sleep, I dreamed the inspector’s fat zombie wife was chasing me with a hook on a rope, and I was up a tree. The phone rang again, and I’d fallen into a river, but the zombies had floated down after me. I bet you didn’t know zombies float.

Fruitcake is no good for you, by the way.

I didn’t write this section because I needed a way to show what the story was going to be like (foreshadowing), but it worked out that way.  I actually had that dream (sans fruitcake), and it sounded like exactly the kind of thing Bill would dream about (but with the fruitcake).  Also, I wanted to show Bill not getting out of bed when the phone rang.  That’s what answering machines are for, right?  I know you’re not supposed to start out a story with a dream.  You’re also not supposed to put a story in a bar.  And there are any number of other “rules” I broke, okay?

Bill knows how the story is going to go.  And, at this point in the story, he wants to tell the story, knows it’s unbelievable, knows his audience has to sit there and listen, yet wants to impress her.  So he’s trying to make her laugh, trying to set her up for just how strange this is.  He knows who is audience is and wants specific things from her, wants the story to do specific things to her.  And he’s determined to push through the situation, live or die, until he can’t go any further.  (I’m a sap for perseverance.)

By the end of the story, his attitude has changed a little; he’s drawn strength from telling the story and is comforted that everything he’s done won’t just disappear, even if what he’s planning doesn’t work.

The lines went on and on, and we were down to champagne glasses and coffee mugs. Mel wove through the crowds and picked up what empties she could find and ran them through the sink. In the end, I had to send a couple of people over to the courthouse to pick up styrofoam cups, two per customer. But we made it.

Mimi, too, has changed by the end of the story.

The heat held through September into October, with day after day of 90-degree heat. Already-dead grass turned gray. The wind ripped like a blizzard across the gullies and brush, calling up dust devils and making people wince every time they went outside. The fire department volunteers froze every time the phone rang.

She’s done.  She doesn’t know what’s happened, but she feels overwhelmed by failure nonetheless.  She’s doing the wrong thing.  But she isn’t limited to what she’s seeing, moment by moment.  She uses metaphor instead of adverbs.  (I didn’t do this on purpose; I just tried to see things from her POV.)

Mimi’s attitude changes again, but I couldn’t find anything that didn’t give away the plot.  That’s right – just the feel of the description, the mood, gave away how things were going to go.

In conclusion – mood comes from the narrator, and how the narrator feels about the story, which the narrator communicates via what the narrator notices and doesn’t notice.  Two people seeing the same scene report it differently; how they report the scene is the POV, which is made up of the narrator’s mood coloring or flavoring and even selecting the events reported.  Mood can change or not throughout the story, depending on whether the narrator’s feelings about the story change.  In the end, mood is the narrator telling the audience how to feel about the story.

Writer’s block.

Hm…yeah.

I am currently experiencing a bad case of writer’s block over The Chocolate Story (working title), which I am writing to give as a Christmas present.  So no time crunch there or anything.

I had a plan.  I followed the plan for two perfect sections…and then, Part 3.

Part 3 did not go as planned and in fact went so far off the plan that the rest of the Parts aren’t going to go according to plan, either.  Except, as far as the big picture goes, what I wrote in Part 3 serves the same purpose as what I planned to write.

I just couldn’t write what I planned to write.

For example, I’d planned to write a scene where two female characters fail to get along so epically that they pushed the story where I wanted it to go.  Instead, they snipped a little at each other, and, both being pretty intelligent, let it go.

I could have rewritten the scene to force the story to follow the plan, but I kind of liked them that way.  And then, after I agreed they could get along, they didn’t; they had a flaming row that ended in tears and bewilderment.  But I liked that too; I’m a big fan of irony.

Had I forced myself through the block, I wouldn’t have written a scene that I like as much as I like this one.

Listen–wait–wait, you have to listen–

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I started drafting a new project today, a novellette in eight parts that I’m calling “The Chocolate Story” as a working title. I’m making it so each part can be folded around a chocolate bar and wrapped, and I’m going to send them out for Christmas presents.

The chocolate is from Dagoba Chocolate,who make some of my favorite chocolate bars.

Here’s the lineup:

1.  Lavender Blueberry – The Ghost

2.  Chai – Traveling the Stars

3.  Conacado – On the Good Ship Conacado Revolucion

4.  Eclipse – Complications Ensue

5.  Prima Materia – The Primal Material

6. Roseberry – Falling in Love

7. Xocolatl – Sacrifice

8.  Hazelnut – That’s It, in a Nutshell

So far, it’s the story of Aoife (EE-fa), who has to choose between avenging the death of her cousin and pissing off her cousin’s scumbag widower, an interstellar chocolate smuggler.  Hanging in the balance is the chance to capture the Prima Materia, original building blocks of the universe, for her own research.

So far, so good.

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Ray and I had a day of adventures with Ann, Larry, Robin, and Robin’s daughter Ridley, who is (I think) five.

Started out with a production of The Hobbit by the Academy of Children’s Theater. The acting was pretty good (in the case of the actress who played the Golem, pure delight), the sets were fun, but the costumes were fantastic! The adaptation had its problems, most of which sent me into waves of giggles. Unfortunately, I forgot the camera in the car and got 0 pictures.

After lunch, we all went swimming at the Aquatics and Fitness Center, which, due to funding issues (@#$%^& cheapskate voters) is closing on December 12th. I talked to the guy at the desk, and he said that none of the swimming pools had received funding for next year, either, so we may not have any pools next year. At all. Those freakin’ liberal swimming pools, always trying to beat down the common man by taking all his money! I think we all had a lot of fun, but I had moments of sadness, floating and staring out the big windows at the snow-covered mountains, knowing it was the last time I’d be there. Ray had all her swimming lessons there. A good place.

Ray and I went downtown to find parking for the Parade of Lights, then wandered around, looking for (of all things) ice cream, finding it at Josh & John’s. Unfortunately, they didn’t have snake-ice cream coloring sheets out, so we didn’t get to color. We hung around the south tower on Tejon, waiting for the others to show up. The joys of not having a cell phone are sometimes offset by the worry of “Where the heck are the people I’m supposed to meet?” Not often, but there you go. It was cold. Not as cold as the day before, but cold. Ray and I lasted about forty minutes, then fled inside the building and warmed up, watching the rest of the parade through the entry doors. I got lots of pictures – but most of them are streaked with light. Pretty, if not terribly clear what you’re looking at.

We met Ann and Larry at Nosh – it turned out Ridley didn’t feel well enough to be out in the freezing cold for an hour, and Robin stayed at Ann’s place to take care of her. Ray was bored out of her mind and fell asleep on my lap. The rest of us ate a lot of little bits of really tasty food. Then Ray and I shivered our way home. Amen for seat-warmers in the Bug, but they made Ray fall asleep before we’d made it out of downtown.

Ray, with her typical Ray-ness, announced that it was the best day ever, several times. I’m more analytical, so it would probably take me a couple of hours to try to figure out which, exactly, was the best day ever, and start ranking all the contenders in order, which would be the waste of a good day, so I’ll skip it. There’s a light layer of snow on the ground. I’m going to start the chocolate story today, and there might be a walk to the library and some grocery shopping later. I’m not walking to the grocery store, so don’t even ask. That stuff’s heavy.

  • @doycet Please don't – I have other plans. in reply to doycet #
  • @davisac1 There you go. in reply to davisac1 #
  • Write! Write you're being chased by polar bears and the only thing to stop them is a book club! Literally! #
  • @ChuckWendig WooOOoooOOOOo! Grats! in reply to ChuckWendig #
  • @tafkae Went WENT WENT!!! in reply to tafkae #
  • @doycet Thbbbbt. I ran into the mention of Land's End in AB today – we need to edit that! in reply to doycet #
  • Write! Write like the villain is your ex and is GOING DOWN. #
  • Write! Write like you're a computer and the only way to make it is to bootstrap it, baby. #
  • Write! Write like you're trapping nightmares in the sun. #
  • Done: Chapter 28/32. "Not that Bart wouldn't cheat at chess, but he'd never give a straight answer." #DeNoReWriMo #
  • I am FREAKIN' exhausted with writing today. #
  • @serafinowicz It's a herd of cows, so what's a group of Tweeters? #PSQA in reply to serafinowicz #
  • Muppets do Queen!!! RT @DaphneUn For your holiday happiness: http://fwd4.me/5h7 #
  • Hey @ianthealy RT @serafinowicz "Ian thinks, therefore Ian." – Ian Descartes #
  • You should send me funny stuff today, because today is just a LMAO day. #
  • I declare Chapter 28 un-done, because I was still mad at it. But I Have an Idea, so let's see how tonight goes. #
  • @Three_Star_Dave Grats! in reply to Three_Star_Dave #
  • An R-rated Acorn Squash recipe: RT @ChuckWendig @doycet Let the Stuffing of '09 begin. http://is.gd/52Y3B #
  • It turns out that my grim problem chapter was actually destined to be comic relief. #
  • Okay, NOW I'm done: 28/32. "Knock it off, okay? My mom made me go to judo since I was eight. Also? The safety is still on." #
  • Sad night. My cousin Kori's infant son Thomas passed away earlier today after heart problems. Please send your thoughts toward his family. #
  • I get more out of my daydreams than most people get out of their successes. #
  • @doycet True, true. But, since writing actually helps me reduce nightmares, worry, and stress (other than related to story), it works. in reply to doycet #
  • @DaphneUn I always liked, "Look!" "What?" "Corn!" but that worked better in Minnesota. in reply to DaphneUn #
  • Write! Write like the ones you've lost are, by grace, reading over your shoulder. #
  • I was almost thwarted by a thee-chapter arc, but I thwarted it back! #
  • Also, Garth Nix's Lord Sunday is finally coming out in Feb-Mar 2010. Sheesh. Finally. Did I mention that already? Finally? #
  • Done: Chapter 29/32. "If there's one thing I've learned today, it's a fine line to walk between alien possession and alcohol poisoning." #
  • Gorged on mashed potatoes for lunch. #
  • Done: Chapter 30/32. "The white cat was sitting next to Anam and licking its butt with the contented noise of a well-tuned engine." #
  • And now, for the climactic fight scene. I hate @#$%^&* fight scenes. Why am I doing this to myself? #
  • Let me clarify – I hate WRITING fight scenes. I love reading them. #duh #
  • I am craving the sweet potato fries at Nosh. I think that goes on the cooking list. #
  • Thank you to my family, both at home and elsewhere. You've made me a little crazy, and I like it that way. #
  • @pop40 I mourn your pies. in reply to pop40 #
  • @doycet @daphneun Next thing you know, she's going to mock bluegrass, and it's going to take cupcakes to make me forgive her :P in reply to doycet #
  • Watched Hudson Hawk yesterday for the first time in years. The last great 80s-style farce, a farce of farces. #
  • Farce farce farce…ever have a moment when a word stops meaning anything, because you said it too much? Farce farce farce… #
  • And now! On to the climactic fight scene! Which I have totally replotted! Sorry if I'm late for Thanksgiving! #
  • My head's going to explode, this is working out soooo well. #
  • Gah. I spoke too soon. #
  • YAY! Plot fixed. Turns out the plot was fine, I just needed more beats. #
  • Done: Chapter 31/32. "All right," Bill said. "This is a stickup." #DeNoReWriMo #
  • Time to throw the bread pudding together…. #
  • From the Woot page: "You wanna go to the stores TODAY? Hope you’ve got a decent Armor Class." #
  • @BarelyKnit Why not? That's what all the best books are about. in reply to BarelyKnit #
  • Is this it? Is this it?!? I have to read the last chapter aloud, and then…I'm done? #
  • Hm…the resolution is slightly cheesy due to the last two lines. But I think it can stand. #
  • Done: 32/32. "She was going to find someone to buy her a beer, if nothing else." #DeNoReWriMo is…over! #
  • Except for writing the query. Fun, fun. #
  • Write! Write like you're going to be depressed when it's all over! #
  • Write! Write like people are begging for a sequel! #
  • Write! Write like it doesn't matter how many exclamation points you used, anyway! #
  • Write! Write like a mad scientist, cackling at every lightning strike! #
  • Write! Write like a dog chases balls and sniffs crotches, with no dignity whatsoever! #
  • <—-Eww. #
  • Sorry, that just totally derailed me. #
  • YMMV: Your marbles may vary. #
  • Christmas shopping: Done. Operation Santa Books are ordered. #
  • Welllllll, except for the whole writing-a-brilliant-chocolate-story thing. That may take some extra time. #
  • Help! Please let me know what you think about my query letter at my blog. http://blog.deannaknippling.com/ #
  • @elizawhat #DeNoReWriMo is "De's Novel ReWrite Month." I started out with 92K/32 Chapters. Now down to 84K, and the words make me happy. in reply to elizawhat #
  • @DaphneUn Mwah! Thank you for sending help my way :) in reply to DaphneUn #
  • @doycet If your Docs can't survive a rescue mission, it's REALLY time for new Docs. in reply to doycet #
  • No rest for the wicked. Still too hyped from finishing my book to sleep. Too early to do stuff. Bored bored bored. #
  • Write! Write like there are no showers until after you cross the finish line! #
  • Write! Write like the executioner just asked if you had any last words…and you have A LOT! #
  • From Julia Allen: "Write! Write like dawn is approaching and you're about to burst into flames!" #
  • @elizawhat How am I? I am well. It just has this cybertronic uber-correctness about it. I like it. in reply to elizawhat #
  • Ian (@ianthealy) is begging for blog comments. W/ a Laura Resnick guest post? He deserves them. http://networkedblogs.com/p19259623 #
  • Not only do I feel like my book is my offspring, my mother says she feels like a grandparent. Yay :) #
  • @elizawhat Yuck. I'd rather bawl my eyes out, ask for help, and get it over with. in reply to elizawhat #
  • Shouldn't that be a dog in the sun? Melanin-collie. @DaphneUn Sad dog = melan-collie. #
  • @DaphneUn Too bad you won't drive past Volga. in reply to DaphneUn #
  • @elizawhat I don't understand crying-but-fantastic. But it did make me crack a smile, thinking about trying to pull it off. 2 sec, max. in reply to elizawhat #
  • Write! Write like the last mile of the marathon, one #$%^&* foot at a time. #
  • Write! Write like your novel is penance for all your future transgressions. #
  • I just generated my #TweetCloud out of 3 months of my tweets. Top three words: chapter, write, time – http://w33.us/zzl #
  • I just generated my #TweetCloud out of a year of my tweets. Top three words: chapter, write, time – http://w33.us/102r #
  • Article about time travel. As often as gravity comes up, you'd think that time and gravity were two ways of saying the same thing. #
  • @elizawhat Waaaaaaiiit, are is your family from the Midwest? in reply to elizawhat #
  • @elizawhat Your family sounded like someone's I know for a minute. in reply to elizawhat #
  • Ugh. Another nap attack. I felt like I got run over. #
  • @pop40 Thanks, guy. It was good to see you again. #
  • @elizawhat Well, on the other hand, they are grieving, and thus not at their best or wisest, only their saddest. in reply to elizawhat #
  • Watching Teen Titans with Ray. I said, "Sometimes I feel like I'm Raven and she's Starfire." Lee almost snorted milk. #

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  • From the Woot page: "You wanna go to the stores TODAY? Hope you’ve got a decent Armor Class." #
  • @BarelyKnit Why not? That's what all the best books are about. in reply to BarelyKnit #
  • Is this it? Is this it?!? I have to read the last chapter aloud, and then…I'm done? #
  • Hm…the resolution is slightly cheesy due to the last two lines. But I think it can stand. #
  • Done: 32/32. "She was going to find someone to buy her a beer, if nothing else." #DeNoReWriMo is…over! #
  • Except for writing the query. Fun, fun. #
  • Write! Write like you're going to be depressed when it's all over! #
  • Write! Write like people are begging for a sequel! #
  • Write! Write like it doesn't matter how many exclamation points you used, anyway! #
  • Write! Write like a mad scientist, cackling at every lightning strike! #
  • Write! Write like a dog chases balls and sniffs crotches, with no dignity whatsoever! #
  • <—-Eww. #
  • Sorry, that just totally derailed me. #
  • YMMV: Your marbles may vary. #
  • Christmas shopping: Done. Operation Santa Books are ordered. #
  • Welllllll, except for the whole writing-a-brilliant-chocolate-story thing. That may take some extra time. #
  • Help! Please let me know what you think about my query letter at my blog. http://blog.deannaknippling.com/ #

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All, here’s the latest draft of my Alien Blue query letter.  Please take a look and let me know what you think.

Dear _________,

When barkeep Bill Trout’s best friend, Jack Stout, tries to hide an interstellar fugitive in small-town Haley, New Mexico, Bill refuses to help—it’s too dangerous. Jack claims the alien, Anam, is harmless. Forty-five minutes later, two people are dead and duct-taped into trash cans, the county courthouse has to be fumigated, Bill’s had to dump his own beer down the drain, and Jack still won’t admit he’s wrong.

Bill fights an uphill battle against intelligence, compassion, and loyalty to kick Anam out of town before his pursuers kill them all. Then Bill discovers he’s getting rid of the only life form able to save them from an alien invasion. Bill decides to help Anam using a mysterious blue beer he calls “Alien Blue”—but Bill’s plans never work out as intended.

Alien Blue is an 85,000-word tragicomic science fiction novel about the conflict between doing the right thing and protecting the ones you love, written in the shadows of Spider Robinson (but with fewer puns) and Kurt Vonnegut (but with a happier ending).

I’m a technical writer for the DoD; none of the events portrayed in this novel have the slightest association with fact. I belong to the Pikes Peak Writer’s Group and write murder-mystery party games in my spare time (www.freeformgames.com). I blog at www.blog.deannaknippling.com.

Thanks for your time,
DeAnna Knippling

  • I am craving the sweet potato fries at Nosh. I think that goes on the cooking list. #
  • Thank you to my family, both at home and elsewhere. You've made me a little crazy, and I like it that way. #
  • @pop40 I mourn your pies. in reply to pop40 #
  • @doycet @daphneun Next thing you know, she's going to mock bluegrass, and it's going to take cupcakes to make me forgive her :P in reply to doycet #
  • Watched Hudson Hawk yesterday for the first time in years. The last great 80s-style farce, a farce of farces. #
  • Farce farce farce…ever have a moment when a word stops meaning anything, because you said it too much? Farce farce farce… #
  • And now! On to the climactic fight scene! Which I have totally replotted! Sorry if I'm late for Thanksgiving! #
  • My head's going to explode, this is working out soooo well. #
  • Gah. I spoke too soon. #
  • YAY! Plot fixed. Turns out the plot was fine, I just needed more beats. #
  • Done: Chapter 31/32. "All right," Bill said. "This is a stickup." #DeNoReWriMo #
  • Time to throw the bread pudding together…. #

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  • I get more out of my daydreams than most people get out of their successes. #
  • @doycet True, true. But, since writing actually helps me reduce nightmares, worry, and stress (other than related to story), it works. in reply to doycet #
  • @DaphneUn I always liked, "Look!" "What?" "Corn!" but that worked better in Minnesota. in reply to DaphneUn #
  • Write! Write like the ones you've lost are, by grace, reading over your shoulder. #
  • I was almost thwarted by a thee-chapter arc, but I thwarted it back! #
  • Also, Garth Nix's Lord Sunday is finally coming out in Feb-Mar 2010. Sheesh. Finally. Did I mention that already? Finally? #
  • Done: Chapter 29/32. "If there's one thing I've learned today, it's a fine line to walk between alien possession and alcohol poisoning." #
  • Gorged on mashed potatoes for lunch. #
  • Done: Chapter 30/32. "The white cat was sitting next to Anam and licking its butt with the contented noise of a well-tuned engine." #
  • And now, for the climactic fight scene. I hate @#$%^&* fight scenes. Why am I doing this to myself? #
  • Let me clarify – I hate WRITING fight scenes. I love reading them. #duh #

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I woke up this morning thinking, of all things, about politics vs. economic systems.

Buh….this is what happens when you stop drinking coffee.  But I’m going to write it down so 1) I can get it out of my head and 2) I can look it up later for fiction purposes.

In capitalism, money is the major political (power) unit.  But wait!  Capitalism is an economic system!  Except money is used to influence politics, to undercut or influence the votes of both the people and our elected representatives.  Money is power; power is politics.

So here’s what I’m thinking.  Money behaves like gravity.  Money attracts money; money absorbs money; money has satellites.  Money does NOT behave like gravity.  The amount of money in a system is not a constant – you can’t make more mass, but you can make more money.  Money and value (unlike gravity and mass) are not constant.

But money doesn’t behave like water (it doesn’t trickle down).  It attracts satellites.

Okay, first case – look at the U.S. as if it were a closed, purely capitalistic system.  If the government, that is, we do not do anything to affect how money moves in the U.S., companies will do everything they can to succeed and get more money.  Having more money, they have more ability to gather more money.  There are other forces, like unions, hostile takeovers, etc., that could break companies up, but those forces will tend to gather more money as well.  Eventually, all the money will belong to a single entity or a handful of entities who have agreed to act as a single entity in the interest of self-preservation:  a black hole.  My guess is that, in a closed, purely capitalistic system, a few people will have most of the power (and thus, the money), and the rest of the people will be living in a cashless or minimally-cashed world, owing their souls to the company store.

Second case – the U.S. as an open, purely capitalistic system.  I think one of two things will happen.  First, pure capitalism will outcompete other political systems, in which case we’ll end up with the same situation, only it’ll take longer.  Second, another political system or a combination of political systems will outcompete pure capitalism, and capitalism will die out.

Third case – the U.S. as a closed, purely socialistic system.  Socialism is a political system (and an economic one) in which labor is the major political (power) unit.  I acknowledge we have yet to see a case of pure socialism on this planet.  But let’s hypothesize.  Money itself becomes devalued and meaningless.  Some people’s labor becomes more valuable than others, and some kind of accounting system comes into existence – money.  Back to the first case.  Or everyone’s labor stays at a constant value.  Suddenly, if you can’t work, you don’t eat.  Or everyone’s labor stays at a constant value and non-workers are somehow taken care of.  Then nobody has what they need to live, because if every worker’s labor is the same value (x) and if the total labor pool has to support non-workers (at expense of y per worker), then the workers have to live on x-y, or less than x.  But wait!  No system is frictionless; workers must also supply z, the cost of maintaining the system, which, per worker, is z.  So the average worker produces x, from which y and z must be removed.  The average non-worker produces nothing, from which z must be removed anyway.  The average system worker produces x, to which y is removed but z is added.  The system will tend to take over, with people either stopping producing labor entirely or joining the government and adding to beaurocracy but not actually producing anything.  Either way is a kind of heat death, in which everybody ends up with the same amount of practically nothing.

Fourth case – the U.S. as an open, purely socialistic system.  Either pure socialism outcompetes other systems or it doesn’t, if yes, then see the third case; if not, it dies out.

Now, what I think is actually happening is that the U.S. is not purely capitalistic (duh) but that it is certainly not purely socialistic, either.  (Note that nobody has proposed changing labor to the political unit.  Taking money from the rich and giving it to the poor is NOT socialism; you’d have to restate the problem in terms of labor, not dollars.)  Some political (that is, economic) entities have become so big that they are or have been collapsing markets (Microsoft, GM, the financial market, which has become so intertwined that it’s not functioning as a healthy, competing market, but a collection of allies that have agreed not to take each other over, that is, it’s better to screw the investors than each other, and ditto health insurance companies) into monopolies or olipolies (is that the word?).  They are turning the market into a black hole.

Now, working for a large company is pretty choice.  Not only do you make more money, but you get better benefits.  AS LONG AS your company is making money, preferably more money than it made last year, it takes care of you.  You trade your labor for the good life.  My opinion is that the best companies try to approach a reasonable level of socialism for their workers, who trade x, and who use capital to pay for y and z rather than drawing y and z out of x, as much as possible.  Working for the U.S. Government is like that, too, only the government uses taxes for y and z.  Now, the best companies also try to reduce the amount of z to increase profitability, but they tend to keep x at a high amount, because good workers are better than poor ones.  Not all x is equal.  The U.S. Government claims to be trying to reduce z, but, because nobody really competes with the government, lowering y and z isn’t vital.  Y and z, in fact, end up going right back to the U.S. population, so either the government reduces y and z, and money stays with the U.S. people, or the government doesn’t reduce y and z, and money stays with the U.S. people.

So – big companies (and the U.S. Government) get bigger, attracting both more money and better labor, becoming behemoths that kill markets and transforming a capitalistic society into a socialistic one.

Is that bad?  Is it so bad to be taken care of by a company or the government?  Personally, no.  However, on a system level, it sucks.

Either the companies compete or are outcompeted by other companies on the U.S. or world markets.  See the second case.  Without limitation, the U.S. Government will approach something almost socialistic.  See case three.  So it’s a race between a black hole and heat death, if we have a world without limitations.

What we want, for the U.S. as well as the rest of the world, is a churning market (that is, neither defined by monopolies nor worldwide poverty), framed either or both in terms of money (capitalism) and labor (socialism).  In order to maintain a churning market, two things have to happen:  the government must limit large entities, and the people (voters) must limit government.  A paradox.

To further complicate things, a country that limits it corporations and government may not be able to effectively compete against other countries, who don’t.  See China, who has fewer regulations than we do, and who is kicking our butts economically right now.

Personally, I’m of the opinion that what we “should” do is use regulation to break up monopolies and olipolies (again, that word).  Right now, we don’t have the regulatory tools to break up things like the health care, financial, or U.S. automobile industries; they aren’t monopolies, and they still compete, so what can we even do to them to make them stop screwing up the entire country?  How do we do it in such a way that we make the U.S. more competitive, worldwide?

(Also, I think health care insurance is a special case.  Insurance is supposed to be a bet against the risk of something happening; however, everyone has health problems, so health insurance is a bet against having more health problems than you pay in premiums.  Which isn’t much of a bet, as the only way for the health insurance companies to guarantee that is cheat – take bets and then kick people off the books when it looks like they might lose, refuse life-saving treatment because they lose money, etc.  I’d just as soon see the government run it.  I hate cheaters, and I suspect there’s no way to have a non-cheating, capitalistic health insurance system.)

Okay, that’s enough for today.

  • @serafinowicz It's a herd of cows, so what's a group of Tweeters? #PSQA in reply to serafinowicz #
  • Muppets do Queen!!! RT @DaphneUn For your holiday happiness: http://fwd4.me/5h7 #
  • Hey @ianthealy RT @serafinowicz "Ian thinks, therefore Ian." – Ian Descartes #
  • You should send me funny stuff today, because today is just a LMAO day. #
  • I declare Chapter 28 un-done, because I was still mad at it. But I Have an Idea, so let's see how tonight goes. #
  • @Three_Star_Dave Grats! in reply to Three_Star_Dave #
  • An R-rated Acorn Squash recipe: RT @ChuckWendig @doycet Let the Stuffing of '09 begin. http://is.gd/52Y3B #
  • It turns out that my grim problem chapter was actually destined to be comic relief. #
  • Okay, NOW I'm done: 28/32. "Knock it off, okay? My mom made me go to judo since I was eight. Also? The safety is still on." #
  • Sad night. My cousin Kori's infant son Thomas passed away earlier today after heart problems. Please send your thoughts toward his family. #

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  • @doycet Please don't – I have other plans. in reply to doycet #
  • @davisac1 There you go. in reply to davisac1 #
  • Write! Write you're being chased by polar bears and the only thing to stop them is a book club! Literally! #
  • @ChuckWendig WooOOoooOOOOo! Grats! in reply to ChuckWendig #
  • @tafkae Went WENT WENT!!! in reply to tafkae #
  • @doycet Thbbbbt. I ran into the mention of Land's End in AB today – we need to edit that! in reply to doycet #
  • Write! Write like the villain is your ex and is GOING DOWN. #
  • Write! Write like you're a computer and the only way to make it is to bootstrap it, baby. #
  • Write! Write like you're trapping nightmares in the sun. #
  • Done: Chapter 28/32. "Not that Bart wouldn't cheat at chess, but he'd never give a straight answer." #DeNoReWriMo #
  • I am FREAKIN' exhausted with writing today. #

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  • Write! Write like too much espresso! #
  • Write! Write like you lose a pound for every 5,000 words! #
  • @BarelyKnit Aw…. in reply to BarelyKnit #
  • Done: 25/32. Hard to find a line that doesn't reveal plot, but: "I'm not a hero or a baseball pitcher." #DeNoReWriMo #
  • Write! Write like a fairy is born with every chapter! #
  • Done: 26/32 (two pages). "The stars were gorgeous, the Milky Way a filmy negligée across the mysteries of the universe." #DenoReWriMo #
  • @BarelyKnit Thank you :) #
  • Hey, what else can you call an epilogue? I have a frame story ending that I call an epilogue, but is 5 chaps long and contains the climax. #
  • @ianthealy Thanks, o Power of Not Helping. in reply to ianthealy #
  • You know, maybe the best NaNoWriMo advice comes in just two parts: 1) write. 2) exercise. But now my arms don't want to work. #
  • @dcawley Hm…I *could* just do Chapter 28, Chapter 29, etc. I don't need to break things down for the reader, just myself. Considering. in reply to dcawley #
  • I don't have the energy to do this 20-something page chapter all at one go. Chunks! #
  • Chunk 1 of 27/32 done. "It turns out the opposite of lost is still lost." #
  • Write! Write like Neil Gaiman promised to write a blurb for your book! #
  • Chocolate review: NewTree Pink Peppercorn. Mmm. http://blog.deannaknippling.com/?p=1907 #
  • Okay, break's over. #
  • Done with part 2 of 27/32. "You shouldn't mock a man unless he can hit you, but I couldn't help myself." #
  • Showers are good. So is lunch. Back to it! #
  • Write! Write like every 10,000 words = 10% off at Borders! #
  • Part 3 done of 27/32. "We've been hiding an alien in town. And not just somebody from across the border." #DeNoReWriMo #
  • Write! Write like your lover is awaiting the last sentence with a bottle of champagne! #
  • Part 4 done of 27/32. "Going to tell us we don't have a license to sell dead aliens?" #DeNoReWriMo #
  • Yay! Done with Chapter 27! #
  • And my three-page summary is down to four pages! From eight! #
  • Write! Write like someone will tell you, "This book saved my life!" #
  • @ianthealy Well. I think so. Even if it does start off slowly. in reply to ianthealy #
  • @davisac1 Well, you know, they might be pursued by literate polar bears, and the reader threw your book at them, inspiring a critique group. in reply to davisac1 #

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73% Cocoa.

There’s a warning statement on the back of the package:  “NewTree chocolates should be enjoyed as part of a varied, balanced diet and a healthy lifestyle.”

Yes, this chocolate is so dangerous, you must eat it in moderation.  Lee picked this up from Walmart, which appears to be the only place you can get pink peppercorn – not even from the website.  Sad.

At first, I was a little disappointed.  The pepper wasn’t as sharp as I wanted.  However, with peppercorn-flavored chocolate, a little goes a long way, and I usually end up leaving most of the bar for later.  Not so here.  I finished half of the bar one night and half the next – the (relative) mildness was addictive.  Also, I suspect pink peppercorns are not inherently as sharp as black ones.

The chocolate was a good, dark Belgian chocolate, very rich and almost chalky-textured, just enough cocoa butter to hold everything together.  It left behind an excess of crumbles, which I am using my finger to pull out of the wrapper as I type.  Very good.

  • Quote @Three_Star_Dave "Ah, those halcyon days when it was D&D (not Teh Gayz) that were a threat to our children." #
  • Write! Write like it's your day job! #
  • @doycet Hey, I want to name one of my chapters "Hidden Things." Mind? #
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  • On Desc: For tight POV, check the desc of a thing doesn't happen before the chars run into that thing. #desc #
  • @Knippling I hope you're feeling better. in reply to Knippling #
  • Done: 23/32. "I'm the details guy, as sad as that is. I mean, I can't remember to change my shirt from day to day." #
  • Write! Write like you have adoring fans! #
  • I blog about description: http://blog.deannaknippling.com/?p=1899 #
  • @serafinowicz Alas, sometimes the chickens DO break down and eat their own eggs. in reply to serafinowicz #
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  • @Knippling Ohhhhh. I haven't seen it, but what little I do know makes that makes sense. in reply to Knippling #
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  • Write! Write like you want to be surprised by what comes next! #
  • Done: 24/32. "Can't a man take a piss in peace?" #DeNoReWriMo #
  • I'm getting toward the end of the book, where everything gets all intense. I DON'T WANT TO STOP EDITING. Freakin' miracle, I know. #

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Due to (or exacerbated by) my background in drama (I had a really, really good playwriting teacher), I am pretty solid on dialogue.  I can’t explain how to get good at dialogue–I’ve never really had to think about it.  But description?  Pfft.

On the one hand, this is good news.  My previous fear and loathing, when it came to writing, was plot.  So the fact that I’m not dwelling on plot means that I’m better at it.  Not good, but better.  Right?

On the other hand, I have to figure out how to get better at writing description.  And I hate writing descriptions.

You know those books where you have pages of riveting description where nobody speaks–not “the forest was dark, even at midday” type thing, but description of action.  Fight scenes.  Love scenes.  Murders.

Yeah, I even suck at those.  Instead, I write dialogue with stage directions.

I asked around, but nobody yet has given me the magic key to writing good descriptions.*  I suspect the people who are good at it don’t have to think about it and assume the reader knows things that I, in fact, have no freaking clue about.  So I’ve been rereading Steven Brust’s The Phoenix Guards, because I’ve always liked the description in that, and because I picked up an extra copy recently, so it was on my book-stack.

I’ll go into more detail later, but here are my initial thoughts on description in general, based off things I read in SB.

  • POV and description are in bed together.  A third-person omniscient book can do things with description that a first-person can’t, and vice versa (3rd:  see anything, anywhere, that the characters know nothing about; 1st:  everything described is distorted by the character’s perspective).
  • But the shift between first and third person POV does not need to be absolute.  How that works, I don’t know yet – but I see SB doing it, for example, when he first describes Kaavren, he uses paragraphs of plain, absolutely third-person description–K’s wearing this and this clothing, by which we deduce he was XYZ, etc.  But then SB ends his descriptions with little character hooks that come out of the way K sees himself:  “…which was proved by the color of his garments, where they could be discerned beneath the dust he wore as his outer, and, no doubt, inner layer of clothing.”  “The purse, upon close inspection, looked rather anemic.”  “…and since the Tiassa’s countenance was one of friendliness, neither one was inclined to take offense…”  Telling us that K feels dirty, is acutely aware of being broke, and takes pride in his charm.
  • Description doesn’t have to be a decription of what the characters see and do, moment by moment, in order to be effective (except maybe in action sequences?).  It can be other things:  “‘Well, and does that matter?’ said one of the ladies who had been steadily losing to Tazendra.”  Is that a description of the look on the woman’s face?  The tone of her voice?  No.  And it’s more effective than a straight description would have been.
  • Pace comes from descriptions, or maybe pace is set by description.  The leisurely tempo in SB’s PG is set by Paarfi’s convoluted sentences and necessity of breaking off to describe the history of carriages, etc.  “Tazendra slowly turned her head, which had been directed to Pel, until she was facing the lady who had spoken.”  Even the length of the sentence affects the pace:  T turns her head for the length of time it takes to read that sentence.
  • Transitions are description.  Not just “here’s the time that passed from one chapter/scene to the next.”  The transition into and out of backstory is just as important.  “And now at last we return to a discussion of the lodging which our friends found for themselves.”  “As to their duties at the Palace, we must pause here to explain something of the structure of the Imperial military hierarchy at that time.”  “…this observation was shown to be particular astute, as we will take it upon ourselves to demonstrate.”
  • Description isn’t just that which is seen.  It includes indirect description–how other characters react to an action, not shown.  “He paused, seeing that Aerich was uninterested in the details.”
  • Description within dialogue.  “‘I would like a sword,’ he said.  ‘It is to be three and three quarter pounds…’”
  • Description as a placemark of where the characters are, physically, in a setting.  “The counter-attack…went well until the Guardsmen had succeeded in pushing their enemies to the far wall of the room, where upon two things happened:  first, the press of the bodies and the force of the charge itself served to squeeze soldiers around the sides…”
  • Description sets the milieu; for example, description can have a political effect.  “Shortly thereafter the Teckla coachman emerged from the kitchen wiping his face on the sleeve of his dirty black tunic…”  (showing the prejudice of the nobleman narrator).
  • Description can be a statement of what something is not, or what is normal (if the thing is not normal, or as expected):  “…Pel had occasion three times to point out to Aerich that they were passing a weapon-smith, but each time the latter merely shook his head.”

…More thoughts as I get them.

*Goddamned magic keys, anyway.

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  • @DaphneUn You're right, you're right. It's "luhvahs." in reply to DaphneUn #
  • Done: Chapter 20/32. "Do you know how hard it is to keep these lines straight, even when they aren't infected?" #DeNoReWriMo #
  • I wish I could give one of my characters a hug: she's carrying a big burden, combined from a lot of people I knew/know. #
  • Done: Chapter 21/32. "Another visitor. Maybe I should put my clothes on." #DeNoReWriMo #
  • Two chapters edited. I think I get a bubble bath for that. #
  • All I've tweeted about this month is writing. I walk away from the computer and think about what I forgot to tweet…nah. #burnout #
  • Frex, speeding ticket. I'm on a new road, in the dark, no idea what the limit is. Suddenly, everyone brakes. Crap. Why am I in front? #
  • Writing advice from Carrie Vaughn: Just so. http://c92no.th8.us #

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  • Spent an hour and a half changing the span of the book from 4 years to 1.5. Feel better now. #
  • Drinking beer and eating chili. #
  • Happy Left 4 Dead II day! …If you can download, that is. #
  • What? I have to turn off the new Norah Jones so I can read aloud my chapter? What is this, common sense? Must be some kind of conspiracy. #
  • Done: Chapter 19/32. "I took another shower, smelled my pits, and declared myself even less stinky than usual." #
  • Done: Chapter 19/32. "I took another shower, smelled my pits, and declared myself even less stinky than usual." #DeNoReWriMo #
  • I'm looking forward to tomorrow's chapter. I may do 2, they're short. "Bamboozled" and "A Whole New Woman." #
  • After that is "Lovers." Which title was inspired one day when @DaphneUn said it over…and…over…and…over… #

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  • Done: Chapter 18/32. "I'd never actually lied to him; he'd never actually arrested me." #DeNoReWriMo #
  • Ugh. Long, ornery day. #

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  • @ChuckWendig @doycet Three times for humor – gave rule of three to daughter to explain that sometimes a lot of a good thing is too much. in reply to ChuckWendig #
  • Snowed last night. Not too bad. Still planning to go to chocolate festival. #
  • @mightymur What church DO you go to? in reply to mightymur #
  • I'm getting better at this editing stuff. At least, faster. First pass on a 13-page chapter done in just over an hour. Read-aloud time. #
  • Done: Chapter 17/32. "Remind me what I'm wearing black for? Oh, yeah. All my clothes are black." #DeNoReWriMo #
  • I ate so much chocolate at the chocolate festival that I came home slightly dizzy. I want to try out a chocolate drink, but don't dare. #
  • My personal best of show @ chocolate festival: http://www.chocolateofgods.com/main.html #
  • BTS Chocolate was a close second. http://www.btschocolate.com/ The puns…the kilt…the yummy… #
  • A lot of the booths at the chocolate festival were small businesses, working out of their homes. Awesome. #

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  • @Three_Star_Dave Literarily speaking. Excellent. in reply to Three_Star_Dave #
  • @ChuckWendig @doycet I want one of you to write a couple of blog entries on DESCRIPTION, when how and why. I suck at it. in reply to ChuckWendig #
  • I finished Act I of the book yesterday, in which the main character, in his 40s, decides to grow up. A coming of age story. #
  • I'm almost HALFWAY THROUGH the book! #
  • Huh. I guess that means Act I is really long. #
  • The lesson for the week on editing: Know how the main character changes in each chapter before sitting down at the keyboard. #
  • Another lesson: See it from the main character's point of view – not "what happens now" but "what does MC do about what's happening now." #
  • @ChuckWendig I can do theme. Definitely Woo. in reply to ChuckWendig #
  • Yet another lesson: if you have that figured out and you're still not excited about your chapter, brainstorm again. #
  • Done: Chapter 15/32. "I didn't say it was a good idea. I said it was a favor." #DeNoReWriMo #
  • @doycet @ChuckWendig How about settings? in reply to doycet #
  • @doycet @ChuckWendig I under-desc. So is that also remember at least 3 things? And when/how to set that up? in reply to doycet #
  • Done: Chapter 16/32. "Damn. The greatest scientific invention mankind will ever know. And they'll never know about it." #DeNoReWriMo #
  • @DaphneUn Rewrite, rewrite, rewrite. Tomorrow: The chocolate festival @ Broadmoor.http://bit.ly/3thsEb in reply to DaphneUn #

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Sometimes I write blog posts already knowing, more or less, what I’m going to say.  This is not one of those times.

Steven Brust is discussing the ethical use of humor over on his site.  To sum up,  in one case, someone used humor against a friend of his; the friend was hurt; the offending person didn’t understand why.  In another case, his daughter, a comedian, participated in a show with the theme of mental handicaps, and her friends were offended.

He said:

The dilemma, as I see it, is something like this:
1. No one has the right, through humor or any other way, to needlessly hurt someone else.
2. No one has the right to decide for another how and when to use humor to relieve suffering.

It stopped me.  Of course there’s a way through, I thought.  So I posted, “It hurts worse when they laugh at you; it hurts less if they laugh with you. The screwups come when people mistake laughing together at someone else for laughing with someone.”

But I continue to think about it.  I’d rather blather on here than post multiple comments on someone else’s site.

I had somebody make an unforgiveable joke at my daughter’s expense the other day.  I’m not going to say the joke – you’ll be offended.  I wasn’t.  I laughed.  Because I knew the guy; to know him is to know that he limps through his day with one foot in his mouth.  Most common quote:  “What?  What did I say?”  And in fact, he told the joke so ineptly that I didn’t get it at first, which made me laugh harder when I did get it.  Guy’s making an ass of himself, and he can’t even spell.

But that’s okay.  I know he didn’t mean any harm by it.  It…just…came…out.

I’ve been far more offended by less offensive jokes from other people, the kind of jokes that are an attack, with a sly wink that says, “I’m testing you…if you don’t laugh, we both know that you’re a frigid, prude @#$%.”  Those are the ones I hate.  Buddy, you don’t know me well enough to tell me off-color jokes.

For example – the joke about the Muslim woman who, after being “liberated,” still follows her man by four feet–because of bombs.  I am SO sick of that joke.  I’ve received it, via e-mail, about once every two months for the last three and a half years.  But I find that the joke is offensive or not depending on who’s telling it–it’s told via e-mail, mind you, so not really dependent on tone of voice or facial expressions.*

Some people can send me offensive crap, and I laugh my ass off.

Some people can send me something just slightly off the mark, and I hate them for it, because of that sly look in their eyes.

Are you sharing something with me or not?  Or are you trying to take something away?  If you want to see me squirm, screw you.  If you want to see me fall over on the floor, unable to talk I’m laughing so hard, bring it.

–Unless it’s just not funny.  Meh.

*But seriously, please stop sending me that joke. I am SO OVER IT.

  • @doycet I think it's a poem,too. I was cruising through poetry sites, waiting for the hiccups to stop, and there it was. in reply to doycet #
  • Grats! They were great :) RT @cmpriest My first royalty check from Tor arrived today. The Eden series finally earned out! Wooooo! #
  • @doycet Now I want to know whether my alien is believable. in reply to doycet #
  • The girl is off to karate with the spouse. If only the cat hadn't crapped in my office. #NaNoStinkMo #
  • Sounds WONDERFUL. Why do I live in the only place in Colorado that doesn't get slammed? @ianthealy Thunder and lightning and SNOW. *sigh* #
  • After tweeting my love of storms, I realize my favorite chapters are the blizzards (literally speaking?). #
  • Hey, IS it "literally speaking" if you're making a metaphor, but it's about your fiction? #
  • Done: Chapter 14/32. "The aliens come from hell, Bill. No sex, no drinking, no dancing, no airplanes." #DeNoReWriMo #
  • Me, on humor: http://blog.deannaknippling.com/?p=1888 #

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  • Back from looking at a karate place – we're in. They work REALLY well with kids. #
  • Now, back to the chapter. I totally rewrote this one recently, so it's looking peachy already. #
  • Done: Chapter 12/32. "I was concerned, you understand, because I was liable to suffer the most jail time." #DeNoReWriMo #
  • Do I like the chapter? I don't know. Have I nailed it? I don't know. The main character is confused, so maybe I'm being appropriate. #
  • @Three_Star_Dave YT has not, personally, started karate. I'll think about it AFTER November. in reply to Three_Star_Dave #
  • @ianthealy I'm interested to see whether I can EDIT more words than you DRAFT this month. in reply to ianthealy #
  • @ianthealy I'm at 33.5K. in reply to ianthealy #

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  • Critique group cancelled….Yay! A night off. A chapter behind….Booooo…. #
  • I…can…do…this. Ungh. #
  • Gah. My book always makes me cry. #
  • @BarelyKnit Your brain will do ANYTHING to try to trick you into stopping. Every year. Imagine you're doing a fundraiser marathon. in reply to BarelyKnit #
  • Done: Chapter 11/32. "Earth is what happens to dust when something shits in it." #DeNoReWriMo #

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  • @BarelyKnit Why, DeAnna Novel ReWrite Month. Didn't you know? 32 chapters, 30 days. in reply to BarelyKnit #
  • Bra update: The kind with the squishy stuff in the middle is the best. Memory foam….like whipped cream that's seen better days. #
  • @Three_Star_Dave It's supposed to remember where all my squish squashes :) in reply to Three_Star_Dave #
  • @BarelyKnit Hey, the bartender in my novel is called Sam Adams. People say, "I'll have a namesake." in reply to BarelyKnit #
  • It rained 40 days, and it rained 40 nights. & he cried & he cried & he cried. On the 41st day, he passed away, just dehydrated and died! #
  • Done: Chapter 10/32. "But there was probably close to two hundred years of sheer orneriness between them…" #DeNoReWriMo #

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  • I got a Razer gaming mouse off Woot this time, dammit. No timing me out *today.* #
  • Pomplamoose *is* good. RT @doycet I want to write the way Pomplamoose makes music. Nature Boy – http://bit.ly/pO40n – Damn. #
  • @doycet WANT that accordion. http://bit.ly/38uKK4 "Favorite Things" #
  • Dammit. Today's another long day – 20 pages for this chapter. The one after that's only eight pages, and the one after that, only five. #
  • Okay, I'm going to do groceries first. Have to nail down the main character's major change in this chapter; he doesn't play much part. #
  • Back from groceries. Picked up gold-foil wrapping paper for the chocolate bars @ Christmas. #
  • Discovered the drier, after a long period of tolerating bras, has CORKSCREWED two underwires. #brashopping #
  • I think I'll go get measured. Increased yoga has changed my shape. #
  • I think my cookbook club has stopped automatically sending me my selection of the month: I kept retuning them. #
  • @Three_Star_Dave Yeah, that drier really socked it to me. in reply to Three_Star_Dave #
  • Ten more @#$%^& pages to go. WHY cannot I not take my own advice? Read through first, THEN read out loud. #
  • @doycet Yeah, if only I hadn't slacked off. in reply to doycet #
  • @doycet Oh, well. That's the way the wind blouse. in reply to doycet #
  • @cmpriest You're about to burst into song, aren't you? http://bit.ly/3b42vp in reply to cmpriest #
  • Five more pages. Dinah is a terrible raconteuse–she goes straight for the point–so I'm cutting her big speech, which was 11 pages. #
  • Ahhhh. Done: Chapter 9/32. "…between smug and guilty, I'd have to lean towards smug." #DeNoReWriMo #
  • @BarelyKnit Small children in third-world nations are going hungry…because you're not writing. #NaNoWriMo in reply to BarelyKnit #

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Dunno about you, but when I’m afraid of something, I put it off.

Some days, it’s easier to edit than others.  Today, I’m finding all kinds of reasons to avoid starting on the editing, so I’m going to give myself one last delay and try to find out why I’m scared of editing today in particular.

Am I afraid of failing?   That I won’t be able to finish such a huge, complex chapter today, so I might as well not start?

Am I afraid that I’m going to miss out on all the other things I want to do, if I spend hours and hours editing?  It’s not like the things I want to do are all that important.  Except for the nap.  That’s important.

Part of me feels like I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to be doing in this chapter – that is, changing from what to what.  Maybe I’m afraid I’m missing something important, that if I plow ahead without finding it, I’ll be unhappy with this chapter forever.

Part of me feels like I already know this chapter so well that I can’t possibly improve it, it’s perfect…and is afraid of finding out otherwise.

I don’t want to read this chapter again, not really – why not?  I couldn’t wait to read the previous chapter, even though it was longer and even more complex than this one.  Is there nothing to love about this chapter?

The chapter is about the main character making plans, failing, trying something different, and finally realizing the situation wasn’t what it seemed in the first place – he’s a fool.  The angriest character and the worst character show up and wallow in their awful actions.  The main character behaves like scum (not that he didn’t in the previous chapters, but he isn’t charming about it, here).  In fact, this chapter is the lowest the main character ever gets in the book, ethically – and it brings him nothing.  Worse things happen in the rest of the book, but from here on out, he makes progressively better, rather than worse, choices.

I think that’s it.  I’m dreading following the main character down into the pit.  He doesn’t realize that he’s in a pit, either:  it’s all justified.  And I’ve dug myself some entirely self-justified pits in my time; I don’t relish reliving the experience, even in part.

Okay.  It won’t be pleasant, but I think I can move on now.

I’m editing a 92K-word story (32 chapters) in 30 days as an alternative to NaNoWriMo.  I don’t get to write another book until this one has been sent out. Dammit.  And I have three more NaNo books that I need to rewrite.  I’ve been a bad author lately, all first drafts and no rejection slips.

Lesson #1: just as the crunch of the actual NaNoWriMo forces you to learn about putting pen to paper, the crunch of of DeNoReWriMo* is forcing me to learn to stop worrying and love the delete key.

But that was the wittiest thing I’ve ever said! Delete.
But I really liked that tongue-twisting-but-totally-accurate-yet-adverby description! Delete.
But I don’t want to show! I want to TELL! Delete.

Oh, yeah. Love that delete key.

Some other lessons…

Read out loud. I’m learning there is no substitute for reading the story out loud. None.

I thought the story sounded okay in my head.  And then I talked to Doyce about podcasting last week, and I decided to actually read the story out loud, instead of just imagining I was reading the story out loud but not actually reading out loud, because that might be embarrassing, to have people who already know I’m a bit off hear me acting a bit off.  Thanks to my family for not commenting on how odd it is to have someone typing away in the back bedroom for hours on end, talking in funny voices, then saying, “Shit,” and typing some more, because WOW, actually reading the story out loud.  Yeah.

Adding the characters’ voices was hard.  I felt like even more of an idiot.  And then I realized I didn’t have a voice for some of the characters.  Ouch.

Fix the plot holes first. I’m also learning that it’s better to read through the story and fix plot holes before I start reading out loud.  The part of my brain that has logic (i.e., that can manage all the plot lines and determine whether so-and-so should be in the scene anymore) does not like the part of my brain that listens to the sounds of the words.  It gets disgusted and walks off.

I’ll catch additional plot holes when I read aloud, but they’re usually of the was-the-shirt-buttoned-in-the-last-scene-or-not variety.

The compressed editing schedule makes it easier to spot plot holes, by the way – you don’t forget what you wrote in chapter 2, because that was six days ago, not six months.

I doubt I’d want to do speed-editing like this if I hadn’t already beat the plot to death with a stick.  I’m at the point of fixing minor plot holes, not adding chapters, deleting characters, and reassessing just what the point of the book was supposed to be, anyway.

Editing takes time. It’s taking me longer to edit these chapters – just on this go-through – than it did to write them in the first place.  I’m used to ten pages = 1.5 hours, with focus.  Now it’s ten pages = all damn night.  AND I log off Twitter.

Brag it up. Rewriting needs just as much support as doing your first draft.  Thanks to everyone who’s commented, in person or over the net.   Some days, having somebody ask me how my book is going is what made me walk back to the keyboard.

More later.  Unless I haven’t finished my chapter for the day…

*DeAnna Novel ReWrite Month.

  • Remind me not to drink all the martini in the shaker anymore, no matter how good the olives are. Ugn. #
  • But it was soooooo good. Blue cheese-stuffed olives + Bombay sapphire = yummeh. #
  • Rhonda puts together the best girls' nights: http://www.mackenzieschophouse.com/ (But I liked the carpaccio at the Warehouse better.) #
  • All right, kidoos. Time to go to work. Next chapter is loooooong. #
  • Break! I get to take a shower! Honestly? Editing takes me longer than drafting, and I don't have any major rewrites this time. #
  • Another break. This time, I loaded the dishwasher. …It likes rum. #
  • We went to Cool Science fair this afternoon. http://www.coolscience.org/CoolScience/Teachers/UCCS2009.htm Coooooooooooool. #
  • Shrimp, cured chorizo, tomatoes, oregano, garlic, red wine, and salt over cream-and-parmesan polenta. #
  • Listening to "Tower of Song." Back at it, editing. I will DEFEAT this monster chapter. Or give it keeses. #
  • Do da dum dum, da do dum dum…I hear Neil Gaiman coughing about a hundred floors above me, in the tower of song. #
  • If I get to write an AB sequel, Arcade Fire IS the soundtrack. http://bit.ly/UlbZ2 #
  • Wait. I think I said that before. #
  • Damn it. I meant to do three chapters and get the Brag Sheet out today. However, over 30 pages of edits are nothing to sneer at. #
  • Done: Chapter 8/32. "If fame and glory meant shit to me, do you think I'd be teaching Anthro 101 this fall?" #DeNoReWriMo #
  • Blog post: DeNoReWriMo. Lessons at the 1/4 mark: http://blog.deannaknippling.com/?p=1874 #

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  • Witness decrease my ability to slack off. RT @doycet I love how you're tweeting your editing updates. #
  • I KNEW I was missing something. RT @BarelyKnit Wine? Check. Super Girl jammies? Check. Ready to write. #NaNoWriMo #
  • Like a Taco Bell burrito at 2 am when you're drunk RT @mightymur those who say food doesnt equal love are full of beans. bad tasting beans. #
  • Done: Chapter 7/26. "I wondered who'd sent in the cleaning fairies." #

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  • I feel that way about my legs all the time. RT @mtfierce Shave hastily, repent just about immediately. #
  • And armpit hair! @ianthealy sure, but you're so tall you've got more leg to maintain than the average girl #
  • @bonniebythepeak You know what they say about having legs that go up to your armpits…"That's a lot of shavin'." in reply to bonniebythepeak #
  • Done: Chapter 6/32. "First thing you do in an introduction is shake hands with the gentleman. *Then* you start talking bad about him." #

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  • My brain wasn't working…it's amazing what goldfish crackers with extra orange can fix. #
  • Hey @doycet – I'm reading the book out loud before I pass each chapter. Seems to help cut a LOT of crap. #
  • Taking a break before reading the chapter out loud. Had to write five pages to replace a lame summary section. #
  • Done: Chapter 5/32. "Fumigating, my ass." Tomorrow is a short chapter. Huzzah! #DeNoReWriMo #

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  • RT @Dabeak The Delete key is the mindkiller, i will let it pass through me and only I will remain. The delete key is the mind killer… #
  • @bonniebythepeak Thanks! Gimme some quote, baby :) in reply to bonniebythepeak #
  • dknippling

    Done: Chapter 4/32. "Sam squatted by the corpse. 'Who's that?' he asked. 'Old friend of Jack's,' I said." #DeNoReWriMo #

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PRONUNCIATION:
(AK-nist-uhs)

MEANING:
noun: The part of the body where one cannot reach to scratch.

ETYMOLOGY:
From Greek aknestis (spine), from Ancient Greek knestis (spine, cheese-grater).

USAGE:
“In what has to be the longest post-election season in living memory, the last five months have felt like an acnestis upon our collective soul; like that little patch of skin on our backs that we just can’t reach to scratch ourselves. It’s irritating. It’s annoying. It’s left us reaching and spinning around in circles.” –A Wish List to Soothe Our Collective Itch; New Straits Times (Malaysia); Aug 5, 2008.

Via A.Word.A.Day.

  • Thus begins DeNoReWriMo. #
  • Done: Chapter 1/32. #DeNoReWriMo #
  • @Dabeak Yep, DeNoReWriMo is my own personal rewrite grind. What are you working on? in reply to Dabeak #
  • @Dabeak Well, turn of your twitter and write then! Answers, dammit. in reply to Dabeak #
  • Done: Chapter 2/32. #DeNoReWriMo. "When a lady tells you to smell her air freshener…" "What?" "You go smell her air freshener." #
  • Done: Chapter 3/32. "It'd be like trying to hide a Jew in Hitler's basement." #DeNoReWriMo #

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  • Had a blast last night at the Cottonwood Day of the Dead open house. I want to make a bone half-mask… #
  • And the Halloween work party wasn't bad, either. Hats off to Pumpkin & Pi. #
  • Today: Mouseguard at FalCon. http://warhorn.net/FalCon/ Goodness…I am being social this weekend. And geeky. #
  • November begins DeReWriMo, De Rewrite Month. 17 chapters to check for rewrites, 32 chapters to polish and check for @#$%#% and !!!!!!! #
  • Oh yeah…I got 2nd place for my "Evil Tooth Fairy" costume last night. Heather had this awesome Medusa getup, tho. Pumpkin Pi = #1. #
  • You need some NaNo advice? I got your NaNo advice right here: http://blog.deannaknippling.com/?p=1847 #
  • Trick or treated…Ray got cold before I was ready to come home. Awww…but then she answered the door for us, so that was okay. #
  • @doycet Loving Robert McKee's Story already. "Story is about respect, not disdain, for the audience." <3 #

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I was blathering about last year’s NaNoWriMo strategy over at ***Dave’s writing site, Doing Write, and realized I always need more blog posts…

I’ve done four NaNoWriMo-style novels (30 days, 50K words).  The drafting, while a bitch, is the easy part for me; I need to learn how to rewrite efficiently, which has been quite the task.  So this year, I’m not drafting a novel, I’m doing a crash rewrite of Alien Blue.  (I’ll report on what I learned as I go along.)

But, with four years of NaNo experience, I do have some personal tips for people writing a first draft:

Write in chapters.  Do a chapter a day, and you’ll find yourself writing more words to make sure you finish a definable chunk.

Whether or not you do a larger outline, outline your daily work right before you write it.  Today, I want to get X from Las Vegas to California, in four easy stages:

  1. X leaves Las Vegas with a million yen and a body in the trunk.
  2. X is pulled over by the cops.
  3. X talks her way out of the situation without using bullets or sex.
  4. X gets a flat tire but doesn’t dare pull out the spare when a nice-seeming couple in a Winnebago pull over to help her.

Because you’re not necessarily going for word count, you need something to let you know when you’re done for the day.  Although the outline points don’t happen at regular intervals.

I particularly like outlining in four parts:

  1. Opening/setup.
  2. Complication.
  3. Further complication (i.e., twist).
  4. Resolution and hook.

OR

  1. Opening/setup.
  2. Complication.
  3. Resolution.
  4. Further complication (i.e., cliffhanger).

Personally, I find writing to the end of a chapter and leaving a cliffhanger a BIG motivator for starting the next chapter.  Boring work meetings = WHAT NEXT!?!

Let me know if you have rewriting tips. I could use them.

  • Yesterday, I thought I had the flu. I think it's just sinuses, tho. Ray's feeling better, just stomach crud. #
  • Also, I need a food blog name. Something I've always wanted to do, and NOW I have the power of WEBHOSTING. #
  • Actually, my superpower is speedreading. But I have add-on regular powers, too. #

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I’m planning to separate out my food posts into their own blog.  Turns out, the names I want are either taken or lame.  Kitchen Alchemist – gone.  Likewise Kitchen Alchemy.  Crazy Noodle and Crazy Noodles have been nommed.   Foodienomicon?  Too geeky.  Odd Cuisine?  Doesn’t sound tasty.  Should I avoid bad puns and cliches in the title? It’s not about recipes so much as it is going from an idea to a dish, for which a recipe is a snapshot of how it was done.

Coming up with a name is going to be harder than doing the actual blogging.  I do have one name that I like, but I’m going to ruminate on it for a day or two, and I’m not going to jinx myself by saying it here.

I’ve been brainstorming chili recipes for the cookoff at work in mid-November.  Fish-taco chili with cilantro pesto?  Chocolate chili?  Cherry-pork chili?  Raspberry-chipotle chili?  Szechuan-orange beer chili?  Redeye chili?

I think I’m automatically in the “other” category in the cookoff.

I need a cheese-ball recipe for the zombie brain mold I borrowed.  And NO, I’m not going to name a blog “Zombie Brain Mold.”  I’d get the wrong class of hits all the time, and lots of pissed off Romero fans.

  • Brains hurt. #
  • For some reason, hanging out with Lee makes my brains stop hurting…for a little while. #

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  • New Belgium's "Hoptober" beer is a hoppy beer that I LIKE. Can they do no wrong? #
  • Bought fuyu persimmons. Fuyu=flat on bottom, less tannin. Have not braved the eating of. You can get bezoars from tannic persimmons (!). #
  • Ate at King's Chef Diner, a good place for watching snow. Good music, heavy food, comix. I read 2 ish Greyshirt. Like. #
  • @doycet @ktbuffy Picked up the third Mysterious Benedict Society Book. I don't need more books. Except that one, apparently. in reply to doycet #
  • @Dabeak Apparently the answer is 10 gallons, according to her Grandpa. in reply to Dabeak #
  • Starlings swoop over fields of L. Carroll's Looking Glass chessboard. http://bit.ly/eT3zp #

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  • Going in search of pumpkins…why do I think of serial killers at moments like this? Oh yes, pumpkin guts. #
  • Steampunk: indeed. http://bit.ly/1e67E0 #
  • @annsurely Having a protein breakdown?!? in reply to annsurely #
  • Via @ianthealy Fiction and poetry markets: an EASY to use site. http://www.duotrope.com/index.aspx #
  • @dabeak Hey, I got somebody who wants to know how many cans of beer a tuba will hold. Any guesses? #
  • I bought a ghost pumpkin (white). Lee promptly turned it into a monster with one dangling eyeball and a spew of red food coloring. #
  • Had Lee's 337 wine tonight with spag with stuffed portabellas. Appropriately good. http://www.337wine.com/ (Flip the bottle upside down.) #
  • Particularly liking Bjork's "Innocence." http://bit.ly/4eZlIX #

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  • Came home from work and took a nap until Ray woke me up to take her to skating. Like getting up for band trips all over again. RUN! #
  • RT @Dabeak If Kellogs…talked to students about good choices…and the mascot was a Shredded Wheat guys, Would that be good moral fiber? #
  • Sorry, had to trim that one, too long w/ Andy's handle on it. #
  • The best time to send Stormwater Enterprise bill is NOT right before an election involving the question of whether it's legal or not. #
  • Time for the next PPW brag sheet. Send me a message of some kind if you have any previously-unbragged brags from 1 Aug to 1 Jan. #
  • Amen. RT @Three_Star_Dave Okay, it's parent-dorky to be excited about K's solo in the 4th Grade Concert. But I am. So there. #
  • RT @DaphneUn …we did the Time Warp in Nia, and the recording of the song we used changed "pelvic thrust" to something else. Why?!? #
  • I got Yotsuba&! #6, Boneshaker, and In Green's Jungles (Gene Wolfe) today. Yotsuba was devoured pre-nap. #

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  • @DaphneUn Grats on the new sign :) in reply to DaphneUn #
  • @doycet Ray's been reading Dragonbreath at school today…and for reading homework tonight. #
  • Must be the flu. RT@copyblogger I'm looking California and feeling Minnesota. Actually, I'm looking more South Dakota and feel like Guam. #
  • Made a chicken double-broth soup for the first time tonight. The yumminess. Oh, the yumminess. #

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I just finished reading the Colorado Collage cookbook, which contains lots of good recipes, based around local cooks and food that uses more fruits/veggies. Okay. Decent cookbook, but not what I’m looking for.

I’m not going to keep the book.  I recently weeded out my cookbooks and got rid of the ones that just provided ideas for recipes; if I’m in the kind of situation where I need a specific recipe, the Internet can amply, quickly, and deliciously provide about a million examples.  (I particularly like the Epicurious site, because most of the recipes come from Bon Appetit/Gourmet, and have been tested.  And often have good pictures.)

The cookbooks (and cooking magazines) that I kept have something in common – they all have a perspective on food that I find interesting.  James Peterson wants to educate you, to gently nudge you toward more sophisticated recipes, gradually enticing you to leave your comfort zone.  Mark Bittman wants you to trust yourself, to stop taking recipes as miniature Bibles, not to be questioned.  The Bon Appetit cookbook is excited about taking dishes we understand and screwing around with them.  Why NOT add chervil?  Just because you’ve never had it before?  Pfft.  Eat What You Love

I love ancient church cookbooks.  Ancient Southern cookbooks.  Cookbooks on how other cultures have translated their recipes into our languages.  Invitations to try new foods, to understand why I love familiar foods.  And Cook What You Love:  Simple, Flavorful Recipes to Make Again and Again.  Doesn’t that say it all?

Recipes.  I know how to cook.  I can find ideas for what to cook.  But the why, why to cook a particular thing on a particular day, for particular people, that’s the fascinating thing.  Why figs in the fall.  Why simple vs. complex dishes.  Why we crave such-and-such a dish.  How memory – how childhood – is stronger than the taste buds.  That’s the breath of life I’m looking for in a cookbook.

And Colorado Collage, despite its pretty pictures, tasty-sounding recipes, and attractive menus, doesn’t have it.

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